Screeeecehhhhchhhh.
I looked up in some alarm at the screeching sound of brakes outside my house.
What the fuck was this? Was it those bloody Sumerians again? I had already told them I would have no truck with their ancient gods.
Damn, they were worse than the bloody Mormons.
I hauled my big fat arse out of my chair and wombled up to the window to see who dared poke the Dawg in his den.
It was a white van. That was a relief. If it had been grey or black it might have been rapers or worse yet Mancunians.
I wondered who it was though. They were parked right up on the kerb outside my house and call me an old territorial bastard with one big left ball but I did consider that bit of turf to be mine.
Aha. I knew what to do.
I would open my front door and shake my fist angrily at the vanderdrivers whoever they were. That would show them who's boss.
I heaved my fat donkey of a frame toward the front door and yanked it open, twirling my fingers in preparation for the fisting.
There ee is, what the fook, man. You've put on about ten stone?!
Bellowed a voice in a bear'ish roar.
My mouth dropped.
For there, little more than 20 feet away stood the Bear-Man. His magnificent beard as bushy as ever, his arms like oak trunks and his belly bulging over his belt like chronic haemorrhoids.
Ha!! Look who's talking you fat fuck!
I yelled joyously.
The Bear-Man grinned hugely, as he were a lion and I a lady gazelle wearing a dress made out of bacon.
A fat fuck! I'll just take these fookin beers away with me then, aye!
He yanked the side of the van open and hoofed a cardboard box up onto his knee. He flicked the top flap open with a fantabulously meaty thumb.
The sun glinted from the tops of the exotic beers within from Bear-Man Land.
My vision darkened and my heart beat hard in my chest as if I were back in the eighties and Sandra was tearing my frenulum all over again.
Damn her and her trollishly strong hands.
Ach, away and raffle yer doughnut ya wee shite!
I yelled gleefully.
I couldn't explain it but I was very happy to see the Bear-Man and his mighty beers.
Aye, I'll raffle your doughnut ya prick!
He laughed and stuck the box down at my gate.
Right, I will be off then. Catch ya next week?
He grinned, we both knew the answer to that one.
With a wink, the Bear-Man clumsily clambered into the van and it roared off down the road.
I grabbed the box and headed into the house. One of the beers, a tangerine something or other peeked out invitingly from the top.
You're getting had first.
I whispered to it softly.
Lockdown might be shit but it looked like it had gotten a whole lot better.
Did you pee on it? If you peed on it than it is definitely your turf!
Bear-man does house deliveries?! Can he come to Portugal and deliver me some beers?
I pee on everything I claim too be mine!!
He might be a bit stretched to reach out that far, ;0D
Sweet Jesus!!! My vineyard doesn't do deliveries. Even now. I am feeling so cheated! Although truth be told, I am looking forward to beer time!!!!!
Upped and Reposted
!tip
No deliveries!? But how can you cope without life's essentials!! :0D
And cheers very much!
I know, right?? They are taking lockdown seriously. The mayor is probably in a twelve-step program and sees nothing wrong with it.
Oh, I need to check out the tangerines!!!!
Bye!
It's a tough one, they are talking it seriously or not seriously enough. I guess that only time will tell what the right course of action was to have been!
Misleading clickbait title! I thought you were going to be having a fruit delivery! 😜
I love a good misleading title!!! 🤣🤣
Sweet dramatic ending lol, I guess the annoying anticipation of opening the door everytime you hear a knock during this lockdown can be frustrating, thankfully lol it wasn't that bad
Aye. When it was bad, I used to shit myself about answering the door to anyone but you can't knock it when it's a beer delivery!
Hahaha well the freedom of beer to come in equals that of happiness 🤣🤣🤣
It don't half. Now all I need is for work finish time!!!
This is incredible dear friend @meesterboom
Beer in the comfort of your front door. Hurrah!!
It turned out to be a great person and a good merchant the "Man" "bear"
Things are finally improving in his country. Let's hope it turns out good.
Now I am eager to know how these will turn out
I wish you a beautiful afternoon dear friend
I am keen to see how they taste too. It's quite an amazing thing to get out to your door :0)
What a happy reunion! Those beers are a necessity for these dark days of lockdown. I would give my eye teeth for the delivery of anything. I am not surprised that he has taken up delivery. I would suspect the prices are a bit higher for the privilege of getting kerbside service.
The prices are higher but the delivery is free if local. It's like a Yin and Yang thing!!
It's delivery Central over here these days. I got 16 kilos of flour the other day, nearly broke my back lifting it :0D
Bear beer man does deliveries now? Sweeeet!
I hear Mancunians do also, but that's a story for another time!
He does, he appears to have given up on the shop opening and is doing deliveries. Happy days. Although the price seems to have taken a hike!!
Well at least you can throw that Tennants Super away!
It is pricey getting deliveries but beer dude, to your doorstep, worth it!
Aye, it is worth it! He has been quite cunning and I don't blame him. Free deliveries within 4 miles or something. Almost makes up for the price increase!!
Sounds like you both missed the ridiculously entertaining beer shop banters XD
I know I certainly have!!!
this article excited me. at least as much as beers :)
Glad to hear it, is it's got beer, I'm excited!
A tangerine something.
Gonna remember that one of beer
It's a very nice strong one!
Bear and beer - nice pun.
Should I call you a punstar?
Stay safe
hats me, the King of Puns!! :OD
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