Wow this is great. Pointless? Perhaps... But such is everything. It's honestly a lot like where my mind tends to go the majority of the time. I think about how any action that seems sensible to a "normal person" is merely perpetuating the bullshit that has led me to lack any desire to conform. At times I'd rather starve myself literally than continue walking my ass to the metaphorical watering hole of bullshit. I truly have no desire to hurt others and tend to only stick around for the select few people that would be affected by my decision to leave... thinking they could have done something to help... Jokes on them! I love to sabotage myself by believing i'm the greatest gift to earth.
I can even recall particular psychotic episode that led me to just quit my last job despite the fact that I had no way to pay any of my bills at the time. I pretty much just said "fuck it"... sold my brand new car... sold all my larger belongings... and went rogue living on and off the street for a year or two. I consider doing it again but I've also just about recovered my reputation since my last fallout. Sort of at a loss and the end of my rope at the same time. Been this way for a long time now.
I just try to keep myself busy creating, walking around in nature by myself, and sleeping as much as humanly possible. Idk, what I'm really doing anymore. My "god" tends to be freedom and that's not necessarily even the lack of commitment... but rather the ability to chose what is best for myself at any given moment. I'm just rambling now.
Look up Grant Cardone. Be obsessed or be average. Download the audio book