Lately, I've been feeling a bit odd.
I am struggling to relieve myself from something that I could only describe as a mimicked hangover that severely clouds my lucidity. My mind seems to bounce without hesitation to perhaps thousand of conclusions every day until it plummets into the ground and somehow finds its way and bounces up again.
I consider myself, among many other things, an empath. And I alone limit myself into believing this until it becomes both a feeling of liberation and oppression. There were times when I was gullible enough to imagine that in order for me to be valid, I had to self-inflict the word empathy on my skin. In this very moment, empathy just keeps me one step away from failing to recognize fundamental emotions from the unfiltered ones. The feeling of losing ones identity is at times almost palpable.
Nowadays, the energy that I allow to orbit around me is tainted. And though I already know it has a concise trajectory, for I have been down that rabbit hole many times, for reasons yet unknown to me I don't steer away and I let it be deliberately harmful. At times, it sticks on me like a humongous hickey that doesn't vanish in time, nor do I make an effort to conceal it very well.
We coexist even though the air around me smells like piss.
my thoughts are parallel to yours szuri, especially loss of identity; i have had the hangover you have described for months; it is a hazeful suffering gloom that only grows; of self-perception
this is my thought process in relation to a label (e.g. empath):
1- i haven't accomplished anything by making them feel better if they will have these reccurent thoughts.
2- there is a correlation between identifying as an empath and self infliction (deliberately so).
3- i'm a sentient parasitic life form that to whom exist is to take away life from something else , wrapped up in memories of qualia to fulfill motivations unbeknownst to me? for what? that isn't virtuous!
4- decorating oneself with stories they think they are/what is to be achieved; only later knowing their barren, spurious meaning.
5- that there is an apparent frankness and honesty that is lost among society behind veiled masks (me included, trying to reduce this à la now à la steemit)
5- despite attempts at sincere self-expression anything i think is limited unconsciously
= weltschmerz, weariness from a cycle of hell = done with life = repeat cycle until severe au revoir
(appreciate your posts szuri, makes me know at least someone has similar experience, although i don't think i can help (1 again oh no))
Words can't express the impact your comments always have on me @outtayourbox. Thank you :) ❤
hopefully for the better? i can be a difficult influence, & not always so negative :)
Always for the better ❤
Hi @outtayourbox
Such philosophical words which made me feel liking to comment on them
These are the black holes I spoke about on my comment to @szuri on this same post. These people will never feel any better because they DON"T WANT TO. So better learn to identify them fast and stay away from them as far as you can.
Not necessary. Once you understand it is a noble identity and accept it. Then you will learn to protect it while still being of service to those you feel empathy towards. Having empathy should never be harmful, except there are many black wholes who take advantage of the empath they meet and cause him/her to inflict harm on themselves.
I don't agree with calling the empath as a parasite. If anything, at least from my experience, negative people are usually feeding on any positive energy I have, whether I want to give it or not. This makes them parasites and makes me a parasite haven. LOL
The rest, I call that co-existing.
In my opinion, if I want to deliver a message to people, I am better off speaking in the language that will most efficiently deliver the message to them. It is not always good delivering a message naked.
I am saying this from my own experience. Sadly, I am a very frank person. Meaning, even if I stay silent and say nothing, I can't hide my feelings from my face and this has put me in lots of problems in my life. Sometimes, delivering my message will cause a negative surge from the person receiving my message. This doesn't help me in my communication or in solving the issue. It only makes it worse.
Hope you will feel more positive as well :D
Would disagree with some things:
One can not know the hardship of others without experience,
better or worse is perspective only.
Feeling 'better' is difficult when the compass for being so is unknown, if pain
is to be decreased; maybe I don't want to get better, if only knew what this would mean
Positive energy vs negative are both defense mechanisms to attempt to protect & help
one in radiating themselves, it is my expression, without I would not live.
Parasite perspective is based upon outside perspective on what objectively humanity does,
resources are consumed from elsewhere, other life is taken by our life
Frankness is good, for this reason I don't hide what I say for fear of provoke; despite this not barren of positivity (:
I wouldn't really say I'm an empath...I just observe very well to know what the person feels at that moment. I might be bold enough to say I'm almost the opposite. Cozied up in my bubble blind to the world and its feelings. :>
Until an old lady bumps your ass again ^^
Does it feel any better when you write about it?
No :)
My dear @szuri,
I hope you are getting out of your hangover and feeling better already by the time I am writing my comment.
I can't say I understand all your feelings. But I know what it means to be a receiver of everyone's feelings and exchanging their negative energy with whatever positive energy I have got. End results, I become negative-full until I detoxify myself.
Whether I like it or not, I can't change that part of me. I only can make it shorter or at least avoid to hang around negative people constantly. The funny part is that, my receiver doesn't do much as to differentiate whether these negative energies are passing by on the street, sitting next to me on the bus or sitting next to me at home.
I haven't thought of it as losing self-identity. IT IS my self-identity. I am only learning to minimize the damage this_ otherwise a beautiful identity_ could inflict on my human existence. Not because this empathic identity is bad, but because the world is full of negative people that could benefit from your positive empathic self. However, you will need to learn to identify a transient negative person from a black hole. The first will get better after taking your energy, the latter will suck the crap out of you and they will never get better because they simply DON'T WANT to get better. It is their identity as well, sadly.
I hope the energy I am sending your way will help you recover your identity and do something to the negative energy surrounding you. I would love to see your smiley face and feel your lovely spirit again here :D
BIG Hugs with lots of loving energy
❤
Phew, you surely made me reread this one. Getting down to the guts, being an empath, you need to trust and let go, so much more power than a best path mind decision.
Wish i could just hold you instead of trying to find words, be the empath you are @szuri
I am always happy to see you here @bubke. I am grateful to have you in my life ❤
You are the best answer to the question "WTF am i doing here?" @szuri :-)