Once every year we drove all the way to our farm house. It wasn't as much a farm house as it was a forced family event venue. We would all gather our things and muster up the will to look at each other for 3 whole weeks.
The drive wasn't too bad. I would sleep through it all. When I'd be awake I'd just look at the sky and block out every word being thrown around.
I still remember how freeing it felt to leave behind the place that had done so much to me. It still amazes me how I understood so much at such a young age. I already knew I would grow up with a lot of emotional wounds.
The knowledge wasn't very vivid then as it is now. I just knew that when I grew up I'd still be looking back at my childhood seeking for the parts of me that were crushed.
Since our great grandfather had passed we hadn't made any changes to the house. Every year we went there we spent a whole cleaning up the gigantic place. I still remember how the paint from his portrait chipped a little every year as I brushed it.
We never fixed anything, we never put something new, we never threw anything out. We only went there and stayed in that horror house for 3 weeks a year and came back. I was told my great grandfather didn't want anything changed in there.
The house was a great escape. It was big enough for me to hide away from my family for the entire day. I only saw their faces and heard their painful voice for meals. I ran to the edge of the hill whenever I got the chance. I remember spending hours looking at the water.
My fondest memory is the well. I sat by it but I do not remember why. I used to shout into the well and enjoy the echo oh so much. It used to talk back to me in a soft and dying voice. No matter how many times and what I said, the echo would always reply.
Maybe it was a portal to my present self. The future version of me who tried to warn the little girl. I tried to warn her a lot. With all my strength. I told her it was dangerous but she never listened. By the time my voice reached her it was faint and too late. The little girl had fallen into the well.
