Mate. you want to go halfers with me?
A voice husked conspiratorially from my phone's naughty undercarriage.
I cupped my hand over the mouthpiece and looked around furtively. No one was watching. Good. After all, I was on work time and it seemed like some kind of deal was about to go down.
It had been some time since I had been asked to go halfers on something. A long time indeed. No matter, I still had it. I still had them moves.
Self consciously, I tugged at my jeans so they hung a little lower on my hips.
Sup, homes? Halfers eh? How much we talking?
I tipped my head up as if acknowledging one of my bloods on the street even though I was in the attic and no one could see me.
Think, sixty each would cover it.
My mate Daz sounded shaky and well he should. 60 big ones? Looks like we were moving into the big league. I wondered if I still had my baseball bat in the garage. Might have to dust it off, crack a few skulls.
Sixty. Might have to shift some funds about, might need a few hours, hombre. Tell me, what we buying? Powder? Pills?
I could already imagine it, standing on the superyacht, ball-deep in some skanky street-wife whilst tugging at the Captain's horn. HOOOOOOOOONNNNK ... HOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNK I didn't ask for this life but it's the life I have been given and god damn I am gonna live it. Nah mate. It's this deal. Old J rum, 120 bucks on UKdeals. Will I send you the link? 6 assorted bottles. I mean the gold one itself is worth fifty quid! We could chip in and half it, three bottles each? Daz had that same high pitched voice he got when he tried to put a cat in a sock. I came down to earth with a bump. Sixty quid?! Sixty fucking quid? Fuck sake man, I take more than sixty quid into the toilet with me in case I get caught short? I heard Daz flinch from the man-slap of my voice. I continued on. Why do you want to go halfers on something that costs 120 quid? I mean, we ain't teenagers anymore. Can't you just buy one and I will buy one? Boom. Problem solved and we don't have to fight over who gets the bottle of Gold stuff. I shook my head. Daz was a great guy but sometimes, especially since becoming a Dad to about a million fucking spawn children, he didn't think straight. I can't mate. She would kill me if I spent a hundred and twenty bucks on rum. A silence followed Daz's admission as if he had just fessed up to touching cats arses. Mate, seriously, fucking buy the thing and get your wife told. It's your money and you are on the wrong side of forty-five. Buy what the fuck you want. I didn't like to administer the tough love but sometimes a man had to hear another man tell him he was worthless. It's like that old story about the Monkey's Paw or something. Daz was silent, then he sighed. You know what, mate? You're right. It's my money. I am 48 years old. I can buy what I want! I am off to tell her right now. He hung up. I nodded. Another man saved. I wandered downstairs into the lounge, the Good Lady looked up from some website that was siphoning all of my money out of me via her. Daz phoned. He was telling me about this awesome deal on the Old J rum. Six bottles for £120 and lots of other goodies. It looks awesome. We are both gonna get it... Yum yum get the rum in my tum! I smiled then mimed chugging bottles of Rum from both hands and did a little rum dance. 120 pounds? Are you fucking insane? We can't afford to spend that on Rum. I mean what the fuck?! The Good Lady slammed the laptop lid shut. What about the furniture we were going to buy for the Little Boom's room? What about the repair to that hole in the side of the house, I swear there is something horrible living in there?! She stood up so as to dress me down better. We need to be careful with our money whilst I am out of work and don't mention the bloody Cubs again. Ok? She glowered at me. Her once-proud norks quivering with annoyance. Yeah, yeah, cool. I will just get one bottle then. You know that Daz, he is practically a fucking alcoholic. Six bottles. Pffrrrrrt. I made that apologetic face that you make when apologising for a drunk friend who has slept with another friend's wife when he actually thought he was wiping his arse after a mad shit. Yeah, one will do. Six bottles. Bloody Daz, he needs help.
The big deep horn that ship's have, not the captain's penis you cheeky fuckers.
to be honest, it's a tempting thing. they are so fucking fluffy looking.
Us ladies are hired to do this, you know that right? Its our cool to keep yall calm so we can have our sneaky non smelling wodka soda on the side.
Rum...tsssk..i.hope for you it is a Spice one and you get a pirate eye from it hehe
It is a spiced one, I am fond of them. Helps me keep my inner pirate alive! Aaaaar! :0D
The whole rum and coke thing never really got to me but a Spiced one on the rocks, from big seat..makes me feels like a business director instantly.
Hawwwwrrrr
Yeah, I do prefer that myself. Never been a huge fan of putting sweet fizzy things in my spirits!!
I wish I was manly enough to drink rum, whisky, scotch or cognac. Deals on gin?
Some of the rums I drink could probably be considered unmanly :0D
The infamous "peach cobbler and cream rum"
And isn't it just a delight! Lolz
A self conscious jeans adjust, of course!
First time I saw a cookie was when we landed in UK. Everyone once in awhile someone links a .co.uk link and there it is again!
'Ok.. ok.. I wish I could go there without accepting cookies.'
In the US, they don't ask - it is automatically accepted, isn't it?
When we visit US sites, we have to approve things because of the EU laws on digital tracking.
I edited this to ask if there's any specific types of US sites that do that to you?
That's what I assume dude, here they just track you without that kind British nature of politely asking first.
It's always nice to be asked. Unless it's being asked if you would like a punch in the nose. Not so nice that one
Laugh (w/out the acronym). Yeah, 10-4! Neither is, "9 months ago... me and you.... shuffleboard...?"
Dammit, we are entering a minefield!!!
It's always nice to be asked. Unless it's being asked if you would like a punch in the nose. Not so nice that one
Oh the cookies thing!! I forgot, you won't get that will you? It can be quite bloody annoying. The EU has a coup on it's shoulder about big US nationals stealing all the datas!!
Until I experienced those things, I had no idea. Silly me! I thought I could order my shirts from that department store from anywhere. Guess not.
Wtf is that?? Don't infiltrate Europe with a blank, white, US department store t-shirt? Really, they're blank, no print. Can you click this?
I clicked it and now I feel awful.
It said
I have been shamed and made to feel inadequate. Outrageous!
!WINE
Congratulations, @meesterboom You Successfully Shared 0.300 WINE With @dandays.
You Earned 0.300 WINE As Curation Reward.
You Utilized 3/3 Successful Calls.
Total Purchase : 24816.918 WINE & Last Price : 0.290 HIVE
HURRY UP & GET YOUR SPOT IN WINE INITIAL TOKEN OFFERING -ITO-
WINE Current Market Price : 0.270 HIVE
!SHITTHEBED
Lemme know if that doesn't work
Hey!? I just SHAT THE BED!!!
Thank you!!
When you went downstairs into the lounge to talk to your good lady, I already knew how it ends. I have been there many, many times. There is many like us out there. It always ends up the same way. Im also certain you pulled your pants back up on your way in to the lounge.
I just wonder, how it all would end up if you stood up to your good lady with you pants below your hip.
If that were ever to happen then the world world end as the multiverses collided. I have decided that the burden of such destruction is not something I could bear. Hence why I back down ;0)
Well your heart was in the right place, Boom. Anyways I always say it is more manly to let the little women feel their input is really more important than it is. Makes them feel good and all that. lol 😉
It is, it's a subtle game we play but to play it well sometimes you have to look like you are losing 😃😃
What a poser, old man! @old-guy-photos I'm telling your wife. ;)
Spending $120 on liquor? Unbelievable, intolerable, frankly abhorrent and wrong. I would never do such a thing. Only $60 bottles of glenfiddich 12 for me.
Ah, I have succumbed to the likes of that myself. I do like a fine malt!!! :0)
Just wait until she asks you to pick up a nice bottle of wine.
When she does .....
Politely accept. Then go get the wine.
Never play games when it comes to alcohol. It always ends badly.
I rarely do. It is a serious sport and demands full and serious concentration!
Hahahahaba, throwing the blame on the poor guy lol.
I must say that your hair looks ravishing in the picture, really caught my attention lol
Dreds!! I quite liked them too!!
I like that particular style of hair, looks cool. A nightmare to have in real life probably.
Oh! Do the deed and then beg forgiveness after. Bloody Daz is gonna get six of them.
That's often my strategy!!! ;0)
Perfect, then wine and dine the Good Lady while serving her sone of the booty!
She shall have all of the booty. I might even do a sexy dance :OD
Oh my, the very thought!!
Great bit. Keep writing. Keep growing. Keep being awesome!
Yes indeed, I shall stay the course! :0)
Hahaha my how the tables turn . At the end of the day you know who really wears the pants. Did you land up going halfies with Daz?
Lol. I didn't. I have decided to work on the Good Lady. She just doesn't like surprises. Give it two days and she will be mine! As well the six bottles!!!
So you basically going to nag, I mean bring it up as much as possible. Till she says buy the fucking 6 bottles. But condition is you go see what crawled up the wall. Before You know itfind yourself trying to catch a deadly creature and questioning your life choices.thoughts like, "why didn't u choose stp collecting as a hobby instead?" run through your mind.
Nagging works! Although I prefer the term subtle manipulation till she cracks
I am not going near that hole in the wall. There is something massive in there!
Lol whatever works hey. The joys of being married. I also think my husband bags way more than me. He would beg to differ. But I do agree though. Buy what you want. You work hard! We all do!
Shoulda gone halfers? ;D
It might have been wisest!! But 6 bottles!!!