After all the years I've been contributing to the minimalist vibe here on Hive, I've got cause to write about something so awfully unminimalist as to be obscene, and, as hoarding can be, sad.
I caught up with an old, old friend that I used to hang out with in the early '90's. To say her family has money would be an understatement. I don't want to go into any details about her life as it's not so important, and I respect her privacy, so all you need to know here is that this friend has never, and will never need to, work. Her life has been quite the story, and if I could tell it here, it would be entertaining, but this story isn't to entertain you either.
I'd known this friend had a clothes shopping habit - as in, an obsession which resulted in a lot of purchases which were often gifted to friends when she had a tidy out. But I had no idea what that meant in real life.
In her lovely and very large home - five times larger than my own - she had a whole room, Imelda Marcos stylie, dedicated to shoes she couldn't and didn't wear as she is currently in a wheelchair (another story I don't want to tell) as well as a huge walk in robe full of beautiful clothes she admittedly never wore. I admired her good humour about it - I'd be depressed and in tears in her position, but we all find our strength in our hardest moments, don't we?
In another room lay many, many moving boxes, full of clothes she wanted to give away, knowing they were of no use to her anymore. It was quite brave of her to get rid of them - a mother of the bride dress she'd never wear, a pair of Hot Tuna '90's jeans she would no longer fit into (I remember her wearing these back in the day), designer jackets, beautiful designer shirts still with the tag. There were some I hoped - dreamt - I could wear, others she insisted I take so that I could pass on to my much more fashionable daughter in law with a figure that could wear anything and look beautiful.
Anything else I didn't want, she said, I could take to the charity shop - I wondered whether I could try opening a Depop account (Vinted doesn't exist in Australia), but didn't want to spit in the face of her generosity. It's what she does - accumulates clothes bought off e-bay and various online shopping retailers, and realises she has too much, and gives them away.
She knows she has a problem. She's self aware these days, more so than in her early 20's - oh - that photo of us smoking on the verandah, her so fashionable and blond with her cowboy boots and me with a god awful fringe, looking untrendy and awkwardly self conscious - and knows that it's connected to money, her family, her life. She knows she needs help. I'm glad I'm hear for an hour or two, and vow to come back and help her again. She's not an easy person to know, but she has grown softer over time, kinder, and everyone is deserved of time, and love.
I laugh and tell her about my small double hanging space in half a wardrobe - a couple of jackets, a few shirts, and lots of empty space, and my scant 'collection' of functional shoes. I'm not sure she can really, truly understand it. Maybe if you have this amount of money it's hard to even think about what it means to not have it.
I don't feel envy, though I do wish I had some nice clothes I felt good in. I'm reminded, more than anything, that having doesn't always mean happiness.
And I'm reminded how much I liked her, even if our relationship was fraught, and how I genuinely would like to spend more time with her - just hopefully no sorting out clothes.
With Love,
I was intrigued by your post title—it sounded so out of character, which made the story even more interesting. I'm sorry to hear her life panned out that way and sorry more of her things couldn't fit with you. Selling online would be the sensible, practical choice, but sometimes it just doesn't feel worth the hassle.
Your friend does sound like quite a character. :)
Thanks for your #KISS
I enjoyed it 😉
lips sealed
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You're welcome. I wish I could tell the whole story! I've listed them on depop and they've done really well. It's pretty easy to use. YOu guys have Vinted over there?
Ah wow, what a story (and seems to be only the tip of the iceberg here). I wonder how often it is about money though - the people with money that I've met and that haven't got a hold on their spending often seem to be alone or to have come out of some kind of money-related trauma (such as growing up really poor). My mum has a good friend in a similar position, for whom buying stuff has, for years, been a justification for an otherwise dissatisfying life. I've passed around unused hair apparel, clothes with tags on and so on to my friends from her for many years. And while I see her trying to stop in more recent years, it also rears up the question - what else is there?
Money's a weird thing. Do you think if you had that kinda cash, you would also spend on random stuff like this? Obviously it's easy in our position to say no, I'd just use it for cool shit like travel. But who knows, really...
PS: Phew, I saw the title and I was surprised, coming from you :D
PPS: I don't know about Depop, but to me, Vinted has been a Godsend. I've paid my utilities and whatever from it for much of this year, and gotten the house a lot roomier and more tidy. And I like that I know a person will actually use it. I don't know if it'd be spitting in the face of goodwill. If it was a gift meant to help you in some way, wouldn't the money help you, and wouldn't your friend want that?
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First off, it saddens me to hear about your old friends current situation that puts them in a wheelchair. It does put a smile on my face thinking of you and her possibly reminiscing about the old days. do hope you are able to spend more time together in the future.
I feel like it's a nice thing to do. She's pretty lonely. I mean I thought I was, but at least I have Jamie! Even though I wish he wouldn't speak over the telly 😁
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STOPOmg, laughing so hard. Imelda Marcos made quite an international impression. I highly suspect she founded the Crazy Rich Asians circle. Lol.
Ah, nice clothes. I remember my mom and grandma used to sew for me, but because I just liked wearing a shirt and jeans, they called it the 'homeless' style. Lol.
Kinda nice to doll up and dress fancy sometimes tho.
She did. Whenever I see anyone with too many shoes I think of her haha.
Omg I'm sure they'd think I looked homeless too 😄😄
Years ago we gave my daughter a car, our 'old' car, which wasn't old at all. We were just trying to help her. It wasn't the car she wanted. She sold it, put a few of her own dollars in and bought the car she did want. My husband was put out by that decision--I was not. After all, what we wanted was to give her value, to give her reliable transportation. Once we gave the car away, we had no further interest in it.
However, if I had given her clothes to donate to a charity, and she had sold those, I would have been very upset. I would have considered that a misappropriation, an abuse of my generosity. I think it's a matter of being true to the intent of the giver.
As for buying clothes I want: My husband and I are at the stage in life where it seems we won't be outliving our money (you never know, in an uncertain world, though). If I want something, I buy it. Fortunately, there is not much I want. Example: I bought a new pair of sandals this summer because the old pair (8 years old?) were beginning to deteriorate. Problem is, I have new sandals and still have not discarded the old. Not exactly hoarding, but a bad sign :))
When I was 18 Das wanted to get me a Toyota Corolla. I wanted a cool old car
He obliged and help find me a 1971 Valiant. When my nephew was helped to buy a Subaru, he sold it a year later for a Prado. My other nephew just bought my son's old manual Subaru when his Dad was desperate for him to get a manual. Point is, when the heart wants the car it wants 😂
I understand your point about the clothes but I thought of I gave them to the charity shop then it's only someone else that's going to raid it and sell them on depop 😂 I see that all the time where people say 'i have gave this item for free or cheap on marketplace and then saw it for sale at X times the price'. I don't think anyone can dictate what is done with a gift. It's out of your hands after the donation. That argument suits me of course but I've thought hard about it and realise that if the show, so to speak, was on the other foot, I wouldn't care less.
As for the two pairs of sandals, that's just sensible. Wear the old ones until they quite literally fall to pieces, and hehn the new ones last longer! I have trainers with holes I will wear to the death to sva E the new ones, and the new ones I just wear either to work on casual /sports day or say out shopping when I should try not to look too 'derro' as my Dad used to say. If only I have a wing just for my shoes, even if it was just a small shelf for six pairs of really nice trainers, three cool pairs of boots, and six pairs of sandals. Not Imelda, just enough to have a pair for any occasion and to make all the rest last longer, because you can only wear one pair at a time..
Yes!!!Until they fall apart I can use them and save the new ones for those occasions when I'm expected to look respectable :))
You are right...the heart wants the car the heart wants. I guess most kids go through that. At some point they will probably understand it's just transportation. Buy the safest, most fuel efficient, durable car that suits their needs for the lowest price available--that's when you know they've grown up :)
As for charity...you have to pick your charity. I used to work at an outreach. I remember bringing in a bag of clothes. A man came in off the street and walked out with one of the winter coats I brought in. There also is the Neighborhood House. We bring stuff there and people from the neighborhood come and rummage through donations. I like those charities :)
A lot of the charity shops here are getting flack for selling clothes for stupid prices, even cheap clothes that are sold for more than they cost originally. I think these days it's easier to price things because of the internet, so it's hard to find good bargains. Saying that, I bought two shirts the other day for $5 and flipped them online for $20 each. I'm not sure I could make a living out of it but it was good coffee money.
:) You're a girl after my daughter's heart. She has the gift for making $1.00 into $1.25. My mother had the talent too. It skipped my generation.
I'm intrigued about the rest of her story! Sorry to hear she's so unhappy and confined to a wheelchair. Having money definitely solves some of life's problems and can easily create more/different problems and cause even more stress. Being financially independent can, for sure, make you feel a lot more isolated. That isolation and abundance of free-time/time to think can have a way of sending you down a whole lot of rabbit-holes—some healthy, some not so healthy.
I'd love to tell the story, but this one is definitely not mine to tell. 💕💕💕
Sad, that she's in a wheelchair and can no longer rock the clothes & shoes as she once did. It would be good if you could get a few pieces to bolster your wardrobe, though. That dress in the pic is cute, and I can see you in it, maybe walking hand-in-hand with Jamie along the beach! 😊
Ha if only I was that size! My boobs would never squish into that dress!
Reminds me that I really, really need to buy new shoes. I finally had one pair fixed, but the other is not fixable and worn out and I have the feeling that it's starting to hurt my feet through posture.
I'm not a fan of obsessions and addictions. Compulsory behavior is almost never beneficial. But at least she can afford it, and is apparently not buying the sweat-shop stuff made under harsh circumstances for the workers. Still, feels off.