Growing up, I was never allowed to behave other than as a "lady." Prior to age 10, I did not identify as female. When I was 10, my breasts began to grow and my body changed. I hated being a woman. I wanted to be a man. I stuffed my shorts and wore backwards ball caps to appear male. In my dreams, I was male. It was disorienting to wake up in a woman's body day after day.
In my home, gender conformity was met with rigid expectation. I was mocked and punished when I did not conform. I learned quickly not to share my gender confusion. I made my dressing as a man seem like a game I was playing, a silly schtick by a sill girl. I learned also not to share my equal attraction to men and women.
While I happily identify as female as an adult, I am sad I never explored my sexuality before this point. Much of the anxiety and depression I suffered might have been avoided. Then again, queerness brings new pressures to the table. Steemit is the first place I have shared my sexuality. I was pleased by the support I received. I was frightened by the religious contingent who were anxious to tell me I am wrong.
This is not a criticism. I do wish for a more embracing world. I understand and respect difference.
My family does not know my about my sexuality. I only told my mother recently that I grew up gender fluid and that I went through it all alone because she was (and still is) so adamant it is a sin against God. We are talking about a woman who thumped me with a Bible and publicly shamed me numerous times. My home was physically and emotionally abusive. I keep as much distance from it as I can without sacrificing ties to my siblings' children. I will absolutely be cut off from them since my siblings choose to stay close to and under the thumb of abuse. I have been cut off before.
I like having a place I can share this without it coming back to them (hopefully). I will share and deal with them on my own terms when I am ready. It has taken years to accept myself. It will take time before I am willing to lay that acceptance bare for my abusers to rip apart.
For now, I am happy to have "practice" sharing in this space where every type of mind meets. Have any of you had experience sharing your LGBT stories?
You are such a beautiful soul.
While I am not gay and never been bi-curious in the least, many of my college friends felt safe to come out to me. In fact, my good Friend, Corey, was so afraid of rejection, I went home with him to face his mom and be supportive should a worst-case-scenario happen.
Her reaction makes me want to cry with joy: "Honey, do you think I could love you any less?"
I have a faith in a higher being, many call this God. And to my thinking, how I was raised, and what I believe in, God doesn't make mistakes. We are gifted with LIFE and I believe our duty is to live it to the fullest and #DoGoodThings
I've got your back and will defend you.
This comment . . . Thank you. Upvote for you.
thank you for sharing #realness
Thank you for reading!
Well, can't tell anything like this about myself.
I'm a normal pervert like anyone else ;D
:)
@honeyscribe - thanks for sharing. It is really sad that you had that experience growing up. I was lucky enough to have family that was very supportive, and accepted me for who I was. I don't know if I would have been brave enough to accept who I was and come out if I had not had the support I did.
There will probably always be people who are not accepting. Most of the time it is from lack of understanding and ignorance/ fear. I touched on it in my post here.
To some extent, you need to decide if people like that are even worth having a relationship with. Not being accepting is one thing, and probably not a deal breaker by itself, but the abusiveness might be. That would be a really hard decision though since it involves family. There will always be a part of you that will love your family no matter what.
I'm glad that you were able to find a community here at Steemit where you feel comfortable enough to start to open up and share. I wish you the best of luck on your continued journey.
I was very happy to see your post this morning. It was as though you were standing there saying: You are not alone. Thank you @timcliff .
I'm so glad you are here and sharing. Isn't it silly that they abused and shamed you, you simply were who you were, and yet in their minds they are the righteous ones?! I'm sorry, honey, for how you suffered and maybe continue to suffer. But again, I'm happy your here and hope you find support and community. Hugs
Thank you. I benefit greatly from reading this.
I'm sorry that you lived through a difficult childhood and that my Faith had something to do with it. Nobody should be put in a position where they have the need or feel the need to hide who they are.
If someone professing to be a Christian comes to you about your sexuality, just look at them, smile (or grin), and tell them that God says that if you are guilty of one sin you're guilty of them all, so welcome to the club.
It may not change the way they act or react to it but it fights the fire they are using with their own fire.
If someone in our Faith wants to dish something out like that, they better prepared to take it as well.
I'm glad that you found a place where you can be you and hopefully the places where you can be you will expand and grow not just online, but out there in the "real world" too.
God bless and good luck!
Thank you.
Thanks for sharing. I have a friend that is transgendered, male to female, and she has been cut off from her family as a result. It's a shame, but they are the ones missing out. She is a great person. So are you.
Thank you for saying this. I hope your friend feels your support.
Oh wow. I can identify with this. As a kid I thought I was bisexual. I'm not too sure now. I think I'm straight.
I am told there is a spectrum to sexuality.
Well honey, I have to say I totally understand you, not be cause i'm gay or something, but I have a very close friend who is gay and he had many troubles with his dad few years ago when his dad found out the reality with his son (my friend). He's a very good person, actually one of the best i've ever met, something that I have learned from him is the fact that it doesn't matter what people thinks (In his case, not even his parents hahah), you remain as who you are no matter what, be cause sooner or later they will respect you for having the strong personality to accept that with no fears! ;) thanks for sharing this.
Thank you! What a lovely comment!