Thanks for the reply and for reading all of that. All that happened taught me a lot, alot about love and what it means and about forgiveness and staying out of shame and guilt. I am always learning, I try not to blame myself for past mistakes, it just shows me I still have so much to learn.
I've actually found huge spiritual progress in this too, embracing the truth and owning myself, my dark side, learning more about empathy, etc. It was painful to have that side of myself revealed, but necessary if I want to grow and mature in all sorts of ways.
Thanks again for stopping by, I appreciate it, sorry I'm not on here as frequently, I was hoping to be back on sooner, but I need to integrate a lot of what I have been learning and work on personal issues first. Maybe soon.