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I was going to send it but worried that it might be too colourful!

Lol. Yes, I tend to like my fires as bland and boring as possible!

Static too no doubt, Cant be doing with all that pesky flickering and fluckering

Yes, the fluckering is what really annoys me the most. Most fires will calm down if you hit them with a stick long enough.

I have poked them but maybe I should work on being a bit more swipey

Imagine swinging a sickle through the back of your enemy's head; that's more or less the motion you're looking for here.

Its been a while since I swung a sickle. In fact not since I was back in the USSR. Now why do I find my foot tapping?