Just Being Yourself
Some people have difficulty making friends, and some are hated by many and don't know why. Many of us can agree that we are just "being ourselves," if you don't like it, then don't be around me it's just the way I am.
Sadly just being who you are is just not going to cut it, you need to develop a likable character, being too aggressive or too kind can come off as unpleasant. Yes, you read that right, even being too nice can be found unattractive, being too nice can come off as being dishonest and fake to many.
Being Rich or Beautiful
You may wonder "why does it matter if I'm not likable," well it plays a vital role in your success in life. It's the sad and bitter truth of life; the beautiful and rich will have it easier than the poor and ugly. When I say "have it easy" I am referring to networking and being likable.
The rich can be unpleasant trolls and rude, although if their bank account has the number million or billion in it chances are they will have "friends." The friends may not be in it for a real relationship, but they created that network for the benefits.
Now, the ones who are beautiful, some say they can make friends faster than those who are rich. If you have your self a lovely smile and a charming tone of voice you might be making friends quite quickly. A nice pack of rock hard abs and teeth as white as pearls might do the trick to get friends.
These are only charming factors that lure people into creating a network with each other. A beautiful face is easier to trust than an ugly one, like wise with the rich business man than the poor worker. It's just in human nature to react and subconsciously think in this manner.
Some may disagree, but it's evident in the actions of people, watch a "dorky" looking guy approach a girl and ask a question compared to a "hot" guy. You will see similar results even after 100 tries on 100 different people, the pleasant looking man will usually receive an answer, and the conversation will be more prolonged. The results for the less pleasant seeming man will have a quick response and even sometimes a sense of distrust in him that he may be a pedophile or pervert.
Well, now you may feel doomed and sad that no one will ever like you unless you're pretty or wealthy. Do not freight; this post will teach you the five essential qualities to have that create a pleasant character in a person!
The 5 Qualities
#1. Avoiding Criticizing and Complaining
Nothing is worse than being with a person who sits all day nit picking at your shortcoming's. You sneeze, and it is a little louder than usual, the nit picker will say "next time knock the building over while you're at it." This type of attitude is extremely unpleasant and undesirable in people, never criticize unless the time and scenario prove necessary.
No one likes a complainer; I hate this the most, you're sitting in a nice restaurant, and you love the food then your friend decides to cause a huge commotion about how the food "sucks." Another example is you go on a road trip, and you drive all the way to the destination that took over 10 hours and over night to reach, your friend decides to say "jeez that was horrible, I am never going on a road trip again, I hate the long ride." The friend complains even though you drove all the way! Just writing about a person like this is making me agitated.
Avoid doing these two things at all cost, It is annoying and a huge turn off for everyone. Nine out of ten times criticizing and complaining is useless and disliked by others.
DONT BE THIS GIRL!
#2. Suggest don't Dictate
You see someone doing something incorrectly; many would run up and bark out orders saying "you're doing it all wrong!" and this is an incorrect manner to deal with the situation.
Rather than ordering people around let them do it their way and then when they fail at achieving their goal you can step in and give a suggestion. Here is an example: "Hey Tom I saw that you tried to lift that fridge on your own and it seemed to be too heavy, may I suggest lifting it with more than one person. I am ready to help."
Now Tom here will be delighted to hear that, not only are you giving a suggestion but also offering your helping hand. This type of attitude will be stuck in Tom's mind now; he will think back "wow John was so kind to help me!".
If you had just barked out orders like "Tom you idiot, you're doing it all wrong!" Tom would reply with something in the aggressive nature "Go away John and mind your own business!" Tom in this situation would have an adverse perception of John and think "John is sure full of himself!"
Two different attitudes and two different outcomes, one took a little more effort than the other, although you find out Tom owned a large company and had connections that you needed. Your pleasant character made Tom feel the need to reach out to you and offer his network contact's because he had built trust in you.
#3. Be Empathetic
There is a big difference between sympathetic and empathetic. When a person is sympathetic, they can only imagine being in your shoes and try to understand how you feel and respond fittingly. When you are empathetic you can see your self clearly in their shoes, you had gone through something similar and knew exactly how one feels. With this understanding, you offer help and respond fittingly.
An example of Sympathy: Tom's dog passed away, and he approaches you saying: "My dog died and I feel hopeless." John replies with "wow that suck's can't imagine how that feels, you should take a break from work."
Example of Empathy: Tom's dog passed away, and he approaches you saying: "My dog died and I feel hopeless." John replies with "I know exactly how you feel, my dog died too last year! Let's go have a beer and talk about it."
You can see in the second method John offered Tom a chance to speak more on the death of his dog and gave his piece of experience about his dog dying to the previous year. Stating something similar had happened to you creates a ground of similarity and "I can relate to you."
DONT BE THIS GUY!
#4. Praise others Achievements
Praising may be difficult for some and even I struggle too, everyone loves praise and being praised by others. Praise is good in moderation, over praising someone into a god is never good, it will create an ego for them.
You should always give praise where it is due if someone does hard work let them know they did a great job. If someone works hard for hours on something for you and you don't even give praise, this crushes their heart, even if it may not seems so.
Not praising is why women are always angry at men, the wife does something for the husband, and he usually is passive about it. It is very frustrating when someone works for hours to make you something or prepares something, and a simple thank you is not even uttered by you.
If someone does something straightforward and easy, and you decide to give them praise in a manner that they had done something great, watch their beautiful smile enlarge, it makes one very happy.
No one likes a friend who won't be glad for you when you achieve something. You tell them news of your up coming marriage or birth of a child or even graduation from college, and they don't even react. When someone doesn't even respond or say congratulations, it makes your accomplishment feel like nothing and unworthy.
#5. Acknowledge Your Mistakes
Nothing is more frustrating to a person than dealing with one who will never acknowledge his or her mistakes. If you broke mom's favorite china dish, you better own up to your mistake and don't point fingers and make lies.
Your boss asks you why did we finish the project so late, own up to your mistake of being lazy. Of course, you do not say that you were lazy but instead of saying "It was impossible to finish in that time frame." Instead you should say "It was my mistake for the delay in completing the project, it was due to unforeseen circumstances and failure to recover from them. It will never happen again, and every project after will be finalized on time."
This shows maturity in accepting that it was my mistake and giving assurance that it will never happen again and you have learned from this lesson. Once the next project comes around and you stick to your word, the boss will see he/she has learned from last time and improved.
DONT BE LIKE THIS CUTE HUSKY!
Making Friends
Once you implement these five qualities into your daily life, it may feel fake at first although with time it will become second nature. You must break your bad habits and replace them with good ones. Once you have these qualities mastered you will see more people like to conversate with you. Some people may even see you as more trustworthy and begin to relate personal stories to you asking for advice.
These few changes will have a dramatic impact in your life, once people start to like you they will like to introduce you to their group of friends also. Meeting new people enlarges your network and make it easier for your business and or career to grow. Remember it takes connections in the higher up's to get to the higher up's. Most Harvard students get in because of connections, most business deals are done because of connections and mutual friends.
If you find this helpful in any way please drop a comment and follow me for more posts!
Great effort in this post thank you for going into so much detail because it helps readers find it on Google which helps all of us here on Steem! I am including this in upvotable 30!
Thank you very much, Jerry! I really enjoy reading and writing on self-improvement, Napolean Hill's books on The Law of Success and Think and Grow Rich really brought understanding to me on this topic.
I would love to see a day the Google search pages full of STEEMit blogs rather than another website!
This post received a 3% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @distress2success! For more information, click here!
Very accurate and insightful!
I often find that just saying what you think makes a big difference in the way others perceive you - https://steemit.com/candor/@tayken/the-radicality-of-saying-what-you-think
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Very insightful, when you engage more in positive criticism i.e Correcting people in love whenever they are wrong will bring more people closer to you because they believe in your quality sense of judgement.
children especially don't like been scolded but when you scold them and let them realize their mistakes and correct them in love, they surely will become their confidant and best friend.
Exactly, and I dislike seeing parents yelling and screaming in a manner that shows they are actually angry at the child. Many a time all that is needed is a step back and analyze the mistake and giving loving criticism with a solution. Saying just "don't do that ever again" will not work, kids also look for an alternative and if parents give them the choice of an alternate route the children will take the guidance.
I upvoted you.
Thanks :D
me too
I hope it benefited you, can't wait till your famous too :D your almost there ahah.
This was very good. learning to be charismatic is so important for everyone. While many think of it as either you have it or you don't, it is definitely a learned experience, one almost anyone can master if they really want to achieve success. also it is so funny that many people who think they are not charismatic usually are, and those who think they are, are the worst failures of all. I had a podcast called charisma magic for years and interviewed so many supposedly highly charismatic people looking for clues on how they do what they do, etc. It was a lot of fun, but not enough time to do everything forever. since we share some passions, i am now following you and also upvoted you as well.
It's quite interesting really, many people claim they are good at but turn out to be bad and the underdog turns out to be amazing. I truly appreciate the follow, I try my best to post the best content I can, and improve every day. Do you have a link to some of your podcasts I would love to listen to them, i sit for hours listening to Joe Rogans podcasts.
No joke, I'm actually really good at the latter three, but man...those first two!
I'm a pretty negative person, but I also keep it on the real. My circle is small, but they're all true blue and would help me hide the body.
Above all, they know that >I< know how to hide the body.
~Thomas Duder, Author of the Things
Hahah, Even I have the same problem with the first two. Im trying to get these bad habits out and it slowly is going away. Some times you gotta complain haha, I end up ranting sometimes too :).
Plus I'm just good at ranting. :D
I like your style and really enjoyed the read. An objective reflection of "a" communal state of being. It does beg for a discussion though.
For example: Is this the correct approach we should be cultivating when engaging the elements that form the world around us? Understanding that good looks that good looks steadfast you up the social ladder is one thing, accepting it as a viable option and living through it, is clearly not.
Nice pose, I feel this take by profesional photografer.
Thanks a lot!
You'r
Good try
Thanks
Great post, thx for sharing!
Thanks alot!
I have followed you on Steemit, please be kind enough to follow me as well.
Thanks!
very nice post
Thanks
great post
Lol great post and good use of the husky video.
ahaha I love that video :)
I believe the key to being loved is by first loving yourself.
I enjoyed reading your post. Your points are great. But I see likability to be judged from the inside. You can't learn how to be likeable. You must actually be likeable. I would offer that the only way is to first like yourself.
Great post. Thank you.
I agree! When a person does not love them selves they can't expect other to find them likable.
wonderful piece of blog, i think that all your suggestions are good enough to achieve the target of being loved.... however i wish to add one that is probably the basic....and that is... JUST BE YOURSELF... BE NATURAL... DONT PRETEND.. DONT COPY... JUST BE IN A NATURAL FLOW.. regards
Exactly I agree 100% nothing is better than being genuine and yourself and being nice.