A Certain Death

in #life4 years ago

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Hey, fancy getting the car fired up for a jaunt?

The Good Lady popped seemingly out of nowhere like a genie with an itchy bahjina.

I put down the scabby painting t-shirt that I was about to change into and made a pickled egg eating face.

Um, I could do. Take her out for a little spin just to clear the pipes as it were?

The idea had some appeal. According to legend, cars like to be taken out for a run to keep them in tip-top condition. My car was a fucking mystery to me so I liked to keep my motor maintenance as basic as could be.

Yes, it would be a short spin.

The Good Lady started curling her hair around a finger and tilted her head at me with a smile that made my man-hammer whinny.

When the Good Lady twirled her hair like that and smiled like that, it could only mean one thing.

Well, two things. It could either mean that she was wanting the barnacles scraped off her old hull with my penis or that she wanted to me to do something heinous and life-threatening in the name of husbandry.

It had to be the first, surely?

I hooked a thumb in my waistband and got ready to wheel my keks off and fling them winsomely at her.

So, you know the Little Lady made her chocolate lollipops yesterday? She wants to give them out to her friends. There are only the four of them. You could take her in the car, couldn't you?

She fluttered her eyelashes.

It would be really quick, sort of.

She breathed through her mouth in that way that asthmatics and sexy women do.

Urm, what about lockdown? We're not really meant to be gadding about? Especially to multiple places.

I sounded fearful and unsure as if a Greek was offering me gyros.

Oh, don't worry about lockdown. You can still social distance and stuff. It's just a little delivery run.

She grinned like one of those tall birds that stand on one leg eating fish.

Don't worry about lockdown? Easy for her to say. She wasn't the one getting sent out to almost certain death.

How could she ask this of me? I mean, with my track record of getting infected and dying from this kind of shit?

I was bound to catch the COVID and die before returning home.

Who would look after the children?

What would become of my beautiful house and garden?

My cats? My sweet beautiful cats? Would they end their days guarding my grave like that fucking idiot of a dog, Greyfriars Bobby?

What would happen to that sassy lady who lived at no 36 that always wore the massive heels and short skirts? Would she wither and die like a flower without water from the lack of stare'y attention from me?

The Good Lady looked out of the window and pointed.

Look, it's really sunny. If you get it done quick we can have some beers in the garden?

I narrowed my eyes.

Garden beers?

Aye, alright then. Back soon.

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hi, you have great stories. and I noticed something. You are specially preparing the image you use. You should also use "art" "creativity" and similar tags. they are wonderfully crafted visuals. good editing and effect..

I have always been wary of using the art tags in case some real artist got ratty that I was claiming it was art!

The power of a women and the correct words....

The puppet masters!! ;0)

The masters of muppets my wife would say

She might be right, lol

Hello dear friend @meesterboom good afternoon
I love the dictionary of dialects you use to describe certain situations. You're great.

The good lady knows how to use resources very well to obtain what she wants, she is very cunning, she knows that nobody can refuse to do something, when the prize is in the garden, very cold. Beer.

I wish you an excellent night

She is cunning, like a fox!!!

What a prize it was, we are having any unexpected sunny spell which in Scotland is quite unusual!

The things one does for Love, eh? Hope you survive this deadly challenge my friend :D

I can try.... Or I will die!!! :OD

Time to invest in a delivery van with big shit-on-a-stick decals.

At least the kid is working...

They do say you need something distinctive to stand out in business!!!

Call me jaded, but I am sensing a bait n switch lol

Ya gotta be a playa!

It could either mean that she was wanting the barnacles scraped off her old hull with my penis..

With an offer like that, how could the good lady ever refuse?!

Sounds like a bit of a shit job, but garden beers definitely sweetens the deal - looks like a sunny one ahead :)

I hope that I return alive and that it stays sunny for after my delivery driver job!!

I'm a charmer, she can't refuse :0D

My phone says it will! Good chance the BBQ will be out?

That's a fine idea. If it holds them it's a goer!

Oh, keep that *hit away from me! On the other hand, how enterprising!

!tip

Hehe, enterprising to give it away, don't know if it would attract many customers!!

Put it on a stick! It'll go like wildfire! ;)

Everything works on a stick after all!! :OD

With that much over the top fear you're guaranteed to get it for sure, stress is terrible for your immune system ;D how were the delivery runs and the garden beers?

See, I'm a goner!!

Although this time I made it. The worst but about it was the slightly awkward social distance polite chat with me and the mums of the others of the doorsteps!

Garden beers, now there is a thought, superb and inventive imagination, now tell me more about the lady at 36 :-)

Haha, my lips are sealed on pain of more death!!

Even your replies are good fun, kudos to you.

that fucking idiot of a dog, Greyfriars Bobby?

Are you calling this wonderful guarding dog a "fucking idiot" because he lived and died in Edinburgh?

That is exactly why! Edinburgh anything is beneath the princely West coasters :0)

Well that 🔨's about to get locked down like a meaty Philly Cheesesteak in the malodorous maw of a rather plump and vivacious vixen.

Things are about to get interesting...


source:

Look, the thing!! I see it!!

Run, run for your lives!!!

That makes me quite peckish :0)

Do asthmatic and sexy women breath the same way

It seems so. It's usually dark ;0)

🎁 Hi @meesterboom! You have received 0.1 HIVE tip from @dswigle!

Check out @dswigle blog here and follow if you like the content :)

Sending tips with @tipU - how to guide.

Lol...

Dude,your stories are really funny...By the way, the first option seemed reasonable. I think you should take the good lady and pick her up with your car,just a short trip :) And then return your garden where the cold beers are waiting for you... Wonderful story...

I just had to read over and again. Thanks for sharing sir @meesterboom

A death can be at the same time a reborn and if the past can teach us something is how to look at the future.

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