Wet Spaghetti

in #life6 months ago

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Finally, it was over.

The pushup challenge that I started in November was complete. I am now a shell of a man albeit one with very strong arms. 100 pushups a day for a whole month has been an insane task that at various points I had almost given up on.

But BOOM! I didn't give up. Not for a fucking minute. Even on the grimmest most painful hungover days where each pushup felt like breaking the hymen of a leathery whale I had driven myself on.

What was the secret sauce?! What gave you the strength to carry on, was it the fact you were raising money for Charity?

Well, young padawan. I would like to say that it was the thought of collecting money for charity that helped me through the darkest moments but no, it was simpler than that.

When things got really tough I just thought how amazing I was and then I went out on the hills to find a Wild Haggis to kill with my new musclebound hands.

That's right sistaz, everything above the waist is now sheathed in thick ropes of muscle. I have become an Arnie of a killing machine. Opening tins like Popeye and lifting cars off damsels in distress. There has been no limit to my new strongman high jinks.

But back to the Haggis hunting. They didn't always come quietly, oh no but that is the joy of fighting a Haggis. The other joyous part of course is the eating.

As they said in ancient Sparta, Only a Scotsman is man enough to eat a Haggis and it's true. I challenge anyone who is not Scottish to try and eat one. They just don’t have the mouthage.

But I digress! I was fairly absent on Hive this month because to be frank, in between doing a gabillion pushups a day and hunting the wild Haggis out on the lonely cold mist-bound hills AND having arms like wet spaghetti killed my creativity.

Or maybe it was the Haggis juice, I dunno.

Killed it stone dead.

All I wanted to do was eat pasta and chocolate. (separately that is) and sit on the couch playing X-Box and weeping at the thought of getting down on the floor and giving myself twenty more. As they say.

But I am back. With the shoulders of a Silverback and the nipples of a timid Deer, I am free of the pushups and can begin to reintegrate with society again.

No more shouting in the supermarket that THERE IS NO FUCKING UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA??! - The Roid Rage of Pushup month is truly past.

Oddly though, I am slightly missing the pushups.

Maybe I can't stop? Sweet Jeebus. Am I addicted to fitness now? Do I have to trade in the good lady for a Sabaton? Is it a Sabaton, Sabadon, Pelaton, Pteranodon? You know, one of those bloody running machines that people with low self-esteem use instead of masturbating in a cupboard like normal folk.

I feel I have entered uncharted waters.

I hope I can find my way back to shore.

Sort:  

It's time for the sit-up challenge. 100 a day.

But then you won't have anywhere to rest your beer while sitting on the couch.

OK, that idea is no longer on the table. Wait ... a table. You could put your beer on a table instead of the belly.

It's time to think.

Oh my lord, can you imagine doing 100 shit ups a day!? I think that would be a nightmare!! Maybe twenty 😀😀

But aye, done thinking night have to get involved on that one!!

Seems to me you might wear those arms out...much like parts on a high milage auto! Best not take the chance!

You are right thats why they are officially on rest duty!

I think you're going to be alright. I do pushups on a regular basis, although never 100 in a day. I think it's pretty normal to scream in supermarkets for what it's worth. Hey, would you mind dragging your totally shredded upper body across the pond to Washington DC? We really need a strong man to walk through the doors of Congress and punch every single politician in the face till they're all unconscious.

I have been complimented on my punching of randoms before so that would be a pleasure!

I do them too, I think that's why I thought it would be a breeze. I feel pretty stocking good for not having done any the last couple of days though! Back to it tomorrow!

that would be a pleasure

Cool. You can start with Ted Cruz.

Sounds like a nonce. On my way!

When things got really tough I just thought how amazing I was and then I went out on the hills to find a Wild Haggis to kill with my new musclebound hands.

🤣

All I wanted to do was eat pasta and chocolate. (separately that is) and sit on the couch playing X-Box and weeping at the thought of getting down on the floor and giving myself twenty more. As they say.

Oh thank fuckness the pasta and chocolate were separate man! Good on ya doing the 100 pushups a day for a whole month. Massive effort 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I was quite pleased with myself and even more pleased when it was done! :OD

🤣🤣 you almost murdered me laughs. Gosh, this is a new month. Haha. I am glad your push-up gave you those superpowers.

Well, young padawan...

I like this... haha.

I just thought how amazing I was...

This added more juices to it.

Opening tins like Popeye and lifting cars off damsels in distress....

And, I am thinking of having Marvel sign you 😅😅😅.

I feel like something from the multiverse!!! 🤣🤣

Hehe... maybe you are. Let's try with kryptonite.

Vegan cheese, that's my Kryptonite!!! 😀

Haha... wonderful😆😆

Ahaahaa..thank the heavens above for normal folk! I had forgotten you were deep in the throes of pushup mania, just knew I hadn't seen you in awhile. I imagine with those ropey arms of yours you can type out a shitload of words in short order. Just be careful in the cupboard, you wouldn't wanna jerk something clean off 😂

I have to be careful around keyboards, it's like HULK SMASH... 😀😀

I have been super careful in the cupboards. Hehe!!

lol Well congrats on finishing such a tough challenge! Ya did good!

Cheers lass, I must say I have never been more glad!

Hahaha... thank goodness you're back. You've arrived a bit confused, weird .... I don't know, so much muscle certainly affects.

Maybe it was the Haggis juice, I don't know.
🤣

Do I have to trade the good lady for a Sabaton?
😱

Keep doing pushups, man!

I am sure my confusion will pass, its the muscles fault. They are sucking all the good food out of my blood that should be going to my brain :O)

It's just that those three self-portraits... hahaha. I have been like this 😳 --- 😅🤣

Hehe, I thought I would put a bit of effort in as I have been absent. I might print that one out! :OD

Great! 😁🙌

Popeye, well OK good enough excuse, haggis run to the hills catch the wild one, good lady will cook it I'm sure.

With the shoulders of a Silverback and the nipples of a timid Deer,

Bit confused thought you now strapping up to become Sparta?

Congrats on finishing the race for charity, all good!

@tipu curate

I am so so so glad it is done. It was brutal. I mean toward the end it got easier but it still did me in!

Did lose a few pounds though, all that haggis chasing :OD

One forgets quickly we have some muscle hidden somewhere, taking on a worthy cause, you did, that is awesome, little discomfort goes a long way!

Totally! I don't even mind the aches from it all!

Forgotten within a week, some gaming and back to normal ritual....

On the mince pies as we speak 🤣🤣

Way to go....

Perhaps the spreading of your hands and fingers in this unnatural a way has made it sheer impossible to return to the keyboard. I am proud of you though.

I was worried too that I would have to get a keyboard with giant keys for my sprawling flat hands 🤣🤣

and I guess you can only do voice messages on your phone now ;<)

Voice to text!! It's the future! 😀😀

In all honesty, it already feels like the past but I kind of like the past, retro stuff ;<)

Retro will never grow old, unlike us lovers of it 😀

No we don't, we grow retro! ( we age in a cool way ) 😎

I can imagine that the good lady is happy, a husband full of superpowers raises the female ego more than a pair of heels in the latest fashion.😁 Well, congratulations !!! You did it and we have you back. Now, behave like a normal person!!!😁😁😁

Nothing beats a pair of heels!! Hehe. She is proud, I think I am a bit too!!!

I'm sure you have the strength to swim to shore with a wake like a powerboat behind you once you discover the right direction.

Listen to Sabaton by all means, but don't buy a fucking Pelaton unless you can get one of those overpriced gimmicky pieces of shit second-hand for next to nothing.

I believe the market is saturated with second hand ones going cheap ever since lockdown ended same people stopped pretending to pelaton their way to victory indoors!! 😀😀

You did it! Congratulations my friend. There's no going back now. : )

Indeed man, I had better get used to living like like The Rock 🤣🤣

Has it been THAT long?? Seems like just last week you announced you had lost your mind and agreed to do such a thing.

😂

Maybe you could still do some a day to maintain, but no 100.

Try not to kill anybody accidently by giving anaconda hugs.

I couldn't really believe it myself when the Good Lady said this is your last week isn't it? I was like what the bloody fuck!?! It is! Then it was over.

I do intend to keep it up, two or three times a week, that ready I get done bloody rest days!!

It was nice to get an update on the push up challenge, and to find out that you completed it. Now that you're all jacked up, you wouldn't want to let all that hard work go to waste. I would suggest still doing pushups even if not a 100 everyday. Having your humor back is a always welcome though.

I am definitely going to stick at it but just reduce the frequency. I am taking a well deserved break for a few days though! Cheers mate!

Now do 100 per day on one arm! We know you can do it.

Good luck with the haggis hunting. I hear they are canny beasts.

Hahaha, there is one thing I have never been able to do and that is the one armed pushup. I think it will forever elude me! :OD

When one proposes something and manages to achieve it is without a doubt, a unique experience.

I congratulate you my dear friend for doing every push-up to the end and making the effort in the service of a cause (collecting funds) to serve your fellow man to the end, and always be willing. To me, it's the way to achieve what you set your mind to, and that's how it was, you gave your best and reached the final of the challenge.

Continue being a fitness man for your life and health, it is my wish.

I miss you these absent days. Receive my warm greetings and respect as always.

I shall do my best to stay on top of the fitness game, I am looking forward to getting back to the gym. I haven't been able to do anything these days! :O)

Everything has its moment even to resume activity at the gym.

On the other hand, I hope his remuneration has been solved in your new position?

Ha, has it heck and more the company is genuinely in financial trouble. I might actually not get it this time!!

Closing the gap between knowledge and action is not at all easy, look at other alternatives "just in case" you have to leave or make changes for your better well-being and that of your family.

I've been through similar experiences before. Keep going and always up.

100 push-ups for a whole month...woooo! That's much and you kept pushing, at least, it was worth it because it gave you some superpowers😅 Well-done

But I am back

It's good to have you back...

It was tough but one of those things you feel you can look back on happily!

If I started doing some daily press-ups, maybe I could climb these locked gates faster. It's not that I can't do it, but speed is of the essence when your have Karen's watching!

Oh yes indeed, you need that shower too dodge the curtain twitchers!!!

I’m glad to have you back😂😂 your write up always makes me smile or laugh.
Hope the pushups weren’t strenous compared to eating spaghetti 😂😂

Cheers. Eating spaghetti was far easier!! Lol 😀

😂😂😂

This is crazily funny, lol
Anyway, I hope your push ups went well and I hope you get more active on here this month

I aim to get very active! Cheers!

Wow, well done. 100 a day for a month is impressive. I was wondering if you would continue on. They say that if you do something for 21 days it is enough to break a bad habit or start a new one.

Verdict is still out I suppose.

I would try haggis. I like trying traditional dishes. Even weird ones

Well at least ya got the arms to swim a gazillion miles if you can't find the shore. 🦾

Wondered were you'd disappeared to. And then I disappeared. And so we went and came and went and you did push-ups and got ripped in between and I got sugar cravings and a liddle chubby but it's cute and I'll keep it if I'm lucky.

Come on then. Show us yer muscles :D

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You and charity, hehehe, give me a break... 😀

Lol, looks like Needy-V hasnt left after all. 🤣🤣🤣

Not yet, I am still around a bit and I am not needy at all. I am just a couple of weeks from leaving, no problem. I apologise if that did not cheer you up, but it certainly will soon in the near future (and me even more). All the best! 😊

The Needy-V needs not apologise!

Keep being you and all the best! 😀

It seems you cannot (or do not want to) understand what I wrote above in English. I will mention again the fact that I am not needy at all, regardless of what you choose to understand. As for being myself, that's something I really need to thank you for as I take that as a compliment. All the best once again! 🙂

P.S.: By the way, you (hopefully) forgot an apostrophe in your first response (it's 'hasn't' not 'hasnt', at least in the English I know), but that doesn't matter that much...

Hey fucktard, yeah you @cockthor, here you are correcting @meesterboom for his use of the English language and yet you use the abbreviation for postscript incorrectly by putting a colon after it. (You dumb fucken cunt.)

You wanker. Wannnnkkerrrrr! (There's some fucken English for you, you fucken cock-knocker.)

You think you're so clever, but you're really a fucken numpty with no fucken clue, and I'm pretty sure you know it too.

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Don't bother replying Needy-V, but feel free to do so, I'd love to give you another downvote.

This made me laugh so hard. Bless his little needy socks he does try ever so hard.

Just can't get it right though! :OD

You should take your pills, you know... Hope a kangaroo beats the shit out of you as you deserve. You are the antonym of how an Australian should be. And I do not think that I am clever. However, I am very glad I am so different compared to you. And you should know that PS actually stands for post scriptum which stems from Latin. Still, I'd expect some more intelligent swear words coming from you... And some better nicknames. But perhaps a kangaroo will nickname you good one day, as you deserve. Without your weapons, you're just a coward if you were to face one. There were no special facial expressions when reading such a below mediocre hysterical text, just a pity, which you wouldn't deserve anyway...

Lol. See, you can't give up. That's the needy in you.

All the best on your journey, Needy-V!!