Funeral, Family, and friends have been the common theme these past two years.
Last year, after the funeral of my grandmother, it was a long holiday in the country that connects families and relatives. At the same time, I got reconnected with my high school friends whom I lost contact for almost a decade.
When May came, I turned a year older, and the year followed was a little blurry but mostly filled with hospital visits. I can’t recall if I travelled anywhere but I certainly did. Life takes a little twist and turns from there.
That cycle repeats this year except this time, it is my father.
When you’ve experienced lost in two consecutive years and especially when something is within your responsibility, that feels a little odd. Why did I experience this? Is there some type of message of experiencing this? Maybe there isn’t but I recalled last year was the turning point of me finding more inner strength and embracing my identity a lot more.
These twist and turns certainly disrupt my workflow and my productivity. My old self would have hated this kind of disruption. I would find my way crawling back into productivity and burying myself in some type of work. These days, I find no joy in attempting to be productive.
Whenever I am trying to be productive these days, I have some questionnaire that I’ve got to answer just so I could move into my desk and be motivated
“Why should I work? Why should I be ambitious? Why should I even make some money?” “Why should I be productive really?”
These experiences really changed the way I see the reason of working, hustling and even making money. Last year, I still could answer some of those including the racking hospital bills and other miscellaneous. These days, as much as the heavy burned is gone, I felt completely lost.
Those who know me, know that it’s always the ability of what money can do that I am always after. It’s rarely about the accumulation of it. So, my motivation has always been solely based on what I would get and do with those money and how bad I want it.
Just imagine if oxygen has a price and it’s something that we all need. I would be that type of person who solely chase after it based on this simple premise, “Do I really want oxygen and what would I get out of it? Cause I would just choose not to want it and drop it right there and cease everything.
You know, maybe not being able to afford my daily overpriced coffee would be a great reason to move forward.
I could probably find more reason but for now, that’s the easiest I could find.
But stop… Let’s make this post a happier one.
Nobody likes to read a sad and gloomy blog. Everyone wants to read something happier. A travel somewhere, pretty food pictures, you get the gist.
I was trying to write something that feels happy but couldn’t. I just had so much in mind but let’s talk about some of my recent café visits.
Since it’s a long holiday in the country, most of my friends are coming back home including my family. From there, after the long memorials, I got invited and went to all sort of places. You could say my social battery is completely drained but I could say it was probably worth it. I have more reason to be alone for the next couple of years to recharge.
During one of the social functions I attended, I discovered this recently opened café and a café that has different crowd than what I normally used to. It’s such a humble café that serves basic things.
I like the atmosphere of the café including the menu that they offer. I got this drink customized, and it was so good. Basically, this is a mixture of coconut water, matcha, and espresso. The taste of it was just refreshing and great. I went to the place twice and somehow; it’s my new favourite place in town.
Then there’s this café that also serve only pastries. Just look at these cakes! They were scrumptious and heavenly. As much as the place isn’t really my thing, their cake was to die for.
That’s all I guess… the happiest thing I could come across lately is just these through these caffeinated beverages.
 | 𝘔𝘢𝘤 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘫𝘢 & 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘶𝘳 . 𝘈 𝘵𝘺𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦, 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘰𝘱𝘩𝘺. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨, 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘨𝘦. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴, 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸𝘴, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴, 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘥𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘱𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵. 𝘖𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘣𝘭𝘶𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺. 𝘚𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘤𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴. 𝘍𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘫𝘰𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯! 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘱𝘷𝘰𝘵𝘦, 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘈 𝘳𝘦-𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘰. |
Mac, you're not supposed to feel anything specifically right now. You just lost your dad. Being sad is OK, it's normal. Being tired after such a prolonged period of difficulty is normal. You don't need to force positivity and happiness, give yourself time to mourn, as long as it takes, and don't be too hard on yourself.
It's not about wanting to read a blog that's sad or happy. People (should) only want to read authentic blogs written by authentic people. That's what you do, and it's the reason so many people on Hive love and respect you so much :-)
As for the drink, half of it is dripping down the side of the glass. It hasn't been 'cleaned up' just for the sake of the photo. Thats authentic!
Best wishes to you and your mum.
It's why I stepped back a bit from almost all social interaction. I simply crave serenity nowadays and dream of living somewhere quiet for a month or two. Maybe some new adventures, I always love those 😂who knows where this year I'd eventually find myself exploring. I'd like to see different culture for once and learn all about it.
These days, I see people talking about those scam centers in the golden triangle and stuff. And looking back to my adventure, I was like damn, so that's why in Laos despite having those rough dusty village road, super cars exist hahaha. I mean that border land crossing was fun despite these days could be seen as risky I guess haha. I mean, it was that sketchy
Before I was married, I had to do border runs every month and I went over many land borders....they're almost all sketchy as hell but so exciting lol...especially when I was also nervous that Thailand wouldn't let me back in!
It looks like you're really going through it. As much as it sucks to say it, this is what getting older is like. As we go on there's less and less people around us and then we find ourselves (more or less) alone.
Like you, my deepest connection is with caffeine. Without coffee and energy drinks I am a shell of a man, angry, maybe a little psychotic...
Pretty much. It sucks but just as you said that's what getting older is like. Coffee always help, it always will!
I understand. A couple of years like that is enough to wear anyone down. It takes a bit of recovery time. Coffee and cake is a good distraction meantime 🙂 🤗
Definitely, just the right amount of both is a great distraction. It's been pretty exhausting the last 3 years but I hope the sea is going to be calm soon 😊
👍
That's a nice looking drink! Haha. Recently I have been hooked onto matcha with espresso or some would call it dirty matcha. I didn't use to like it so much because the first version I tried was the Starbucks one, but I realised some cafes do have better coffee beans and some have a better ratio of the matcha and espresso and it can be pretty good!
Starbucks was the first place I tried it too and I was literally hooked on that one. Then, most cafes serve it and that's the only thing I order on repeat. That Cappuccino above is a test order. If you want to know if a cafe is good, order their cappuccino. The logic behind it is that a good cappuccino requires a good balance of milk and coffee ratio. Then, the art latte has to be done by someone who actually knows how to do it. IF they mess up both, chances are everything else going to be suck 😂
Ah I see, thanks for the tip!
After all this unfortunate time that you had to live, I think it is time to say and feel that it was enough to renew yourself and trust that everything will be fine, and that those lost energies will be renewed so you can be happy and buy lots of coffee and soft drinks, you have to live and keep on producing.
I love coffee.☕️💙☕️🤗
Coffee always helps!
Yes dear, it is always like a faithful friend, who relaxes and shelters you.
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