I wonder how many of the home educators out there make it to high school, or survive home schooling highschoolers...
As we all remember, the time of being a teenager means several things. It means that you know everything. It means that you are invincible. It means that you are angsty (correction per one of my teens ~ ANGRY) about everything. It means that you get upset because of everything, for absolutely no reason. Most importantly, it means that if it's the idea of one of those old people you live with, it must be a horrible idea.
Being a homeschool parent means you really get doses of these teen roller coasters in a whole different way than many parents. Having a close and loving relationship with them on top of that ~ well, that just means you are more acutely aware of the differences from that sweet child into this awkward phase before adulthood.
At this point, I currently have a 15 year old young man and a 14 year old young woman in my home. He is in 10th grade, and she is in 9th grade. Let's go a little more in depth into what this all means ~ at the risk of them killing me for this post, which would mean 1) they are actually reading what I write and 2) I won't have to worry about getting up tomorrow morning for bright and early attitude.
My son hates all things school work. Minimal efforts with self-defeating comments are the flavor of the year. Procrastination, avoidance, and attempts at convincing me he's not intelligent intermingle with the aroma of sweaty armpits and the sounds of random songs on repeat for hours. It might be any sound of the 1980's, it might be a sappy and sad romance song, or slit-your-wrists depressing music. He can't wait to get out of the house and doing things with the family are a chore. If it's a "stupid" idea, he relishes the thought (burn yourself with a flashlight for fun, anyone?) and if it involves logic, he might have fallen asleep before the sentence was finished.
Don't let this description fool you. Underneath this bristly exterior he's still full of hugs, and smiles without being able to help it, works hard for money when he gets the chance, and is an exemplary boy scout most days. Don't worry parents, if you did your work up to this point okay, those moral compasses are still intact, albeit covered in something sticky or smelly or gross at the moment...
The young men may have lost their ability to think clearly, but that's the easy part...
Let's get a peek at my 14 year old daughter. From the day she was born, she has been the model child. Intelligent, mature, kind, extremely talented, an overachiever on every level. She's been helpful and productive and the hardest part about being her mom has been listening to everyone who ever spends time with her go on, and on, and on about how great she is.
Hello, hormones.
Her current theme song is a long, loud sigh. Everything I have ever known and taught her is questioned (angrily of course), and with her well-ingrained critical thinking skills (that I worked so hard to make sure she has!) Mom has become front and center of "critical" thinking. She is convinced I had a dinosaur for a pet because I must be the oldest living human ever. Every idea to help with whatever is the problem of the minute is OBVIOUSLY the worst idea ever. While she is still the overachiever in schoolwork, she has come to the conclusion that every aspect of the known world of humans sucks horribly and my problem solver has now subscribed to the philosophy that there are no solutions in this life, only problems.
Lest we forget, in the world of young ladies ~ all attempts to make something better are secretly attacks and should be treated as such!
If you are a home educator that has children under 10, enjoy every moment of that wide-eyed amazement, the pedestal you sometimes find yourself on in your child's eyes, the holding of hands and the understanding that you are a superhero who can fix any and all problems. It is these moments that you will remember fondly from the pits of teenage wasteland, that will be the wind in your sails on those blistering hot days with no breeze in sight.
If you are headed into the deep end of the pool, and find yourself wading through hormones at every turn, remember that laughter really is the best medicine. I like to regularly tell them "you're welcome!" for inventing the wheel and bringing fire to humans. I take lots of deep breaths and remember that we all survived being teens. While the flavors of the challenges are different for each generation, from their perspective it feels like the worst possible combination of world problems they could ever face. I hold steady, and keep offering support, and don't take it personal when the changelings that have replaced my children respond with sighs, grunts, despair, negativity, or some form of hexing incantation to manifest more strife and problems.
My daughters were a little slow on the hormone development, so this came a bit later for me. My eldest was extreme. From that girl who always needed my attention and hugs to accusations of being the worst mother ever. She's 20 now and finally settled. I even got an apology of sorts and an explanation that it wouldn't have mattered if I'd been perfect, she would still have picked out the worst thing I might have said or done and used it against me. She was angry at the world, not just me.
My youngest is more like me and apart from the occasional mild sulk, her teen years haven't been turned on me. She's so over education, but gets it done. Her final years are getting her certificate of education via online schooling, so she has a teacher for that and I get to be in a support role. She realised one day that the being nagged about school work wasn't actually coming from me so much as her teacher and has taken more responsibility on herself for it now, instead of rebelling against me.
I have to say, that I have been around a lot of teenagers over the past several decades and mine are much easier to deal with than many I have seen or experienced. That being said, I believe nature knew what she was doing with the human growth cycle. When our children are tiny and young we hold them close as can be. As they get older, the time of puberty and teen years makes everything awkward for them, that they want to leave the nest, and we want them to leave as well!
That's what I was thinking myself when she was at her worst. It certainly helps you to let them go. 😅
I frequently encounter this.
When I was young, I thought I am living a peaceful world, but as I get old and learn how things are going through and learning our history it makes me concerned that the generations to come will still experience the bad things that we gone through.
First of all, I admire you @freemotherearth by telling these stories and it was an interesting read. I can say that I can relate with you. These stories are well alive all around the world (others are even worst). As time pass by I am still in awe and I acknowledge that "everything can happen" and the "possibilities are endless" and most of the time we are always surprised how things gone by. Most of the time things happen that we never expect and not we have hoped for.
Thank you for your words, @afterglow! Human nature really is a funny thing to behold. The passing of the torch to the next generation begins long before we have grown old and grey, and there is something to behold in mystery of the unknown that clouds the path in front of us.
I just sincerely hope that life imitates art as much as art imitates life. Most stories for countless centuries truly do have a happy ending for the greater picture regardless of the dark challenges faced, and I like to believe there is a reason for that. This gives me hope for the world these teens are inheriting.
Indeed, this gives me hope that the future of the generations to come is not so dim at all.
Greetings from the Philippines!
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STOPI love this post! Reassuring, entertaining and sobering! Ours are still young - 3 and 7, we’ve a long way to go!
Your deleted comment on my recycling post has me oh so curious!!
Hey! It’s actually me @ashtv who posted and deleted.
This @radicalpears account is my wife’s account and I was accidentally logged on as her when I wrote the comment so deleted it to save confusion in conversation 😬
We both share her account for curation duties mainly.
Sorry if that’s a dull answer!
Salutations everyone!! I am the teenage girl, as well as the one that pressured her into changing angsty into angry. Also, I have decided to start referring to my ever so old mother as Prometheous, because she loves to keep telling me that she brought fire to humans.