Your ramblings really make sense and I was thinking to write a post today about my experience from the past with anxiety disorders and deapression but I really didn't feel like bringing back to life some of those memories and feelings, and when I saw your post I felt instantly that I should read it. Ever since I had those almost two years of poor mental health I find hard to read about such topics and to resist not imagining how it would feel if I were in that place. That probably has to do with a tiny anxiety disorder that still needs to be wiped out. Probably I will write thag post after all, probably not. What helped me and I can recommend, although it's clear that you are in a different position was eliminating everything that I didn't like doing, getting out as much as possible, having hobbies that would keep me focused, physical exercises make a huge difference, nofap(no porn no masturbation) and a book that I read a couple of times https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22748254-remapping-your-mind
Hope you won't find my comment inappropriate, and if you do feel free to flag it, and hope you will recover fast. YOU CAN! Start with the book. You read one in 24 hours, what's another. It might help, really. Everything can be healed specially for young ones.
Take care!
Thanks. One thing I have found that helps over the years is to write. I hope that you can make the post and it helps you with what you are going through. I am following you now and will be looking forward to reading it.
I already wrote it, Gray Confessions , and I wouldn't, if wouldn't have read yours. Take care.