I don't have any children and at this point in my life it seems unlikely that this is going to change. I don't feel bad about this because most of the time I live my life as if I were a kid. I can't imagine being responsible for taking care of an actual one since I seem to be barely capable of taking care of me. I've known people that thought like me that totally turned their life around and became super responsible after they had a child and that is great. However, I know of lots of situations where that didn't happen, and it is bad for both the parents and the child.
I'm not saying that one situation is better than the other but the other day I saw a post where someone was saying that without children, you are going to be very lonely in the future and I thought it was kind of ominous.
This is likely the closest I am going to get to being a father
I can see the benefit in being a parent and I know a few people that took to it like a fish to water. However, and this is sad to say, most of the people I know from high-school or college that had kids are no longer with the other parent and it has been a tough road for them and I would imagine the child.
I can think of two situations in particular and one of them is a lot more tragic than the other. One really good friend of mine from college had a baby with someone that he was very much in love with at the time and then something happened and everything went sour. This was around 8 years ago or so and I' m sure I don't have the full story because I have only heard my friend's side of it. What I do know is that the court case about custody is still going on today, 7 years later. Both he and the mother have been locked up in a custody battle in New York that still isn't resolved. The way I look at it, there is no winner in this situation other than the lawyers who are bleeding both of them dry. At this pace, the child is going to be 18 before custody is determined and at that point it won't friggin matter anymore.
There are a bunch of my friends that have children that the courts decided who they were going to live with and several of my other friends have multiple children with a partner that they had a huge falling out with and it got really ugly between them. In fact, of all the hundreds of people that i went to school with that I still keep in touch with, there are only 3 people that I know of that have a child or children and are still in a relationship with the other parent. The rest are split up and sometimes it was a really ugly legal situation that cost everyone a ton of money.
This isn't the reason why I never became a parent though. You see, I moved to a foreign country in my late 20's and have been over thereabouts for coming up on 20 years. I have always lived in bachelor pads and the notion of becoming a parent wasn't something that ever occurred to me. I've had plenty of girlfriends and even got engaged once (it fell apart) but at no point in time was there even talk of having babies. I guess it is just not something that I ever really wanted.
This does a good job of summing up the arrogant way that I look at my situation but it is also true. When I see friends that have kids, the kids basically dictate every aspect of their lives and they can't go and do anything unless they come along as well. Since I like to go to bars and stuff like that, it wouldn't be cool to put a kid in that situation. it might be illegal depending on where you live.
Now let's get back to the original reason why I felt compelled to write this: Are you (am I) going to be lonely later in life because of the fact that I don't have any offspring? Well, I think there would definitely be some benefits to having children when I get old enough that I can no longer do stuff for myself but at least for now that time seems so far away that I don't really think about it. There is also the benefit of if I am smart about it, I can save enough money by not having children that when that time comes, I should have enough money to be able to afford professional caregivers to look after me. Whatever! I don't like to think of not being able to move and pooping my pants but I guess it does happen to a lot of us if we are lucky to make it that far.
I also think about how much time me and my siblings actually spend with our parents. We are all spread out all around the world - including my parents - so I think all of us go and see them a couple of times a year. Covid resulted in me not visiting my parents for 3 years now and nobody is all that fussed about it.
I'm also a relatively extroverted and outgoing person so it is difficult for me to imagine being in a situation where I am lonely. If anything I just worry about being dogless since my dog Nadi, is quickly approaching her twilight years.
I don't think I will regret not having kids and I think a lot of people these days are making the same choice in their life since life in general, even without children, is crazily expensive already. I suppose I can see the social benefit of it but it also kind of depends on what kind of person you happen to be. I am a social person sure, but I'm not going to end up depressed if I am not surrounded by family and friends. Plus there is always the case of a person being able to change their social situation by simply getting out there and making some friends. Maybe I see the world though rose-tinted glasses because I have lived most of my adult life outside of the United States but for me, I don't think I am going to be depressed or lonely just because I didn't have any kids.
What do you think about this situation?
Taking your own kid to a bar🤣🤣 That would be a peculiar sight to watch 🤣. I have exactly the same plan as yours. Hiring a professional or saving money for old people's home if I get the chance to grow old.
Having a child is what I think is out of extreme love . When you are ready to sacrifice everything for someone you love. And want to create something out of that love. As I lost that faith in love I don't think I will be able to do that.
Watching my friends having trouble with their kids and holding stone cold beer in my hand and I think it will be all for me in this life.
Living without children is a blessing I think these days 🤣
that's another aspect of it as well. It seems as though back when my parents were my age that having kids was something you were supposed to do, now it seems a financial luxury.
😂😂
I’m right there with you on this. I truly think I will never have a child and as of now at almost 30, I hope that’s how it goes for me.
I don’t hate kids, I’m quite good with them actually. I think I just enjoy living my life on my terms and not feeling pressured to do what society expects. I do not think that makes us selfish.
As for being lonely, I don’t think so. I never feel lonely and prefer living alone. As long as you’re a social person, you will always be able to have interactions with other humans out in the world. Then come home to a quiet and tidy home where there doesn’t have to be any rules.
I look at it this way as well. I hang out with my pals almost every day and most of the time I want to go home and be alone a long time before I actually do go home. :)
Sounds like you're living your life on your own terms and it is enough to keep you pretty happy. That's how it's done my friend.
It is a tough one as who knows you may meet someone who has kids already and they will become yours. I had two and now they are grown up even though they live at home and one has given me two grand kids. I think the only benefit is they keep you young as they keep you active. I don't think you will be lonely because of this as there are advantages and disadvantages arguing both sides.
Did you know there are actually online communities dedicated to people who have made this life choice. I am not a member of any of them, but I have read about them. My wife and I definitely fall into the DINK (dual income no kids) category. I think if we had met earlier in life things might have been different, but then again who knows. Like you said, we get to do whatever we want whenever we want. Plus we have nieces and nephews that we get to spoil the hell out of and give them back when we are done. I do worry about who will take care of us when we are older, but there isn't much point dwelling on that right now. A million things could happen between now and then. When we first got together my wife and I talked about fostering for a time, but honestly, we are just too selfish I think. We like having our own time and having each other. The fact that we are both kind of introverted makes things difficult, we have a very small circle of friends.
I agree with this, I also agree with the opposite of it. There are many parents who still try to live their lives and the kids end up suffering because of it or basically raising themselves. It's sad.
Hopefully having your DINK lifestyle you will be able to afford to have the best sort of care. I know there is a thriving retirement scene in Thailand and I don't know what it costs, but it was MUCH nicer than the almost jail-like environment that I have seen in these sorts of places back in the USA.
Interesting! I just might end up becoming an expat too one day!
I just remember the home that my own grandfather was in and it was just super depressing. I'd like to think that I have been wise enough with my financial choices that I can move into something a lot better than that. They charged a LOT of money at this place he was in as well. I think a lot of that is a racket in the states and probably elsewhere as well.
Why not move into a luxury villa somewhere that is actually nice for the same price?
Yeah, they totally screw you over. I know a lot of those places you have to basically sign over all your finances to them. It is a total racket. I agree, it would be much better to just have your own little bungalow somewhere and higher a private nurse rather than being in a home.
I was hellbent on staying single forever when I came to SE Asia many years ago, and I've always said I'll never have biological kids of my own when so many children around the world are in orphanages. At one time I was convinced I could adopt as a single father, but after some research I realized only a few hundred American men each year are granted this opportunity, most of them pilots, doctors, and other elite professionals.
Fast forward to now, I'm married with two stepchildren, and there are definitely times when I miss the simple life, $50 rental room and no financial worries, lots of free time, etc., instead of falling asleep at my desk in the wee morning hours every night 😂. One thing is for sure, the grass is always greener on the other side, so I give thanks for what I have, but I do miss my golden retriever and beagle, they were such great companions.
I say stay single as long as you can, live it up and keep Nadi away from bad canine influences.
I know a lot of people that are in similar situations to your own. They could never imagine being married and especially not having kids... until they did and thankfully they are all quite good at it. I do think they miss their single party-style life though and this is to be expected.