Hello Everyone!
A thoughtful morning, The writing feedback loop, Joyfully hiking, There be dust devils & Autumn approaches!
I am in slow motion this morning and awoke with way too much stuff on my mind that keeps leading my thinking all over the place regardless of how much I try to brush it all aside, enjoy the morning silence and focus on getting some writing done. Thankfully I do not feel overwhelmed or anything but the weight of my thoughts are 'heavy' to say the least and 'potent' to say the most!
As is the case more often than not of late I am going to do my best to avoid delving into and sharing my inner-most thoughts here in an effort to not get lost down one rabbit warren or another or get my gears turning in the wrong direction. Sure doing some honest venting and exploring some of the more murky emotions that I have been feeling would do me a world of good... but alas I feel like doing so would lead me to doing more ranting and raving than I really want to do.
When it comes right down to it I would prefer to not get lost on one tangent or another, potentially be misunderstood and of course get myself all worked up with no avenue of escape besides writing more! In other words I am aware that I can create quite the feedback loop for myself with these entries (or writing in general) and if at all possible I want to sidestep that altogether.
There is much to be said nonetheless and I will eventually say it all (or spell it out) one way or another once the time comes to do so. I dunno if it is actually 'funny' or not but I often have this ongoing mental list of 'things to write about at a later date in life' once the 'emotional charge' of things has cooled and my clarity is at a more optimal level.
The real trick is not letting all the 'unsaid stuff' create a bunch of internal friction, simply make a mental note of it to be dealt with later... and then play 'whack-a-mole' with it every time that it tries to creep in from the periphery. Doing all that jazz too often sure can be exhausting but I am sure it is worth it even if the wisdom of doing so is questionable considering how therapeutic of a process the writing and sharing is for me.
Alright, it is now not all that long before sunset and I best dive back in here and see what all I can get spelled out before the hour grows too much later. Thankfully I am not feeling very fatigued today because I decided to only do some hiking, my routine chores and pretty much nothing else.
While the weather holds I should dive into cleaning more of my gear up but honestly I am already rather burned out on the process much the same way that I am burned out on looking at properties and doing all the land scouting legwork. Not to get lost on that topic but yeah I am doing my best to mentally 'tread water' each day, not get overwhelmed and basically be in a position to be capable of making sound decisions regarding the future.
I know that I keep mentioning it but taking those hikes each day sure do help a lot mentally but what I have not mentioned much is they have also been helping me to get into better shape. Lacking a real workload at the moment I have to be physically active somehow (outside of packing stuff and my routine chores) and the hikes are doing the trick because I can already tell that my legs are getting stronger.
The next big step is going to be having an abundance of calories again because yeah everything that I have been doing thus far in regards to packing down (and even hiking) has been being done amid a time of intense food rationing. Suffice it to say that the stuff that I have achieved has been one part espresso, one part calories and the rest sheer willpower... and yeah doing so is getting old fast!
All that 'pushing my limits' is bound to catch up with me eventually and honestly I already have enough damn problems so avoiding more of them would be awesome. I also want to avoid injuring myself because I can already feel that old muscle injury in my leg starting to throb from all the activity... and between it and not having enough muscle to it at the moment is assuredly not helping.
Short story long here, or long story short... my life is just as precarious as it has ever been... my medical and dental needs still go unattended... my coffers are still empty and overall I am still scratching my way up towards the poverty line. All of which makes for one heck of a rough ride and there is just no point in candy-coating it otherwise but hey I keep plugging along... which should be worth something. That said if I ever find its 'worth' I will gladly let everyone know!
Per usual do not get it twisted there because I am merely pointing out that no matter the adversity, challenges and difficulties that I am faced with... I can at the very least count on myself to rise to the occasion at hand. Its a slippery damned slope most of the time trying to juggle my morale and attitude but the lazy approach to those things is wholly unacceptable in my perspective.
On an entirely different note, the wind once again did not cooperate with my plans to have a fire and this morning it was gusting so hard that I saw a few dust devils (of leaves) spin through the shelter site at an alarming speed. They were made a bit spookier by the wind slacking off for a while before suddenly gusting again without any kind of warning.
Needless to say those kinds of conditions are not the kind to be having fires in and even much later in the day (when the wind had slacked off entirely) I did not quite trust it not to pick back up again at any moment. Of course I once again had to pick up more blown down branches from the dog yard and yup I added them to the fire-pit... making it even more overfull than it was before.
Something else worth noting is that the leaves have begun piling up in a few places both inside and outside of the dog yard. Given that it is nearly autumn and the snakes are the most active this time of year... I need to set some time aside soon to get the leaves raked up and hauled to the compost so the snakes cannot blend into them or hide beneath them.
There is actually a lot of seasonal stuff that I need to be doing and somehow I am going to have to manage to make time for it while the weather holds. Mainly I need to stay focused on the packing and whatnot but my life is so damned interconnected with the world around me that it is really hard to shrug some things off and leave them unattended.
Well, I think that about does it for this entry. I hope that everyone is doing well and has a nice day/night.
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