I just know there is a story to your, "disastrous co-sleeping nonsense" that said...
anyway, where we lived, we were in a constant battle with either seagulls or pigeons, the flying little bastards would shit on anything that wasn't moving too fast!
Hehe, there is indeed a story behind it all!
We have both too which is a pest, the size of the seagulls shits are horrifying!