Remember me, she whispers while she runs her hand through my chest only seconds before we say goodbye.
I’ve only known her for a month, but in that month we’ve spent almost every night together and the occasional weekend.
That was no way to have a relationship. I was a workaholic. I didn’t deserve her.
But I really liked her, I loved that she was independent, I loved that she was OK with me working those hours.
What a selfish asshole I was.
When I first met her she kind of reminded me of Michelle Pfeiffer in the movie Dangerous Minds. Brave, beautiful and caring at the same time.
But above all, she was amazing.
But here’s the insane part about the whole thing:
None of us said a word about meeting each other again. No plans about future visits, not even a lousy ‘I hope to see you again’.
Remember me, that’s all we had.
“When can we see each other again?” So simple, yet I didn’t say it. Maybe I was scared.
If you asked me back then I would’ve probably tried to rationalize it and told you that we only knew each other for a month, or that long term relationships don’t hold the test of time, or whatever bullshit rationalization a self-lying asshole like myself could come up.
Deep down, I think that back then neither of us believed we deserved to be happy.
The problem is, that I didn’t want to remember her.
That wasn’t enough, I wanted more, I wanted to really know her. I wanted to spend more time with her, a hell lot more time.
This can’t be the end!
So I called her.
Even now I can still remember her voice, I remember that call. I think we were both so happy. Probably because it was so unexpected.
She bought a ticket the next day.
(Note to self: Next time, just pick up the damn phone!)
During the course of our relationship nothing had changed.
I continued to work too much, way too much, and that a hell lot more time I wanted to spend it with her, I just spent it working as usual.
But she never seemed to complain, as far I can remember.
Well, actually I remember one time after a few glasses of wine when she said:
“You don’t need to open another business. You don’t need this.”
She was right.
What she didn’t know back then is that I was running from something.
What I didn’t know back then is that I was running from myself.
But I didn’t listen to her. I never listened.
I didn’t pay attention to her, and that’s the absolute sin.
I foolishly believed that if I kept doing all these little romantic things, and come up with all these small surprises, then that’s going to make up for my constant absence.
I’ve never been so wrong in my entire life.
A few months later, she left. I think a part of me left with her. She took a leather bracelet that was very special to me. She said that she’s taking it so she can remember me.
And then she left. I never saw her again.
I’ll never forget what we had.
She deserved better than me.
The Ghost is Screwing Around with the Machine
Sometimes the only thing standing between you and what you want is you. So not only I was running from myself, but I was lying to myself.
They say that good liars invent something that seems credible, but that great liars come up with a massive lie to distract from the real lie.
Suppose you found your dream job, or your vocation, something that you truly love…
Then in that case, your co-pilot wouldn’t hesitate a damn second to give you all kinds of fear-based excuses of why you would fail and why you should “postpone”.
I don’t have the money, I don’t have the time, I don’t have a six pack and a perfect tan…
Whatever insecurity you may have, he will exploit it.
But I saw past that bullshit, what I didn’t realize back then is that my co-pilot was equally as smart. After all, it was the evil me.
So instead of providing me with those small fears, he knew I was gonna see past the deception. So what he does is to give me other great things to get hooked by and distract me from what I really want.
You see, during all the time we were together, I had stronger feelings for another girl.
So instead of fighting for her, I kissed my lucky stars that I found a different amazing girl soon after she left.
The problem is, that didn’t help anyone. Because after all, if there is someone you can’t lie to is yourself.
So yes, she deserved better, because my heart wasn’t fully there and I was an asshole that didn’t pay attention.
And then there was the other girl.
The girl I was dating before her, the girl I should’ve gone after, the girl who’s now married and adopted a little girl.
It’s too late now.
I hope she remembers me.
If there is anything to take from this is that you should never settle, you should never give up. Don’t make my mistake.
If she’s worth it, it is probably going to be hard. As comedian Bill Hicks once said:
“When you love them, they don’t love you back. When they love you, you don’t love them back. When you love each other, it doesn’t work out.
So I came to the conclusion, God is fucking with us.”
Except…
It Wasn’t God, It Was Me.
The other part of me anyways.
Whenever you find something you really love, there is a part of you that’s gonna come in the way and try to stop you from achieving it.
When that’s happens, I want you to remember:
Remember what you loved when you were a kid:
More importantly:
Remember what makes you forget to eat and sleep.
Image Sources: 1 –2 – 3 – 4 –5 – 6
Ouch. Life hurts sometimes and you've captured that truth here. When you find the right happiness, I think you will know it. More importantly, you are the kind of person who will be able to appreciate it and know what you have.
Yeah I really hope that I would be able to appreciate it.
Thank you Tom!
This!
Wow this was really touching. Thanks for this.
Thanks man!
Your post is very good!
Thank you!
Very touching post, The-alien!
Thanks for sharing.
Upvoted & Followed.
Thank you! I'm glad you like it.
The only thing I can say after reading that is... indeed. Thanks for the great post, it provided a lot of value for me today
Thank you! All I try to do is to add value, even if it means I should dig deep. So you comment means a lot.
I hear that and it shows :) and I can tell that you love writing what you do... that translates in the work
Thank you! Yeah, this "fuck yes..or no" philosophy has been working out for me so far.
If you love what you do, it shows as you said :)
Powerful post. Thank you for sharing with us. Reminds me how happy I am to be married with three great kids. How lucky I am. How rare this is. How thankful I should be in every moment.
I'm so happy for you! Yeah be happy and thankful with what you have, not many people have that.
All the best to you and your family!
oh man, that was deep. Remember me...If a girl tell us this while touching our chest, we should deff marry her the next month..I mean I would :-)
I enjoyed the read a lot and made me think about my past
Yeah, sometimes it's good to think about the past :)
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Awesome!
Thank you!
This is an incredible piece. Incredibly emotional yet wise. I am not going to make any assumptions here so I will just refer to the "protagonist". Dear Mr. Protagonist, I can totally relate to your story. I too met and lost the love of my life. I lamented about the mistakes I had made that lead to me missing out on eternal happiness... and then I met my wife. And you know what I did? I thanked God that I had made all of those mistakes with that first person. Why? Because I learned from each one of them... and avoided them when it really mattered... with my future wife. I have made a ton of mistakes in my life, but it is like the butterfly effect. Perhaps if I had not made any one of those mistakes, I would not be in the right place (literally or emotionally) to meet and fall in love with my wife. Mr. Protagonist, be patient and when you find the right person, apply what you have learned. Then live happily ever after....
Haha thanks for the incredibly wise advice!
I'm so happy for you man! Like I told you yesterday you're such a cool standup guy, and I'm very happy for you my friend.
You deserve this so much!
So do you... and Mr. Protagonist ;)
Haha! ;)
Nice piece of text. The workaholic part makes me think to myself a few years ago... I fortunately managed to escape ;)
Happy new year btw!
I'm so happy you finally managed to escape!
Happy New Years to you too!
It took some hard work from me. That was not easy!
I would assume so. You did it bit by bit, or reduced your working scheduled once and for all?
I got a wife and a child and decided to spare my time between work (65-70 hours per week in average) and them :) Now, it is very rare I am working over the week-ends or in the 17:30-21:00 period during the week days.
Yeah that's a great insight @lemouth, it helps a lot. It's like defining a non-negotiable.
This way you can enjoy your time with them, without worrying about work.
Thank you btw!
That´s a wonderful post, thanks for sharing!
I don´t think so :-) I don´t think it´s ever too late for anything. There is an ideal moment for everything, depending on our personal state, situation and mind.
We shouldn´t ever regret, since we didn´t know better when making a certain decision. Living means learning... and first of all learning who we are and what matters to us.
Happy weekend! :)
Thank you!
Yeah, I don't live in regret actually, I thought you should own your mistakes.
As you said, we learn :)
I dont know what to say man.... This is just so touching...
:(
Thanks so much for this, man ... You deserve to be happy... We all deserve to be happy... I hope we all find the happiness we deserve...
We all do! :) Thanks for the great comment man!
A lyric of a good poem, a little sad.
Oh no! I learned from it.
Plus beautiful memories :)
maybe,it is my feeling.