All resources assigned to this release can now be stood down.
I read the notification in a big Teams channel set up for the massive project we were working on.
My fingers glided up to my laptop keyboard as if being guided by vegan ghosts at a tofu party and started tapping.
To be fair, some of them have barely stood up in the first place.
I tapped out and hit send.
I was pissed off. This week had been a hell of 12/13 hour working days, each one full of chaos, mad managers and shouting.
As was usual in my place, some people had just sat about picking dark-grapes from their back-bakery and making NFTs out of them whilst the rest of us had slaved away like gammon puppets in a biscuit tin.
As soon as I hit send I stared down at my hands in horror.
What had I done?! You don't call out the shameless skivers on a giant group chat that had all the big managers and executives in it.
No, the correct way to deal with lazy bastards is to chin them in the toilets whilst they were peeing. Well, the men at least. Might be a bit troublesome doing it in the ladies.
Men were always at their weakest when peeing. It's a fact.
If I ever get drafted to fight in a war, I will demand that it is held in a toilet.
On my screen a multitude of people were typing, the cute little animation that Teams did when people typed showed me that I was in big trouble.
I was usually so good at skating the line between being really useful to my company but being an annoying bastard at the same time but the move I had just made, it was a rookie move.
At this rate, I would be lucky if I wasn't sent to the Edinburgh office which is where all the useless fannybadgers ended up.
I shuddered remembering the old phrase, There is more enjoyment to be had at a Glasgow stabbing than an Edinburgh wedding.
It was true.
Oh god, people were still typing.
I closed my eyes and readied myself for the onslaught.
There was a small ding as the first message popped up.
It was a private message, not a reply in the main chat. It was from El-Jefe, the boss man.
I think you have a very valid point!
I stared at his message. There was something wrong here. What the fuck was he using an exclamation mark for? He should have been giving me a stern talking to about responsibility and presenting a united front.
Cheers, Boss-Guy. It's just a pain in the bahoomph when you know there are people literally tossing off into a sock all day and the rest of us, the mugs, are working ourselves to the bone.
I typed with a merry flourish. If I wasn't in trouble, I may as well double down on my point.
I flicked over to the main chat. No one had responded except for a couple of thumbs up's. My comment was now buried in a sea of congratulatory messages about how amazing we all were as a team.
I flicked back to El-Jefe who was typing away like a teen on Snapchat.
You are totally right and that is one of the reasons why I have volunteered you to be one of the Pioneers!
Another exclamation mark. Pioneers? I didn't like the sound of this.
Before I could ask any more another message popped up.
I have volunteered you to lead Red Team. Tuesdays and Thursdays in the office, starting from June. What do you say. Are you in?
My mouth went dry on reading his words. A strange prickling ran up and down my spine.
Go back into the office? Into COVID central??!? Was he fucking nuts? No chance. I had gotten used to staying at home and farting in peace instead of holding it in till it dissolved into my bloodstream as was normal in the office so that I didn't look like Captain Farty-Brown-Pants.
I readied myself to type a stern rebuttal.
Daddy-Bear, when you have a minute, can you help me with the washing?
The Good Lady yodelled from downstairs.
I paused, exhaled slowly then started to type.
A pioneer, eh? Funk it. Count me in.
I hit send.
Be well Boom. I work in healthcare so ive been back to work this whole time almost. Keep your immune system strong. Have a pioneer beer for good luck. Keep the good stories coming. Cheers from the U.S, and screw those dishes!
Hehe, cheers dude!!
I never thought I would be working from home for so long! I am drinking beer specifically to try and keep my immune system strong! I mean that's Doctoring right there :OD
I got covid before the pandemic happened and survived...
I think I got it before lockdown happened!!
Absolutely if you remember just before this entire pandemic happened we had this horrendous flu season absolutely destroyed us.
Pretty much everybody that I knew was really sick and the cough lasted for quite a while.
The massive fever and debilitating cold symptoms as well as the extreme lung congestion are very telling symptoms.
By inhaling alcohol fumes multiple times a day I was able to knock back the infection in my lungs and by popping some hand warmers and keeping nice and toasty even though I was living in that extremely uninsulated box fan I was able to keep nice and warm until that fever broke.
There are upsides to working from home office. And then there's them downsides that help make a choice instantly. 😁👍
I love the upsides. I love mostly everything. Them the kids go nuts or the Good Lady demands I do chores and I think wtfunk!!!
Sounds like the rabbit is jumping back into the briar patch.
Onwards and upwards and don't believe all the crazy stuff they say about this scam of a pandemic.
You mean it is caused by dogs!?! Hot shit, I am in trouble. I patted one today! :OD
Yep. And zombies...
Never trust a zombie, that's what my old dad used to say years after he died and was banging on the front door with his undead friends 😃😃
That's good...
I always dig the thumbnails! So awesome.
My favourite bit! :O)
I bet!! How long do those take you to make?
I respectfully decline to answer.... hahahaha. Sometimes they take me longer to make than the writing takes to write and despite the appearance of my writing sometimes looking like it is just thrown out there it takes me a tad longer to get it right than I would like to admit :OD
HAHAHAHA :)
I am about to complete almost 10 years 😀 The difference is now people understand how hard it is to WFH 😁
It does have its own challenges, usually centered around the kids I find!!
I can’t wait to read about the first skirmish in the toilets of the frontier..er, office.
As a pioneer I feel like you can fart freely with pride and honor as you recolonize the workplace.
Good luck sir!
I shall colonize everything with my baked brown breath
They wont know what hit em! :OD
Hi @meesterboom,First I will tell you that when I read that you saw thumbs up I remembered some friends that I already took from my WhatsApp, that was always the answer, it cannot be that I am such a perfect man ha ha ha ha ha, or will it be that if ha ha ha ha, now you go back to the office to get sick with Colon for not helping the good lady with the chores of the house, please give her a kiss and tell her, then my love, and so on all day until that I do not count on you, but well there is no remedy, I hope you do not get sick ha ha ha ha, I imagine you looking everywhere and not being able to fart at ease ha ha ha,
I will tell her that very thing!!
Although I agreed, I am not sure I will be going in. I have several weeks to think of an excuse!! After all, the farts won't take kindly to their freedom being taken away!! :0D
At least when you are back at work you can tell all those people you don't like that get to close to step back, back more, a little more. and then talk loud enough at them the whole office hears.
I am looking forward to the bit where I can mumble at people from behind a mask and they wont have a clue what I am saying but I will be laughing because I wont be saying anything coherent. That will learn them! :OD
There is that, also a Darth Vader type mask one that makes your voice sound creepy.
Lol. I do like a novelty mask. I have seen ones that look like you are not wearing a mask but I think they may cause too many problems!!
So to demonstrate the danger of pride to the new kids that we are training, I pull my shoe off to show them the hole in my sock. Afterwards also that "Oh no, what did I do now" feeling.
So yeah, you are not the only one that gets that feeling every now and then.
That is good to hear!!
I am perpetually haunted by the oh no, what did I do now feeling. I should learn to control my tongue. Our even my typey fingers! ;0)
Hahaha, look back and you will see how many times it got you onto trouble.
Dame here and I think that it's a lesson that we will never learn.
In fact it's good to upset the wonky applecart now and then :)
Yeah, everything can't be perfect or it Would be a very boring life!!
Ah! A boring life is definately not for us my friend.
I agree, stagnation is the end of things!!
The office? that sounds fucking terrible. My gig finishes in early June. I'm going to take the summer off..., woohoo.....
You are one lucky mofo!
My place is determined to get people back in. So much for all their talk of blended blah blah and keeping us all at home. I am going to try and worm out of it!! :0D
There's talk at my place, but none of that crap. A secret ballot was posted and most people didn't want to go back!
Secret ballots are the best, we haven't had one in quite some time as they don't usually like what they hear!!!
Heh. Here, we're pioneering in our own way, pushing the library management nannies into accepting our rebellious ways.
Outdoor storytime for kids.
Outdoor craft programs for adults.
An extra computer open, particularly since it's tax season in the States, and most of the region has shitty rural internet.
Also, some of us might pack enough heat every day to make an Oregon Trail pioneer blush. Heh. If the COVID Karens knew what we had tucked into our waistbands, strapped to our ankles, or stowed in shoulder holsters, they'd wet their panties!
The previous paragraph is definitely just braggadocio and bluster, unless you really wanna fuck around and find out!
Hahaha, thats what has to be done. A fellow should never be without a weapon!!
I tell you what, wouldn't mind working if it was outside in Summer! Outside sessions for me!
Hey, Boom. You know I work in healthcare and never did get to telecommute. So, I have been knee-deep in Covid since the beginning of time.
You have already been given advice. Cheers! I'll be thinking of you!!!
Cheeers!
If I had never worked from home I would probably be horrified at the idea of working from home! But now, I like wearing shorts! :OD
If you want, I can tell you some stories about working in "shorts" that may horrify you. No. I can't...under oath and all that.
I wonder what El Jeffe would say if you worked from the office in them? Methinks he might find a reason to send you back home. :))
I think that's exactly what he would do. He would pack me off home to get charged and come back in!!
Oh go on, spill some stories anonymously!! :0)
Maybe someday. It would be too obvious now! :) I hope you don't have to go in yet. I have a feeling the door is going to be slammed again before summer is too far along.
I am ready for the new lockdown. :(
Will, they announced today, just as well are starting to relax lockdown that Glasgow is not moving out of level 3 as our numbers are going back up. Blegh. I'm bored of the never ending lockdown!
OMG! You Scots! What are you doing to turn that around so quickly?
If I had never worked from home I would probably be horrified at the idea of working from home! But now, I like wearing shorts! :OD
Did you just want to lead Red Team to feel like you're in a video game? XD
It does have the feel of a video game! Apparently the other team is blue team. I will have to take in a super soaker or something!!
Yep sometimes a man has to choose the lesser of two evils!
They say that when you look into the wash basket, the wash basket also looks into you! lol
Lol I would not be surprised if someone would actually turn a grape into NFT art 😂😂
If you would ever fight in a war, you would pick the toilet as the battlefield. Do you know what line came into my mind instantly when I have read these very words? Careful someone dropped a grenade, run God have mercy for the individual trapped in an explosive toilet💣🚽😂😂
Lol, I was imagining all kinds of grenades being dropped. Particularly noxious chemical warfare ones!
Its still the safest place for a victory though :OD
I'm not exactly clear on what happened here, but it sounded intense. :)
This line for example is filled with references that I probably should get, but don't, lol. Who did what now? Oh well, I get the vibe from the context, some people were lazy non-contributors?
Anyway, it's surprising but speaking up in integrity and truth, even if that truth seems poised to upset others, can often turn out quite alright.
And I imagine your time with the red team will turn out just fine.
Anyway, great writing, glad I stopped by, and wishing you lots of joy and success. 🙏
Yes indeed.. Some of the team are just not very... team.
I am quite sure it will work out though. It usually does or someone will surely die!!!!
;0)
Something I'm sure many of us can relate to, lol.
Fingers crossed the latter isn't necessary 🤣
Yes indeed. Half the problem with working with oherds is in fact working with others but I am a master of psychology in the workplace,lol.
And of course, if the psychology fails there is always the latter option :OD
lol, I feel similarly, on all counts :OD 😇
I assumed that was a meesterboomerism, but no, the intertubes assured me that it was a Glaswegian point of pride.
I would love to play claim to that one but it's an oldie invented by a finer mind than mine!! It is quite funny tho, eh!! :0D
I saw them vegan ghosts eating dark-grapes with a merry flourish! And how was your day? :)
Watch our for them vegan ghosts, they will be the death of us!! :0)
My day is quite splendid now, I hope yours is too!
Yep that unhealthy diet gives you mental illnesses and as well as permanent brain damage.
Let alone all of those precious baby plants that could have been but all those fetuses were destroyed and ground apart by those horrible vegan fangs.
Imagine the cries from all the carrots!!! Just think of the baby plants murdered in the billions by all these vegans.
Cool!
Awesome!
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El Jefe!! By Jove, that rank bastard is still the head honcho! It's as if I hadn't been off on exile. Man, I miss the shenanigans you go through.
With all this pent up cabin fever, I do get how you feel. Now that you're fully jabbed up and ready to, you have less excuses to blaze those trails. Send postcards when you pass that yonder horizon!