Hello there,
I am new to this but I want to talk a little on this thing called loss.
It could be the loss of different things...such as a home, wages, friendships, trust...etc. But for the purposes of this blog is about the loss of one's sibling...and how much of an impact it has been.
To preface, I am a mother of two beautiful children. I LARP. I play video games. (All of which I will one day cover) I do art and I write novels (and I will do some pieces on that too). I try to surround myself with things I find positive even when things are not as beautiful or positive as one would like. 2021 was my hardest year.
I started the year with high hopes...
But drumroll please I find myself in a spiral that made me feel like I was being punished for existence. 2021 was the year of greater losses than gains.
January: my mentor died on the 2nd. A week after that my grandpa. The week after than my grandmother. The week after that my cousin on my husband's side of the family.
February wasn't as bad but I was dealing with stress with work and working with a boss that created such a toxic environment for us that many of us wanted to quit. It pushed me into a terrible depression because I loved that place but it hurt to be anxious every morning and dreading walking through the door.
March was the first month I lost clumps of hair. It wasn't super noticeable but for 3 days, I lost hair in globs when I touched my hair due to birth control that was the generic brand of the nuvaring called PRASCO. If you are a woman, do not think about taking it home. The person that worked the call center there said that they would never recommend their products to anyone even their worst enemy. But after the removal, I was fine.
April was one of the better months.
May was ok. But when June hit...my best friend's baby (who was loved and adored and I called her my little princess), she passed away at the ripe age of 2.
July was fine. August was fine. I thought things were getting better, aside from my hair loss...which continued. I paid so much into products and services that didn't even work to help my condition...maybe 1k+ to say the least.
September: I lost my big little brother, Esteban. I loved him like a brother. He was flaming gay, but he was talented. An actor. A singer. He self taught himself spanish. It was his passion. I loved him so much. I was sad when he moved to Ohio but he was doing a lot of great career based things. However, the way he went out shocked me but didn't surprise me. He died protecting someone he cared about. He had a heart attack while doing so. He had such a big heart...and would do anything to help people he loved...and I wish...I wish that he was still here because he was one of the most loyal and kindest people one would be lucky to have in their lives.
October... I had a great birthday. I thought things were going my way. Finally. No. Six days later...I learn that my younger brother committed suicide when I was at work- thinking it was a normal day. No. It was one of the worst days. I screamed so loud, the world became nothing but silence. I cried so hard I could fill an ocean. I thought it was just a dream. I thought I was losing my mind. I couldn't believe what I heard. My brother and I were close. Two peas in a pod. The smartest of the three of us. Honor students. Doing well in our lives and careers, and establishing ourselves. Clean records. It wasn't like him...to do something like that. It wasn't like him. But he did. It was the hardest loss I ever took. I had other losses that took the breath out of me...but this...this really broke me. I feel like I haven't been my self. I have tried to do things to keep myself focused and to do things that I should have done...like finish college...publish my book (and I finally did after ten years), bring back my fire. But...I have those moments where I feel so lost and that I am spiraling out of control. Which...leads me to 2022. I struggled for weeks...until I couldn't hold it in anymore. I broke down...after months of trying to be strong. Now I am working part time while in therapy, watching my kids, and working on my trilogy...but at the same time...I am losing my mind over bills. I used what I had in my savings since I had so many small paychecks...and now I am facing the end of the road.
For once...I want to win. I want to do something about it. So...I am using my writing skills to earn what I can so I can keep my house for my family. The moral of this sadly true story is it is ok to not be ok...but please seek help. Trying to be strong is ok but you don't have to do it alone. There are people and resources out there that is affordable like Open Path. They will work with you...but you must take care of you too because you are important. Your health is important. Your happiness is important. DO NOT FORGET THAT.
Welcome to HIVE! Be sure to back up your passwords somewhere offline so you don't lose access to your account. I'll delegate some Hive Power to help you get started finding your place in our community here.
I'm afraid I have no words of wisdom to help ease the sorrow of a rough year. It seems anything I say would belittle your grief somehow. It is OK to not be OK. We seem to have a culture of artificial happiness, as if hiding trouble behind a veneer of sunshine and rainbows is supposed to make it all go away.
Hey @ravenrazart! This is @indayclara from the @ocd team. Congratulations and welcome to Hive!
We are sorry for your loss but we hope you are doing better as each day passes. Writing can be therapeutic and helpful for you. You can meet genuine people here too and so we are excited for your journey here!
We love to read more of your stories so make sure to share them in our amazing Communities like Family & Friends or Motherhood! You can also check out the Communities Incubation Program.
If you are looking for tips and information as a Hive newbie, click here. This will also help you with your start here: How To Get A Great Start on the Hive Blockchain
By the way, since content on the Hive platform is monetized, using other people’s ideas or images could be considered as an offense and which is also viewed in a serious light on the blockchain. Here is a useful collection of resources about how plagiarism and abuse is viewed and handled on Hive.
If you have questions, you can hop into Discord server and we'll gladly answer your questions.
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