Alright mate, could you like my TikTok?
The voice of my friend Spiggy boomed out from my phone.
My face twisted in a way that would be depressingly familiar to a dog's arse trying to pass a nobbly stone.
Hey, Spiggy. Long time no see or hear. How are ya?
I breezed back at my erstwhile friend who I had not seen for about two years.
He was a funny one was Spiggy. He was a tiny scrawny little guy with a massive chip on his shoulder about being tiny and scrawny. It was also rumoured from various ex-girlfriends of his that his penis resembled a baby bird peeking out of a freshly broken egg.
A shame for him but hey, we can't all have perfect penises.
Yeah yeah mate, I'm good. Just keeping the hustle going, know what I mean?
Spiggy replied as if he were twitchily attempting to sell sunglasses on a beach.
Keeping the hustle going... Oh aye, me too.
I said, successfully managing not to add that I was in my late forties and the only hustle I really cared about was the one I did about half-past eight each morning on the porcelain pony.
So, anyway. You gonna like my TikTok?
Spiggy sounded impatient, annoyed even that he was having to waste so many words on someone in order to get them to do his bidding.
What TikTok?
I replied, equally impatiently.
For fuck sake mate. The one I sent you last night? Did you not get it? I Whatsapp'ed you?
Now Spiggy was sounding cross.
Ah yes, that one. You were saying something about the army in the streets or something?, It was hard to tell, you were mumbling a bit.
I was not mumbling?!
Aye, you really were. Could hardly make out a word. Something about the Government on a bender?
Not the government on a bender. The government AGENDA?!
Spiggy half yelled through my phone.
Alright then, the Government agenda. I told you though, you were mumbling a lot. I could hardly make anything out. And it was dark. And you were in bed which was weird so I didn't watch it till the end.
My words were met with a frosty silence.
You didn't watch it till the end? Mate, it was only a minute long. For fuck sake!?
Spiggy sputtered indignantly like an old car being fed some Venezualan petrol.
I know it was only a minute long but you were mumbling and in your bed. I was worried you were having a wank so I clicked off sharpish so I wouldn't have to see you doing the carp-face.
There was another silence at this.
Actually, it wasnt entirely silent. I could hear a low but furious sounding breathing.
Youre not cracking one off right now are you?
I said hesitantly, holding my phone back from my ear and flinching
Mate. You're a fucking prick.
He hung up.
I looked at my phone and made that relieved face you make when you hit a cyclist with your car but somehow manage to avoid scratching your paintwork.
I smiled to no one in particular.
Why, yes. I guess I am!
Oh yeah those cyclist think they got rights...until one tries mating with a truck. Then you see who had the right of way lol. Seriously though, they get proper militant over here!
It's like that there too. They are shouting and howling at you if you don't give them enough room for a car and a half, lol!!
I thought initially he was gonna ask your for crypto advice..but tiktok and governments? That is worth cutting that line faster than you can open a can of beer with one hand dude..
Speaking of.... !BEER
Haha, I have been asked many times for crypto advice and every time it has been a disaster where the market dips and they panic sell and tell me its a scam and then berate me when it rises and they no longer have any skin in the game, Its a tricky wicket advising on the ole crypto! :OD
Cheers!!
Well played, what was that direction to this unconventional way of thinking again?
At the end of the conversation, if I was Spiggy, I would be wishing to be the guy riding the bicycle, deep down hoping that the crush is fatal so I don't get to see your relieved face EVER!
If Spiggy was the cyclist then I might just have to put my foot on the gas and be damned if I scratch the paintwork! :OD
Hehe...damn, now am curious, what did Spiggy actually do? If he doesn't even deserve a scratch on your paintwork...
He is one of those folk who only contact you when he wants something. Apart from those times you don't see him for dust!!
Oooh, he definitely deserved your witty comebacks and replies, and for sure doesn't deserve a scratch on your paint, he is lucky you even allowed him some of your time.
Sucks that we live in a world full of such guys, who only consider their existence but not that of others, thanks for the insights on how to deal with these narcissistic sociopaths in a subtle and lowkey way. lol
Lol! I love your post images. Very funnies!
Thank you very much!
You on the TikToks there, Boomy boy? That Spiggy fella sounds like one of those old spammy Steemit folks! Can't blame him for having a chip, though I do feel bad for said chip.
Gotta be on the tiktoks. How else would you learn those crazy dance moves the kids are pulling off ;OD
Here's my technique:
I don't 😐
Love it!! I'm copying that!!
Tik Tok? Is that where you've been? Show me the moves. :)
Delete. Delete. Delete.
Ewww, it's a horrible place!
It's not my thing. I have never been there, even for curiosity's sake. I have seen enough clips here and there. Surely there is more to life than that trash.
Some people live for the trash. Or they think it is the next big thing and will make them famous!
Haha! It is that fifteen minutes of fame they live for.
Maybe I am living wrong.
Nah!
That would be fifteen separate tiktoks!!!
I for one couldn't be arsed :0)
I would rather stab my eyeballs. OMG.
Tik tok, government, at night and in bed is not a good combination. I wouldn't have watched the whole video either
Exactly. Who knows where it might have led!! Men with truncheons could have been beating down my door!!
That's it, you lost your 'friend' for good. It's better to leave wanking accusations out of conversations if you value them. 😀
But it is ideal to throw them in when you font value them in the slightest! I hate those dudes who pop up out of nowhere after a million years when they want something!
Could could forward this post to him stating pure coincidence that you found it.. and that you are experiencing Deja-Vu? The bit about the broken egg may hurt a little.
I could ask him for an upvote!! He doesn't even follow me on twitter and I am like one of his two followers, the other being his wife. Twot. Sometimes the anonyminity of this platform is a boon!!
I would probably be a dead man for the broken egg comment!
Always assured of a good laugh whenever I come across. Shouldn't have annoyed Spiggy though, shows what a bad friend ye are...lol
Hehe, cheers!!! Sometimes in life you just gotta annoy people!! :0)
Hahaa! It's good to take pleasure in the small things :) Like sending a phone wanker (real or imagined) off with a snarl in their throat lol.
The little pleasures are always the best. I am sure many a man might have said that to their ladies, lol!! :0D
wow... this description got me.
Looks like Spiggy was more concerned about you liking his Tiktok video than even actually getting to hear from you.
I still never really fancy the use of tiktok. Moreover the CEO is making a lot from them on his app. I heard he recently resigned after making $14 billion net worth.
Yeah. Its best to steer clear of the Tok, next thing you know you will be trying to do bad dance moves to last years music if you watch too much of it!
I always like the baby artworks :OD
Smile.... yeah, it is best to. I don't even have the mobile app on my device. Only once downloaded it because a friend asked me to follow her since she didn't have any followers but deleted after following her since it wasn't my thing.
by the way, been a while from me @meesterboom...
It has been a while!! I lost all my following peeps when I clicked on someone else's blacklist. I shall did that :0)
Sounds like a similar situation to this one!
Thanks very much for the follow back.
View or trade
BEER.Hey @meesterboom, here is a little bit of
BEERfrom @karinxxl for you. Enjoy it!Learn how to earn FREE BEER each day by staking your
BEER.But maybe your friend had top secret information about the things going on.
Damn, you are right. He may have done. Oh well, at least he has managed to disseminate this information far and wide via the toks :OD
They seem like a clever bunch. Not easily swayed. There's potential there of the world changing variety.
They do seem that way. Learned in fact. I am actually thinking that perhaps I am not in that club is because I am not bright enough to take on their lofty ideas they espouse.
Don't they eat people like us once they get their way and all the lights go out?
I think they might. There are so many stories about who or should I say what lies behind them. In fact, I was just about go and do some research on that subject. On youtube, of course. That is where the serious research is happening these days.
I just let my research magically appear as I scroll through feeds. As soon as I see something I know I'll agree with beforehand, I jump in and commence learning. After about five minutes I feel confident enough to become the teacher. Then it's my turn to tell everyone. This is totally normal behavior.
Nice 1
Great graphics
Enhancing narrative flow
Thank you very much!
You're doing them?
They look amazing at each post.
Yup, each one all by me, my favourite bit of doing a post
Then you're very talented and inspiring!
Thank you, I try my best! :OD
Given that context I don't think I would have watched it all the way through either even if it was only a minute long x_x
Also who asks for likes anyway that seems kinda lame o_O
I thought so. You can't ask for likes, it's just like faking it. Besides which he never looked anything or even friends anyone else!
I don't understand people that want other people to like/comment their stuff but won't do the same XD
I'm under the impression your friend doesn't quite understand social media o_O
Maybe he has word blindness to the word social, lol.
He is a total liability of a man, I could probably write about ten posts on various things he has done. He tried to aggressively pay a hotel bill once with his library card when he was a bit out of his chump on cocaine. Ah, the heady days of youth :OD
LoL! Oh dear XD
Well you know if you're ever short on posting ideas I guess x_x
Thanks for continuing to make Hive awesome.