Killin Time

in #life7 months ago

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A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

I chewed over those deep words as I laid out my clothes for the dark deeds that lay ahead.

There was killing to be done.

A man can't refuse the call when it comes and it's seemed that once again someone had tooted my trumpet of death.

And that's a toot that can't be ignored.

Grimacing, I pulled out my black ninja outfit. It had been a while since it had seen real action beyond the games of pork shuriken myself and the good Lady sauced up boring Sundays with.

As I slid an arm into it, I paused.

Was this really the best outfit?

This wasn't to be a silent killing.

No, this was to be a bloody exhibition. A lesson for others to heed.

I threw the ninja outfit back in the cupboard wincing with regret as I flung the two toed flappy ninja shoes with it.

Damn, I loved those things.

My eyes drifted over my many outfits of wanton destruction and murder.

They stopped on a nondescript hoody and jeans.

Yes, of course. The outfit I painted houses in. Perfect.

Staring off into a barren future only I could see, I threw myself into them like a Welshman throwing himself into Aunt Fanny's knicker drawer.

This is it, fuckers. Time to die.

I husked in a gravelly voice.

It was my killing voice. Three parts sexy, two parts Stone Cold Steve Austin and one part Jamaican rum.

It had been known to make crows fall, stone dead from the sky.

Or make women gasp in astonishment at the sudden and painful erection of their nipples.

A man can't help be a sexy mother fucker at times.

Even killing times.

But enough of the shilly-shallying about. Today wasn't about killing time.

I grimaced like Pacey from Dawson's Creek when he found out that Dawson had accidentally filmed him losing his virginity to that teacher woman and headed for the stairs.

Kicking open the door to the lounge, I strode in, my hips shimmying like the heat haze on a country road in June.

You said there was killin to be done?

I grunted at the Good Lady who was kneeling in front of the fish tank with our daughter.

Killing? What the heck are you taking about Daddy-Bear?

The Good Lady frowned as if hearing that the Russians might have interfered with our election.

You said there was killing to be done? I've been upstairs getting myself all goosed up for it?

I narrowed my eyes at the Good Lady.

No I didn't. I said can you come down and help me take care of these fish once and for all. We're not killing anything! I phoned the shop and they will happily take them all back and give us new ones.

The Good Lady wafted a little net around to emphasise her words.

Oh. I thought...

Oh yes, Daddy-Bear? You thought you would come in here all manly and kill lots of defenceless baby fish?

The Good Lady pressed her lips and looked disapprovingly down her nose at me.

A considerable feat given she was kneeling on the floor.

Aw. I've not killed anything for ages. You sure there's nothing needing a good killing?

I kicked sulkily at an imaginary stone on the carpet.

No Daddy-Bear. Nothing needs killing.

The Good Lady returned her attention to the fish tank.

I threw myself huffily on to the sofa.

Pish flaps. Sometimes life sucks.

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The good lady must be very much in love with you, she supports you and understands you, or maybe you are already something that she will never let go, good for you

I hope she never lets me go!!

She thinks I am quite a pain in the arse right enough :0)

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Aw. I've not killed anything for ages. You sure there's nothing needing a good killing?

I'll discord you half of my list Boomdawg, it'll keep you busy for a while.

A man needs a busyness or he might find himself turning to the dark side!!

Lol. Well, holler if you want half my list...It's too long for me to complete in one lifetime.

Fire away, I'll do them for free!!! :0D

Lol...There's a few you might know on there. It'll not stop you from doing the job though.

Never does. A jobs a job

When I read Stone Cold Steve Austin and got that picture in my mind, I was almost ready to forgive you for some killing.... but I am glad that once again you did not listen haha

Hehe, one day my time will come! Good old Steve Austin, I had forgotten about him until I was writing that bit!

No truer words than A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. It fits in so many of life's situations!

It's a keeper and a live'r by!! :0D

Send the fish back to the store? Camon... fish have lots of protein! Just put them in a blender with some eggs and do an omelet!!

The good lady preventing a mass murder of fish proportions!

I did joke about eating them but they were too small and my daughter went nuts!

I do think the kindest thing would have been to flush em down the pan but no one was up for that idea either!

It was my killing voice. Three parts sexy, two parts Stone Cold Steve Austin and one part Jamaican rum.

Good Lord... Holy crap!! the Jamaican rum tone is what will be fluttering around my ears for a good while.

It had been known to make crows fall, stone dead from the sky.

Is it possible that I am dead already? " :p

Perhaps we are all dead already!! ;0)

hello dear friend @meesterboom good night
Women do not understand men, they do not know that we cannot be without killing something other than time.
It is incredible how those things that you have shared for your fish tank continue to reproduce

Have a great night

The job is done and all the reproducing fish are gone, hurrah!!!

A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

It is often attributed to John Wayne and his Stagecoach movie, however, can you believe it actually comes from Grapes of Wrath? Which was banned in the Soviet Union because Stalin was upset that it depicted even the poorest of Americans could afford a car.

Wait... I digress...

!tip

Hehe, I knew that only because I checked to see if it was the Duke like I thought it was and I was like aw!! Didn't know that about Stalin!!!

Hahaha! I am just a history nut. :) Didn't want to spoil your story! You are too fun to do that to.

Yeah! Can you believe Stalin? LOL

I like the art behind the story, it depicts you perfectly every time

Haha you look like a modern Braveheart in that picture

With a ten gallon hat!! Or whatever they call those damn things!

Hahahhahha. Muscle building!

The lady is good one and I think she is in love with you character nothingelse can take her away except death...much interesting thanks for posting this.

OH MY GOD, DEATH CAN TAKE HER!?!

Hopefully not for a while :OD

This went South extremely quickly hahaha - I have an idea little reading or understanding was done

MAXIMUM ESCALATION!

Lol, it does seem that way.

A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

Toffo.

That's what came to mind..., it was always a Western theme as well!

Lol, Toffo's were ace!! I had forgotten about them. They're not still going are they? If they are I'm getting some!

...bite into the chocolate and chew... real slow... <.drawling voice.>..

I haven't seen them in years, lots of the great ones are gone!

They are that. I fear that might be one of them because I haven't seen them about and what with the kids and all I find myself in the sweets aisle more times than I care to!

I didn't know that sexy motherfucker, manly, killing machines with husky voices watched Dawsons Creek? :D

!tip


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You gotta cover all them bases! How else are you meant to empathise with them ladies and get in their good books if you cant cover a few Dawson's basics!! :OD

Whatevaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar!!! hahahaha :D

Wahahahhahahahah!!!! ;OD

Us ladies have not shit for brains :D

It has taken a surprising number of years but eventually it has sunk into this rather thick head of mine, lol!

Yes we know you gents are a bit on the slow side :P

We can be... Or wait, unless that's a ruse to lure the ladies into our vicious spider web of love!!

Yeah, he did once...He intended to kill himself for doing so...Ballzed it up though...So now just quotes it instead.

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