Cool Air

in #life2 months ago


Aye aye, whats going on here then?

I strode into the lounge of my house and clapped my hands before pointing at each of my family members in turn with a panache rarely seen outside a Village People video.

Daddy-Bear?! We thought you were dead?

The Good Lady stood, relief etched on her face that her man had returned from his days in the desert.

The children huddled behind her, peeking out from her skirts at me with morbid fascination.

I nodded grimly. Not that I was one to make idle comparisons but to say that the stone had been rolled back and I had once more entered the world of life after time spent in my cold Covid tomb would not be an understatement.

I had been so ill that I hadn't waggled my doofer at the missus in days.

Children. I have returned.

I held my hands out to my sides in my very best Jesus Christ Pose.

The Little Boom ventured hesitantly forward a step.

Daddy, what is that on your face?

He pointed somewhat redundantly at the very face he had just questioned.

I raised a hand to my new facial ornament. An ornament that had been baked in a searingly hot and feverish COVID oven until it was ready to pop.

That ornament was my new moustache.

The family had had little contact with me over the previous week. In an attempt to keep them safe from the perils of the rona I had sequestered myself away from them. Sweating out the plague in the confines of the attic and the guest bed that skulked there.

If it hadn't been for the coughing they might have forgotten that I existed.

However, exist I did. Not only that, I had returned from the whence-lands. I had returned stronger and with a message. Nay, not just a message but a vision for my family.

That, young man, is what we call a moustache. But enough about my beefy moustache and its abilities to make the ladies give birth at thirty paces. My family, I have news for you. Great news.

The Good Lady arched an eyebrow. I could tell she was not used to have a man at the tiller once more. Ready to help with guiding the good ship family clear of the turbulent rock-laden shallows of disaster.

You know we are always concerned about money? Worried where the next bottle of quality wine is coming from? Worried that soon with this cost of living crisis we find ourselves in that we will have to sell the children to pay for my fancy T-shirts?

The children looked alarmed at this. As they should. After all, a man needs his fancy T's.

Well, no need. For I had a vision. A vision that came to me as I lay sweating the covid fever out. A vision of a world over-heating. People in less fortunate countries suffering because of the heat. People and businesses withering away on the vine. New Yorkers fainting over the sink as they attempted to wrestle water from their faucet.

Imagine, a world in which I could not afford fancy T-shirts or children.

Who would want to live in such a place?

So I have a plan. We live in Scotland. Cold, damp Scotland. Even in the heights of summer, it is cold. It is wet. The air is always chilly.

I paused and waved a hand through the cold Scottish air which even now retained its chill despite it being the very peak of Summer.

I propose to sell the air! Perhaps on eBay to begin with. A modest price for a cubic foot of air. Good Scottish air, cooling air. Just imagine, down south as they whimper in the 40-degree heat. They can buy a couple of cubic feet of Scottish air and let it out in the stiflingly hot rooms. It will absorb all their excess warmth and more!
That's 40 degrees celsius obvs, we aren't barbarians.

The family stared at me, bewildered.

I nodded, happy now that my vision was revealed.

Now, if you don't mind. I feel a bit tired. I am off back to bed.

I twiddled my moustache as I left the room. Perhaps, just perhaps there were some upsides to this Covid malarkey...

I'm back! I made it through the rona again! I live!!

and alright alright, I didn't really believe/propose we could sell Scottish air but I did have a ridiculously detailed fever dream about doing just that.

I did grow a moustache though! And no, you cant see it. :op


Glad you are feeling better. It's somewhat of a relief to emerge from that hell. May you get back to full speed quickly.

I have been allergic to cold air since I got the two pink lines. Bring on summer.

Summer would be nice. We are apparently in ours and it has been one of the most crap summers ever so far. I am hoping to venture out and about tomorrow to at least get the fresh air! Rain or not, here I come!

Gosh so when they are talking about heat over there, and I relate this tale, I must add, apart from Scotland?

Sorry to hear and may the sun ever shine on your moustache.

Yeah, we dont really get the 30 odd degree nonsense they talk about. I think 28 is like a record for us this year and that was one day. Meanwhile, down south everybody is weeping in the fuggy thirties and up!

We kinda pray for that!

It's good to re-emerge in to society isn't it? I didn't grow a moustache during the 'rona', but I do admire the ability to grow one.

Oh it is good to be back in real life. Hell, I cant grow one either, mine was pathetic, lol! I do admire those who can :OD

I propose to sell the air! Perhaps on eBay to begin with. A modest price for a cubic foot of air. Good Scottish air, cooling air. Just imagine, down south as they whimper in the 40-degree heat. They can buy a couple of cubic feet of Scottish air and let it out in the stiflingly hot rooms. It will absorb all their excess warmth and more!


What a brainwave!!!

Funilly enough I think some model was genuinely selling her farts in a jar on line a while back. I remember reading it somewhere 🤣🤣

So ya might just be onto something boom!

Oh and welcome back to the land of the living, I've avoided the plague so far 🤞

There are not many left that have totally avoided it dude! Your must be made of steel!!!

Farts, aiyee. There are some manky fuckers out there!!!

There are not many left that have totally avoided it dude! Your must be made of steel!!!

Ha ha. Maybe I had it and had no symptoms either?? I remember my wife and youngest son got it, what a disaster of a few days!! Them self isolating and me doing everything while working from home full time, couldn't get time off 🙈

Getting it with no symptoms would be pretty darn good! That would have been a grim one working and looking after the sick!!

LoL did you get the fever/headache that made you come up with the most bizarre random crap? XD The kids and I had a longer lasting headache than J did (we had it for a couple of days as opposed to most of a day like he did) and my poor daughter went delirious and was rambling the most batshit things. It was hilarious.

Glad you're feeling better :)

Wait, again? o_O

Yeah, I had that, a cough, sore throat and most indelicately of all some proper dodgy guts!!

I think I will mad fevery for a couple of nights. It was mostly at night it came. I was soundly pissed off because yes, this was my second time!! Which seems a bit unfair!

Oof, I have heard that some people got dodgy guts too O_O worst when you have fever/headache and just want to not get up >_<

That is unfair! How long ago was the first time? It will only be tolerable if it was like last year sometime!

Haha, the first time was on my birthday which was in February. I was not very impressed at that was a birthday present.

I am going to try and Street clear of crowds a bit but I have already been doing so. I most certainly don't want to be getting this every 4 or 5 months!

Oh damn O_O immunity where XD

Well hopefully this is the last time for at least a year if never again, you have to be somewhat immune now right?!

Yeah, defo!

I am probably leaking immunes everywhere. I will be like a fortress now!

Speaking of NY faucets, I just saw the creepiest ad from the NYC Mayor telling people to drink the delicious, healthy, whattt? Hahahaha, there was literally articles last year or so about how half of the city's buildings contain lead pipes and how you should Not drink it?! I swear we're being punked on a daily basis 🤣 I live upstate where we have little pollution in comparison,and I still filter my water through a Berkey- I don't even feed my plants from the tap lol!

Glad you made it, sorry to hear you got hit like that! Whatever strain we've got going on must be the weakling little cousin!

I suspect that I am the weakling that just cant take even a mild dose of the Rona! lol. Everyone just laughs it off!

Our water is quite delicious from the tap. It is one of the things I miss most when I go places. They are messing with the New Yorkers heads!

They totally are messing with us! Look at this bizzarro shizit!

1549824996322729984?t=x0wfDxhz3gk0Ovq9BRsUJg&s=19 twitter metadata:TllDTWF5b3J8fGh0dHBzOi8vdHdpdHRlci5jb20vTllDTWF5b3Ivc3RhdHVzLzE1NDk4MjQ5OTYzMjI3Mjk5ODQ/dD14MHdmRHhoejNnazBPdnE5QlJzVUpnJnM9MTl8 ~~~

Who makes an ad about tapwater anyway, it's bonkers 😆

The rise of the cuckoo people thats what is happening. Tap water ain't all that even when its the nicest!


Aw look how young he was there, makes me feel old!!!

One of my favorite actors 😆

He has always cracked me up!

Me to. In fact I saw Liar Liar in hand cuffs on my way to jail and still laughed..

There's a tale!

"New Yorkers fainting over the sink as they attempted to wrestle water from their faucet." I love sentences like this. LOL

" I propose to sell the air! Perhaps on eBay to begin with. A modest price for a cubic foot of air. Good Scottish air, cooling air. Just imagine, down south as they whimper in the 40-degree heat. They can buy a couple of cubic feet of Scottish air and let it out in the stiflingly hot rooms. It will absorb all their excess warmth and more!"

I see you stepped back out into the real world just a wee bit early. ha ha It appears you are still under the influence. "They" say that some keep the crazy brain for quite a while after. 😂

I hope I keep some of the crazy brain. I can only see advantages to it as I progress through life!

A man and his moustache, it is great to stroke while showing a thinking pose. No need to really think though, that's the beauty of it. Just the touching of the facial hair growth is enough.

And an answer like "NO", after a stroking pause with a matching serious look has a lot of impact.

The idea with moving air could work. Already there's a lot of piping not being used for natural gas anymore. Offering clean and natural cooled Scottish air might work. Put a patent on it!

Welcome back mate!

Hehe, you have hit a nail on the head there mate. All that Gas piping running through the Europes that is no longer carrying gas. We could ship the cool, airs through it!

I don't think my feeble little moustache will last that long but it entertained me growing it!

We could ship the cool, airs through it!

Could not resist it... 😁👇

Have a great weekend, with or without mustache. 😎

Hehe, it has been a while since I have seen a good engage!!

Have a great one mate!

Thanks! 😁

Some lad went on the Late Late Show (An Irish weekly TV show that is the longest running show on earth apparently) in the late 80's proposing he would bottle water and sell it in shops. The whole Ireland laughed at this man hysterically while he sat there with a straight face. "But water is free " my father jeered.
"What a complete fucking eejet he is." People laughed and pointed and jeered at this guy but who is laughing now! I would have been glad of some Scottish fresh air in Portugal a couple of weeks ago!!You may be onto something!

I remember those times well! We used to see someone come in to College or work with a bottle of water and sneer at the snob for drinking lah-di-dah bottled water. Short hop later and we are all at it!

I am packaging that air up right now!

Everyone on the chain seems to have had it, but not me. Picking your nose while in Tesco hardly helps, you need to quit that habit. Did you lose the taste/smell?

How did you know that I liked to hang about Tesco picking my nose!

Its where all the hot chicks hang out ;O)

I didn't lose my taste or smell this time or last. Thank god for that as I would hate that

I've had it, I've told everyone on the chain mostly. Anyone who listens....

Something strange and funny at the same time. Two years ago, most of the world's population had a fever due to Covid. Perhaps now the infection has moved to nature, and the weather has become very hot.

Oooo, I like that way of thinking! It really does seem like that!

Glad to hear you are whoopin' the ass of that rona! Napping is the best thing about being down with the germs lol. They're already beefing us up for a return of the rona this fall...seems it's a little early lol

Yeek. Don't fancy getting it a third time or fourth or fifth. Funk the Rona!!

I am hoping it gets milder and milder until it's insignificant. If only it wouldn't keep mutating!

Me too! Unfortunately it wants to survive as much as we do lol. We should mutate along with it. I had it last August and it still gives me fits with stamina, or maybe I'm just lazy lol. Taste and smell came back for the most part, except for coffee and peanut butter...go figure lol

Anyhoos feel better quickly!

I am really glad I didn't get hot in the taste and smell department, that would drive me nuts. At least that rights itself eventually though.

I think you could be on to something, we have to mutate with the funker!! I'm gonna become a shark! :0D

air sale. Just thinking about the idea indicates that we should spend the summer in Iceland, yes?

I like Iceland. Soon we will all be moving there to get a cool breeze! :O)

Lmao 😂 That's quite the fever dream.
I would have bought that air last week. It was hot as fuck here in France. Like 36-40C every day. Too hot.

Glad you made it out alive this time round again.

We had the minor version of the hot spell. It got to 27 in Scotland. Which although not mental hot was bad enough for me loitering in bed sweating like a maniac!

Maybe it helped burn the covids out of me! lol

Yeah 27 is a nice comfortable day here haha but additional heat if you're already burning up probably isn't pleasant. When the rest of the world is too hot to live everyone is going to go North to Scotland where it's still bearable. It might get pretty busy in your neck of the

27 is good. That is my ideal hot temperature. I can take a little higher quite happily but it is good.

It would be weird to imagine our place suddenly becoming desirable in the grand scheme of heat!

Yeah 27 with no humidity is perfect. Not sure if Scotland is humid or not. I hate humidity lol.

I read a long time ago that climate change related emigration will be a thing as more and more hot zones become uninhabitable. We will see if it plays out that way I suppose

I hope the family remembered to feed you as you lay in your sickbed.

I'm sure people have sold air of various kids before. I saw some Thermos flasks today that claimed they could keep stuff cool for 22 hours, so you could be shipping that cool Scottish air south to help us out.

I think there could be a market for flavoured airs. Maybe 'Herring fleet at dawn' or 'Eau de Sporran'.

Oh you have the gift! The marketing gift! Flavoured airs. Such a variety could beckon!

My family kept me fed well, I tried to eat separately and do everything away from them which actually worked out alright as they were spared the rona which is fabulous news. Everyone is vaxed apart from the little guy who is too young but you always get that fear. Better to not get it than get it after you have had it I say.

My water bottle has some claim about keeping things cool for 20 hours. I will have to bang on the charges for the bottles too ;OD

I avoided the 'rona for ages despite others in the house getting it. It caught up with me in the end, but just about over it now. It does linger a bit. Hope you recover quickly.


I am sure I will, I know I am getting better enough now because I am contemplating getting out and doing a bit of exercise. I hope you can steer clear of a second infection. Minging things that they are. I am going to be a bit more careful in future

Hey @meesterboom, here is a little bit of BEER from @steevc for you. Enjoy it!

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@tipu curate

Hello Missy D! How the heck are ya! And thank you!

Glad to see you alive and well. And spouting God stuff! Booyah!

You know me and that God fellow, cant get enough of one another! :OD

Don't be cheeky, otherwise, He won't make you a Super Star. :)

True, got to keep in the good books!!

Flair in over exaggeration had me laugh out loud once again, first time in a week, so thanks.

sell the children to pay for my fancy T-shirts

Sounds like a good plan, Oh the air sales should do well....

Keep writing, happy Friday hope you feel better now you got that off your chest!

@tipu curate 2

Getting it off my chest is exactly the right way to put it, I can breathe almost easily again!

I am not sure my kids get their relative importance when it comes to comparison with my Fancy T's :OD

Happy Friday!

Hopefully outside the cities where the air is clean to breath, shitty stuff we get dosed with, send some crisp fresh air our way...

PS: Good to hear you feel better, them gremlins don't sound friendly at all!

I am quite glad I live outwith the city, on the outskirts but far enough away that the air is quite good. No city living for me!

Currently looking for an ox wagon (going back to that soon) to take me away from suburbia which has become a tormentor of the brain (little that is left of the gray matter).

No petrol soon, no electricity just straight thick pollution, seepage everywhere.

I must say, not having to pay for petrol can only be a win! Especially these days, we will all be getting the ox wagons!

Never fear, powers that be would bring in a shit law with oxen as well! Jerking peoples chain is what I say....

They would, you are right. It is literally every way they think they can stiff the little people

I'll take two! I am kidding! But I will happily swap you for some swampland in Florida!

Good to see you back! So tell me, tell me, tell me do... was this worse than last time? Wait! Did you just run back to the safety of the attic?

Hi, Boom! Good to see you lucid and living!

Haha, I am back in the Attic! lol. Best head back down and see the odd squad down below.

It was worse than the first time largely because of the cough. I got quite a tight chest and a cough that at times had me wondering if I should be going and seeing someone. Fortunately, I manned up and gave myself a good shake and here we are, I am still a bit ill but my test was clear today, obvs I did it out of sheer nosiness as I was feeling better. I still have the cough but its a bit looser.

All in all it is really ot something I am keen on getting repeatedly! And don't get me started on the fear of Long Covid!

It was going to happen, you getting back to where you belong. The virus that caused Covid-19 has slowly mutated, allowing it to elude the immune system enough to infect, time and again. Yay, right? But, I think it will go the way of a bad cold eventually. So many think they died and went to Hell, but, came back. Just know you are in the minority. Most have lesser symptoms.

The fear of Long Covid is gone! I hear we are free! :)

On that, I believe we need a !PIZZA and !BEER

I am going to take your word for it on the Long Covid and it turning cold-like front. You know me, I like a bit of optimism!

Did someone say !PIZZA ?

And dont forget the !BEER

Did you know that they had gotten sneaky with the Beer command and it checks for other calls now and if you request another one like Pizza or Lol or any of thoseones it gets all sulky and doesn't deliver!

Terribly stingy of them!

How dare they? Fire them! No pouting allowed. A little beer goes with !Pizza

Thanks for bringing me up to speed!

I know. Someone should have a system word with them and tell them these damned tokens are for fun dammit!! :0)

Hey @dswigle, here is a little bit of BEER from @meesterboom for you. Enjoy it!

Do you want to win SOME BEER together with your friends and draw the BEERKING.

Thanks for the beer!

We live in Scotland. Cold, damp Scotland. Even in the heights of summer, it is cold. It is wet. The air is always chilly.

That's why I don't want to visit England or anywhere in the UK. However, it is not certain that they would give me visa :)

I wouldn't like cold and rain during summers. I have always had of them enough except summer. Get well soon mate.

Have a good weekend.

They might not give you a visa these days. We have gone full on xenophobe! If you could get in you would have to be careful to only visit when the sun was shining and there was sun spot activity. That way you could possibly take the pain of the rain and damp!

Cheers mate, hope you have a good weekend too!

Haha, now that is a selling point. If only you could bloody see midges and not just get a hint of a flying dot then an itchy spot! Highland Air, with guaranteed midges!

Lord Boom. Lol! It isn't available now ;O)

Hi @meesterboom ,Haaaaaaaa, I would buy Scottish air with BTC haaaaaaa, your vision is not far from reality, there are people who are selling land on Mars and there are those who are buying it, without a doubt it is a better business than selling children haaaaaaa.
Hey I'm glad you're better, I don't see your mustache, but I imagine it, but apparently your family doesn't like it, you should cut it, but first ask the good lady if you look much more masculine or not :)

I am glad I am better too. The Good Lady feels faint in my presence. I am sure that is the moustache and nothing to do with the smell of me as I haven't showered in many days :OD

Out of curiosity, do you. not have a basement! Cold and cool so that you can balance the air temp with your fever.

Glad you are back ... But, when it comes to selling air ... I believe I could sell the fresh Northern Canada air versus that stench filled Glaswegian smog. ;-)

Instead of air, keep shipping the scotch!!!!

We dont, Basements are quite few and far between up here. I suspect because of the endless wet. It would be like building a room in the sea. I would love one though. Technically I love the attic as it is like a giant tent especially in storms.

We will stick to the Scotch. Imight buy some of that fresh piney Canadian air!

I was chatting with my English colleagues. They were a little shocked when I told them my basement is usually 17 degrees. Even when it's 35 degrees outside.

It's lovely.

Thats a nice temp! Now all you need is a window for a nice view... :OD

My window looks up at 3 bird feeders and a sunflower.


It keeps me entertained.

And quote rightly too. Blummin heck, I feel the jealous coming on. I want a basement!

So Miss D beat me reading must have a faster connection in her neck of the woods, cheers !BEER

Hehe, she was quick on the draw. Like a dragon pup! I thank you all the same!

There is only one thing to do with gremlins and that is crush them!

Spitfire lightning fast, yikes cannot compete there....

Gremlin crush or drown em, keep a wee Whisky close to hand 😂

She has wizard hands!

Wizard hands Spitfire onboard, whisky toddies AKA safety precaution against gremlins. keep an eye on Miss D no speed wobble 😅

Happy Saturday!

Happy saturday Missy!

Whisky toddies should be in every emergency first aid kit :O)

Not at all! I just clicked on it to see if Boom was still among the living. I swooped in and killed his double tip!

Shameful!Whiskey me away! I'll take some of that!

Among the living. I think I shall have to change my Hive tagline to that!

Hey @meesterboom, here is a little bit of BEER from @joanstewart for you. Enjoy it!

Do you want to win SOME BEER together with your friends and draw the BEERKING.


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Very happy to hear that you returneth and the coof has not claimed yet another one. Yea no-one is spared seemingly as even our own Masked Man Biden is having his time with the coof.