For well-over a decade, I was DEEP into the world of self-help & personal development. By "deep," I kinda mean obsessed/addicted.
I sorta flocked to the multi-billion-dollar motivational industry as though it were a religion - seeking answers, meaning, redemption, and a way forward out of a whole realm of inner conflicts. I was also driven by an over-ambitious, insatiable hunger for worldly success, power, and influence - which countless in the self-improvement movement seemed to promise, if following their ways.
I ate that shit up like fat kid on munchies attacking cake. Non-stop.
The journey itself was a kind of high - each hit of the newest, hottest guru fuelling the spark in my eyes focused on grandiose fantasies of true "empowerment," every book or audio program inflating my hopes that on the other side of it, I'd finally be one huge step closer to being "improved."
I did thoroughly enjoy the learning & growth. And there were a lot of incredible insights gained along the path, many great teachers making a positive impact on my worldview. However, the further I went in the journey, the more it seemed I'd slipped into a trap - and none of it was working to create the results desired.
Granted, much of the diversion was my own fault. In some ways, I was a very quick learner - absorbing lessons with an unbounded enthusiasm. In other ways, I was incredibly slow - failing to put what I was learning into action and transmute the knowledge into wisdom.
However, looking back - it was all perfect. The failures, I couldn't have learned without. The reliance upon self, I couldn't truly have come to know without experience the opposite of seeking direction from external authority.
And in the end, there's been the added benefit of having uncovered several failures of the self-improvement movement that work counter to its aims. There's been lessons I never found in any book, which there is now the opportunity to pass on for others - so they may avoid some of the same traps of the self-help world I fell into, and speed up their learning curve.
While there's a lot of great stuff from a lot of great people in the personal development field, there's a lot of bullshit sprinkled in. Not intentionally. And a lot of it isn't even outright stated, so much as subtle assumptions, paradigms, and perceptions coded into the cultural mindset which don't hold accountable to Truth and integrity in our shifting world & expanded consciousness.
Much of the content was well-intended, though created at a different phase of consciousness evolution where people really didn't know and better and found something that kinda worked at the time. Seizing opportunity to jump on the bandwagon, many cliche motivational themes, success philosophies, and "expert guidance" we're put out under the marketing guises of broadly-applicable solutions without the wisdom to decipher the depth of customization required for their grand promises to be consistently fulfilled upon.
What follows are a few fatal flaws with the whole shebang, uncovered. (Okay, "fatal" may be a bit dramatic - or perhaps, in ways, not, given that these sticking points essentially do kill the progression of a person's potential's full development if not overcome.)
Retake... these are some alternative perspectives on the whole thing.
Take what you will that may be of value. Discard the rest.
And here we go...
The implication the self needs "improvement"
This is a tricky one. NO ONE outright says it. If anything, they say the opposite: "you're GREAT. You have unlimited potential. Etc, etc."
Yet, there's a trap hidden in the underlying premise of "self-help" or "self-improvement" that a person needs help/improvement - which goes deeper to suggest they're inadequate as they already are.
Partially, this is a linguistic effect.
Sometimes, it's partly a marketing tactic utilizing subtly-manipulative psychology to capitalize on people's insecurities, sense of inadequacy, and desires for being "better."
Either way, there can be a futility in the inherent judgement of what is - both judgement of the self & others. Sometimes, wise discernment to honestly assess one's strengths and weaknesses is necessary and there are indeed certain aspects of either character, persona, intelligences, or skill sets that could rightfully do well to be improved - within the boundaries of specific contexts and intentions. However, there's a flip side to the pursuit of self-improvement that can become a form of narcissism, when emotion overrides the wisdom, eroding the discernment to become condemnation and corrodes self-acceptance.
T'is a subtle, tricky dynamic. But one that can have a lot of people lusting after idealized fantasies of becoming a person they think will be more attractive, intelligent, successful - while failing to truly embrace, love, and celebrate who they are NOW.
Such continual striving for ceaseless "improvement" can become its own addiction. And commitment to such progress can bring results. Though, it may not often be a conducive approach to fostering a thorough sense of happiness and contentment.
Constant striving towards a future self & aspirations rather than living in the moment
Another hidden implication buried within the linguistics of either self-help, self-improvement, or personal development: the inherent context established of a measurement standard weighing in one's current situation against an idealized one somewhere off in the future.
Or essentially, an outlook that has some variation within its coding that goes like, "I'm not good enough right now - but if I work hard enough, I will be some day."
Sneaky, isn't it. Such is the power of language.
Granted, this may not be the perspective everyone comes to - or teaches - self-help from.
There is also the possibility that we might be at acceptance with ourselves and present weaknesses, fully okay with them - while still wishing to improve upon certain aspects of ourselves, so as to open future possibilities not presently accessible with our current levels of skills or abilities. After all, life is about growth (debatable, as the "about" or meaning is really something to be written for each one's own, though stated as an ideal here). Hence, it might indeed be a worthy ideal to strive towards being a better version of ourselves a year from now...
Delegation of responsibility to others for guidance
Another counter-intuitive paradox within the movement... personal development is supposed to be all about empowering oneself, taking responsibility for the outcomes in your life, etc. Yet, it's an industry that feeds off the desire to have some "guru" give you answers in an easily-digestable book or weekend seminar. See the inconsistency?
And sure, there is the whole "the truth/answers you seek within" type mantras that are common. And for this, people pay good money to hear/read.
Whether it's Tony Robbins on a stage jumping up and down as though he's a half-giant-human half-God, Brian Tracy with his slick smile and suit, or the quiet Eckhart Tolle people flock to hoping his words will gift them some magical insight into the 'power of now' - for as much the whole premise of self-help is supposed to be a person helping themself, something got a little twisted along the way.
Having emerged out the other side of the personal development realm, I look back on it with different eyes. And while I can appreciate all the good intentions of the "leaders" in the space and all the good they've done to support the growth of thousands of their "followers," it's apparent than much of it is fabricated.
The marketing funnels... the book covers... the flawless copywriting appealing to all the psychological triggers... it works. To the end of a manipulated responsibility of "the prospect/customer/client" responding predictably to buy the products/service that contains the answers they're seeking from someone in a higher position of authority than themselves.
And to balance out the scales on this debate...
Perhaps there are times where such outer-guidance is needed.
While there might be truth - at times - to the view that we have the answers inside of us and are ultimately responsible for our own lives - maybe we need to be humble enough to recognize that we don't know everything, have our blind spots, and can use some pointers from knowledgeable guides who are a bit further ahead of us on the path.
As such, it's a tricky position, knowing when to trust the advice given by another and heeding it, versus fully owning our responsibility and telling everyone to fuck off cuz they don't know where we're at the way we do - while also aware that we could also be deluding ourselves at times and need even just some fragment of a little insight to open our eyes to entirely new dimensions we can't see from our own vantage point.
"Beliefs"
Storylines. Unclear perception. Disconnection from reality.
You know... you're supposed to replace the "limiting" beliefs with the "empowering" ones, right...?
Sounds good in theory. Yet there's one problem: a belief is not reality.
A crippled midget could spend all day working on changing his beliefs to believe he can be the next NBA superstar, labelling it as empowering. But let's be real - yes, this is a bit of an exaggerated example - though, that's not belief - it's delusion.
Likewise, the personal development world loves to push affirmations and belief-reprogramming exercises as though changing one's stream of mental thought alone is enough to manipulate reality. But it's not.
In essence, a belief is a storyline.
If you've got your eyes open and can see what is directly in front of you, there is no need for any belief about what is in front of you. Belief becomes irrelevant. If you know that 2+2=4, believing 2+2=4 doesn't empower you - it makes you a fucking dummy for attempting to operate from a mental construct of the world rather than engaging directly with it and trusting in your own basic knowledge.
Worded differently, belief is a mechanism for attempting to fill in the gaps in one's knowledge. If you have direct knowledge, belief is rendered useless.
So while self-help gurus might have the best of intentions by teaching people to "change their beliefs" - all they're really doing is encouraging the swap of one illusion/storyline for another - not serving to activate a person's abilities and capabilities to step into a direct knowing of what empowering state they're attempting to manipulate themselves into through belief.
This isn't to say that the methodology of changing beliefs from "limiting" to "empowering" doesn't have value... sometimes, it might serve as a very important stepping stone. Even if an empowering belief is a storyline based on imagination that reality, it might enable a person to take some actions whose outcomes could in time generate a foundation of experience from which to come into a direct knowing of the evidence supporting a healthy sense of confidence and competence.
However, until one ceases to operate from beliefs - easier said than done - they will continue to be interacting more with their own construct of reality than reality itself, disconnected from truth there is to know through direct experience, which only gets obstructed through the filtering lens of beliefs.
The falsehood of "one-size fits all" advice, methodologies
Success strategies are much more complex than those trying to sell them make them out to be. Why? Different people need different advice at different stages/levels.
It's much easier to appeal to the lowest common denominator with promises of a quick solution or magic pill than to address the realities of complexity behind the dynamics of an individual's - and the societies' & cultures' they function in relationship with - psychological makeup and drives.
Roger Hamilton's "Wealth Spectrum" goes into this concept excellently, in the context of business & entrepreneurship: there are both different phases of development people go through and different personal profiles. One person's winning strategy may be another's losing strategy, if they're not on the same level of the game or share the same profile.
Much "personal development" or "advice" fails most people, due to this lack of distinction.
There are complicated factors at play in shaping the dynamics of each person's situation - yet much advice in the self-help, motivational, and business coaching fields is given without consideration of why a successful person's strategy will not work for most others - instead usually sold with an, "if one person can do it, anybody can do it" gusto inconsistent with reality. Not intentionally-misleading - just over-optimistic and naive of vital subtleties & distinctions that make all the difference.
Besides Roger, there's not too many people teaching this fundamental prerequisite wisdom. (While beyond the scope of this piece, Roger's "Wealth Dynamics" is one to seriously check out for any entrepreneurial-types into personal development - an entirely other level, grounded in universal law and the eastern philosophies encapsulated in bodies of wisdom such as the I Ching and elemental alchemy.)
However, unless advice sought/given is custom-tailored to a person's specific conditions, what is sold as a winning strategy is likely to keep the person chasing their tail, falling flat on their face as they do what the gurus say.
Simplifying the complexities of creating success into an easily-accessible book with a catchy, marketable title may do well to fund the authors' bank accounts and feed troubled people's hopes of being provided easy, feel-good solutions by someone in-the-know. But there's a solid limit to how much improvement can truly be made until the illusion of a "one-size-fits-all" methodology gets shattered - an illusion that's been persistently promoted by many in the self-help and motivational worlds.
A focus on self rather than serving others
The sights are set there right upfront in the titles: SELF-help, SELF-improvement, SELF-development. Not a bad linguistic structure to set for the perpetuation of selfishness.
Yet, this is an insight that took some hard time to really grasp: often, our greatest problems may be either the direct or indirect consequence of simply not extending our focus beyond ourselves and SERVING OTHERS.
It's all too easy to get wrapped up in downward cycles of self-doubt and thinking we need improvement when the focus is on improving what are perceived to be faults. (The whole Law Of Attraction, "what you focus on expands" thing fits quite accurately here). Meanwhile, it's not all that difficult for such self-concerns to vanish from our awareness entirely while fully engaged in creating and delivering value for others.
Go figure.
T'is a big, big world with a lot of challenges to be solved, many people with needs & wants to be fulfilled, much opportunity to contribute to society's advancement and be a part of growing extraordinary community legacies. And it's difficult to be a part of that when self-absorbed in self-help.
Granted, there is a time and place for self-focus. Undoubtedly.
"Put the oxygen mask on yourself, first."
It's difficult to give, when we don't have much to give. It's difficult to take care of another, if we aren't first taking care of ourselves. Sometimes selfishness is in order. Sometimes we have to put ourselves first.
Yet, if all the self-help stuff is really coming from a place of pure intentions - there has to be a graduation date.
Eventually, one needs to move beyond their own shit and step up to dedicate themselves to something bigger than the self-perpetuation of a neurosis focused on self-improvement - if truly committed to the growth most in the space give lip service to.
Sometimes, healing is necessary. At some stages of the game, time outs are called for to step back, reflect, and develop valuable skills - skills to be put to use for others' benefit.
Again, this isn't to say self-help isn't of tremendous value - at times. Rather, that it's useless unless properly balanced to ensure that work done on oneself is channelled out effectively into the world - for it's rising in the game to where the help is focused towards others that the biggest breakthroughs are made.
Well, now that that's all said and done... take it with a grain of salt.
Some parts of it might have come across a little harsh. And I hope there was enough counter-perspective included to balance out the criticisms and emphasize - there are no absolutes - only extremes, and a full spectrum in between from which to explore one's own truths.
While sections of the above might have sounded like I was slamming the personal development industry - well, maybe I was. Because I've been through alot of it and can see some shortcomings. But, it's not to be forgotten that I owe alot to it, as it's shaped who I've become - ultimately, for the better.
It may have not been a direct route. And alot of the lessons may not have been had through the direct absorption of words, in the ways I thought they would or the teachers had in mind. But in the end, I can confidently say I like who I've grown into through it all - and while that really comes down to the responsibility I took for myself, everything I learned from others along the way did contribute.
And from here... well, I hope to pay forward some of the lessons accumulated through that journey.
But, I can't say how it is. I don't have answers. I'm in no better position to give advice than anyone else. Though, I can share principles, insights, and bits of stories - in hopes that in the reflections provided to readers, some of them might find something of value needed along their path, just as I needed certain nuggets along mine.
And so, perhaps, this is life - a collaborative journey of ups and downs, fuckups and victories, receiving and giving, sharing our learnings to benefit others in our tribes as we collective try to figure out what the fuck we're doing here and create some awesome magic along the way.
Blessings, y'all...
Most people think self improvement comes from working for a cause made by someone else, but actually self improvement is based on devoting work to what benefits you in a way more than physical, creating something by yourself for yourself.
Amen
I have been on a journey of self discovery for a couple years now. Something happened one day and I realized that I don't enjoy the cubicle life... Hell, I don't enjoy being employed by someone who inherently believes he has some superiority over me based on his position and pay rate received from their employment. I don't like someone treating me like I am less than them just because "they are my boss." That's what lead me to self employment. There is literally endless opportunity on the internet. There is literally a market for EVERYTHING! And that means that you can literally make an income and job out of anything that you are passionate about. It doesnt matter if it is cats, dogs, snakes, trees, gardening, weight loss, smoothies, recipes, vegan, woodworking, smithing, weight lifting, hunting fishing, camping, survival.... IT LITERALLY DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT, YOU CAN BE YOUR OWN BOSS!
You can make blogs, make social media accounts, build webpages, make youtube videos, make pinterest pins, and the list goes on and on! There are so many things you can do to put products in front of people using the internet. Most people don't even realize it, but every time you share nearly anything on mainstream social media you are sharing it and making the creator money off ads and affiliate products.
I only go in so hard about self employment because it wasn't until I was self employed that my vision truly changed. I see the world differently now, but before I got here I was blind to all this. It's very empowering and I wish that it happens for anyone with the determination and drive to make it happen. After all, there is no difference between you and the people that own these businesses. Maybe some formal education, but as an autodidact myself I believe you don't need all that to get where your going. Best of luck to everyone.
😊💗
I hope my vote, can be the vote to get you out of your cubicle!
I appreciate that, I didnt mention that as of April 1st, I have been self employed through the internet for 2 years. Now, my cubicle is my house, but I like it this way. I get to be here for all the important things with my family. No one is ever telling me when I have to be where and what I have to do. I get to be my own boss. Of course, if I don't work, then I don't get paid. But I greatly appreciate your wishes and intentions! <3
I once read a personal development/self improvement book that contained the sentence, "From the cradle to the cubicle..." It was the most depressing thing I've ever read.
You actually "get it". I teach, you help yourself by helping others. If we concentrate on quality of life rather than quantity of monetary rewards, we get to enjoy both. I really enjoyed your post.
Your post was spot on. The issues you spotted is what brought me into this space. I have enjoyed a terrifc life because wisdom was shared with me. The most popular people in this space are monetizing knowledge. They have structuted the information in a way that keeps one engaged and returning for more. This is great from a business perspective but disillusioning once discovered. There is great value out there. Some people (like you) can take what theyve learned and can now help themselves by helping others. Stop by my blog. I think you may find some interesting thoughts. Take care.
Always a trip seeing comments come in on such old posts, and glad to see they’re still serving value! ☺️🙏💓
Yes, your posts are valuable. Thank you for sharing.
Take it easy Darling!
Life enfolds infront of your eyes!
I'm still reading BTW 🤗
Awesome quote 💖
A book I read when I was 14 :)
Great article.
Great, controversial article! I bit to long in my opinion. You might consider splitting it up next time. Anyway... You earned yourself a new follower :)
Good articles from rok, you won't be disappointed.
Not a bad suggestion... :-)
Great analysis, I was there with you seeking answers from without, I turned inward and started sorting thru my own baggage that I figured out no one else could tell me how to fix anything..
Hello my friend
Thanks for this post and the wonderful post
I really liked what I wrote in this post
The selection of the post is so lovely
Happy day to you and always
Thanx, and to you too....
You nailed some good points in this! I can't imagine that Satoshi Nakamoto would have accomplished bitcoin by sitting around and reading self-help books all day, sometimes you just gotta go for the dream.
True dat! ✊
Outstanding post! The two points that resonated with me the most are how important it is to try to stay in the present moment and have a focus on serving others not just yourself. Life is a journey that should be enjoyed moment by moment as we experience loving one another.
Hello @rok-sivante, I recently started philosophers challenge on my page.
People give me topics to write about.
I would love it if you could leave a topic for me as you have a unique way of perceiving the world.
Hope i'm not asking too much <3
Cheers!
And done. :-)
This so damn right you understand how much this issue what comes first the egg or the chicken is always on my neck I do a lot of motivational blog post on other social media and it has been tickling on my head such a neutral topic it has its cons and pros but I do agree we give from our perspective and hope to teach others as well.
I just think we all have different levels of understanding according to our own perspective.
True dat.