Damn, I've got a right watery eye today.
I dabbed at my eye which was scooshing out water like a drunk Irishman on his sixth pint of Guinness.
Naughty naughty, what have you been up to you?
My boss El-Jefe smirked on screen.
Eh, what do you think I have been up to? Taking my eyeball out and sticking it up dirty fannies?
I replied, scrunching my face up in disgust.
Fanny of course being a fine Scottish slang word for vagina. Not to be confused with the American fanny which means arse.
It's a complicated old world, isn't it?
Ugh, no. Of course, I didn't mean that? God, you always have to take it too far don't you?
El-Jefe grimaced at the very idea of vaginas romping free in the world.
Perhaps he worried that they would start smashing the place up and demanding free towels.
Take it too far? I thought I was being quite restrained. Taking it too far would have been to say, so you think I have been taking my eye out and letting men stick their greasy penises into the socket?
I sat back and grinned.
El-Jefe looked at me in horror.
That's... That's bloody disgusting!? See? See what I mean? You always take it too far!?
He licked his lips and dry swallowed shaking his head vigorously as if to force the very image out of there.
It seemed to work and he leaned in close to his laptop so that his bulbous face filled the screen.
Let's see it then?
He asked curiously.
See what?
I said suspiciously.
I was never a fan of video calls for exactly this reason. You never knew if the person on the other end was cracking one off by whilst peering at your glorious pixelated visage.
Which could either be quite horrifying or the greatest compliment ever.
Your eye, daftie. Put it up close.
El-Jefe was peering at me through lidded eyes as if he were Madame Zsa Zsa doing my tarot again.
And when I say doing my tarot I actually mean doing my tarot. Not polishing my celery.
Oh, alright then.
I stretched my eye open and stick it close to my web cam.
Can't see a thing. It goes all shadowy when you get too close.
El-Jefe sounded all disappointed as if he had picked a secret Santa name from a hat and got Wee Agnes, the office cleaner for the third year in a row.
It's bloody annoying. Itches like hell.
I grunted.
Go to the doctor's?
Suggested El-Jefe.
Can't. Don't want to be trapped in a room with a Doctor who has literally had his fingers inside Covid people for the last week.
What about the pharmacy then? They should be able to give you something?
El-Jefe smiled, all pleased with himself that for once in his life he had actually said something useful.
I nodded.
It was a good idea. But then a realisation hit me.
This was going to need a whole other post
Wait wait wait wait WAIT. El Jefe said something useful?!
Fanny is arse in American? Fannypacks now make much more sense XD
He did, it was astonishing. I nearly fell off my chair with the shock of it. Home working is obviously suiting him!
It confused me for a long time. So fanny down there is the same as fanny up here! Fantastic, I thought us Scots were alone in that! :OD
Oh that does sound like an adventure. After being cooped up, I trust the real world will be overwhelming. You might mistake birds for flying vaginas or who knows what.
Hola lass!!
Yes indeed, I think I will be mistaking everything for it! I shall keep my eyes to the skies! ;OD
Now.. that would be something to see.
Imagine them, to trading down the streets like giant radioactive slugs!!
What would they eat? The answer is to terrifying to contemplate.
I feel that the Fanny discussion is making a comeback! I've seen in a recent stand up a problem with the confusion on the word fanny. Well, I stick with arse cause it makes more sense!!
I dunno, I have grown up with fannys as vaginas! It makes it hard for me to think of it as anything else!! lol!
LOOK ! Fred and Wilma !
snicker
Lol!! I totally got that when I was doing it. Masks me glad I don't have that hair!
Hello dear friend @meesterboom good afternoon
I admire how you write and the way you describe the situation, I was never so funny to imagine the Irish drunk.
Have a great afternoon dear friend
Thank you jlufer. I write what I see with a twist!?
I can't wait till lockdown is over and I get out and about a bit more right enough!
I would definetely avoid doctors and hospitals too. Especially now.
Yup. There is no way in hell I am going near one right now. I did go to the pharmacy though!! Strange days!!!
Very👀
A friend was constantly getting pink-eye. Meds would take care of it for about a week, then it would return. This went on for a couple of months.
It turns out that the cat was cuddling up to her while she slept. And by cuddling up, I mean rubbing it's arse up against her face at night.
The cat is now locked out of the room at night ... and the pink eye has gone away for over 6 months)
I wouldn't be surprised by something similar being the case here. My cats are sleep thieves and constantly pester me when sleeping. They don't cope well with being locked out though. Make a huge racket!!
What a gangster story. At least that's what I felt while reading it.
My gangster life writ large ;0)
Cool though. I hope to see more
Penises and sockets ... really?? That's way too far...
He is right, I do tend to take it a bit too far: 0)
Take it slowly please
That's what she said!!! Boom boom!!!
Ah a cliffhanger lol.
Haha and what a one!! :0D