It is like a terrible idea if I would go to the bathroom and not being in the influence of pain reliever because of my feet joint pain, the stiffness of my back as well as its own pain plus my rib pain which is making my life so much hard to live but nonetheless I could sleep on my left side anyway while on my right side it is just uncomfortable to sleep so I have no choice but to really sleep on my right side which exacerbates the pain which I believe has fractures already in the bones within that is why I could feel pain there.
I really do not want to go for my hemodialysis because the preparations really is giving me a hard time as I am just forced to take a bath sometimes prior for my hook-up and it is just stressful to go back and forth twice a week because of the time we have to spend with my parents and mingling with people who we do not sometimes like.
I just want to remain here in my room and stay put so that I won't move much and feel the pain from my back to my feet really is not in tip-top condition and still being degenerated by my own body's imbalances. I just hope that God would give me mercy and that concerned steemians would also pray for me because prayers works for my own survival.
But I am good if I would just die immediately because of these seemingly hopeless situation but still I wanted to live for as long as I can because it is still nice to live especially if I am just relieved from pain which is why I am trying to solve my pain issues from medicines to vitamins that I use for the matter. I am also praying everyday for God to help me and if it is really his will then it will be done.
My body pains are just ridiculously great because it is just not one pain but it is a compounded pain that I have to endure everyday and at the same time having to endure breathlessness, appetite-loss, and uncertainty if my facial bone would get worse and leave me with more disability with my mouth.
I do not know if when my body would capitulate because I am already overdue as I have been a dialysis patient for 18 years already in the next couple of weeks from now. I do not know if it is a milestone for a kind of victory or just a curse but I do not really believe that I deserve this kind of hell on earth because of the kind of wretched life that I am going through. I just need all the prayers in the world and the mercy of God and getting crazy to long to achoeve all my impossible dreams.