I wanted to shed some light on my experiences with PTSD.
Many people have no idea how much PTSD can affect a person's life. It is also a misconception that the only people really suffering from PTSD are veterans. My PTSD is caused by repeated trauma in my childhood, sexual abuse, and a violent attack from an ex-boyfriend. PTSD stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome and true to it's name anyone who has suffered a serious trauma can get PTSD.
Night terrors that keep me up for hours.
When my PTSD is really bad I sometimes get night terrors every night. So terrifying that I have to turn on the light and have woken up in a panic attack. I have woken up hallucinating in a serious way. It has caused me to stay awake for days because I am too afraid to sleep.
Constantly checking places to see if an attacker is hiding there.
I have to check behind the shower curtain if it is closed. Sometimes I have to check my roommates room to make sure nobody is there. I check to make sure the door is locked constantly. I check closets. I sometimes am convinced there is an attacker or will be an attacker and thus often carry my knife around in my own home.
Not being able to shower if nobody is home.
The shower is the worst for me. The first time my dad sexually abused me he forced his way into my shower. He had done this many times and I had fought him off but eventually he "won". So showers for me are really scary. I one time heard my father's voice clearly say my name in the shower after he had died. It was obviously his voice as he had a giant fucking hole in his throat from cancer and had a very distinct voice.
I have showered when my roommate is not home but it is really awful. I have to bring the knife and constantly hear things and have to turn the shower off or go and check the hallway and check the door. I leave the curtain a bit open so I can just stare at the bathroom door knob and make sure it isn't wiggling. I can't close my eyes in the shower. I immediately panic.
Audible and Visible hallucinations.
As I mentioned I have hallucinated from my PTSD. When I do it is so incredibly terrifying. They are so vivid that I don't realize they are a hallucination immediately. It takes a long time to shake the fear after experiencing hallucinations.
Flinching, Jumpiness, Anxiety.
I have extreme anxiety 24/7. I also flinch from quick movements or unexpected physical contact. I am very jumpy and easily frightened.
PTSD severely affects all aspects of life.
As you can imagine this is very life altering. Throw in some depression, and very painful physical disease and you have a really poor quality of life. However, I am working on my PTSD and have an appt with a therapist soon. If you are suffering from PTSD know you are not alone and don't give up. Keep fighting. Get help if you can. If you can't try to hold it out. I have never had therapy for any of my trauma and abuse so I get it, it's really hard but I finally am getting help now. If you can move to a place with expanded medicaid so you can get help. I also have read many books on PTSD. This can be helpful if you are currently unable to seek professional help. It helped me to understand myself. You can also find online therapists for PTSD or look into local support groups.
https://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/where-to-get-help.asp
Brave post.
STEEM On !!
Dave
Proud of you for sharing, You are braver than you think, stronger than you believe , and making a difference with every post that brings awareness.
Sending a a virtual hug!
Thank you. :) I am all about raising awareness. If I can't help a few people by using my trauma then it is even harder to deal with. I find that raising awareness and helping others is healing even though it can be scary and hard.
This post received a 0.9% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @lauralemons! For more information, click here!
You are so strong! <3 I don't suffer from PTSD myself, but it's very enlightening to read your experience D: Take care x
Thank you. Glad I could bring awareness of the issue to someone. It helps for people not suffering to understand. :)
I understand ^_^ Well, to the degree I can anyway. I suffer from anxiety and I know how frustrating it is when dealing with those who don't have it and aren't empathetic :/
I'm sorry you have been through so much. I can relate to the childhood trauma all too well.
I am sorry to hear that. ( ._.)
Thanks, its ok though.
Stay strong ! I hope for the best :)
Thank you! I won't give up. :)
What are you doing to treat the ptsd?
Nothing yet. I only just moved to a place where I can get medicaid. So I have an appt set with a therapist. For now I just learn about it myself with books.
Forgive my ignorance but how long have you been living with this?
Many, many years. I was repeatedly abused as a child and teen so really as long as I can remember.
You are strong and brave for sharing this. I think it's great that you can openly discuss this on this platform and be supported by the community with positive comments. Keep your head up, you've got this!
Thank you. When I first started here there were some trolls and I actually got pretty harassed for sharing but I still continue to share openly so I can help people and am so happy to see the trolls got bored as they aren't rewarded by steemit. :)
I'm very sorry to hear about what you have gone through and are still going through now. It's brave of you to share this type of things so openly and it helps people like me who have never dealt with something like that understand it a tiny bit better.
I wish I had something smart to say or offer a piece of helpful advice, but all I can do is offer my symbolic support.
You now understanding PTSD a little better is reward enough. :) Thank you.
I'm sure other will appreciate it in the same way as I have and I'm sure people going through similar things will do too.
thanks fot sharing my dear
You are very welcome.
Amazing!!!!
Thanks for explaining this to me. I haven't experienced this or know anyone to experience this, but after reading this, I can only imagine. You are strong!
Another very real post. I appreciate you sharing your experiences. You deserve every upvote.
Thanks so much. :)
wow very honest and open post, plus you are a fantastic writer.
Not one bit boring to read.
Going to want to be visiting more !
fantastic skill