The more I learn about therapy and psychology, the more I unpack my background and that of the people closest to me, the more I think about future generations. There is a certain space inside my mind I've designated. A bulletin board where I pin the most important lessons for when I become a mom. I make little notes of the things I wish my children to learn, but also of the things that should die with my generation. Naturally, all of these I hope to teach them myself.
I'd like future generations of this family to know love and respect are non-negotiable and do not need to be earned from one's own. I'd like them to know that even though they may be young, children even, different from the norm, or vociferously opposed to the things their tribe considers rightside-up, that does not make them wrong.
It's worth explaining that I'm thinking of my larger family, my extended family, which tends to have a problem with enmeshment. You either think like us or you are worthy of ridicule. Being an overall close-knit family, it's at times hard when younger generations come and oppose the "status quo" dictated by the older ones. I've seen the heartbreaking effect this has had on cousins, but also felt it on my own skin, at times.
I'd like future generations to feel they can always speak freely, that they can be themselves, and not feel threatened or scorned.
Laugh freely especially in the face of adversity. The above is one of the few pictures I saved from my grandmother's extensive collection. I have no clue who these revelers are, but I know the photo is from the early 40s. Middle of World War 2. I think their expressions are priceless, which is why I've stuck the photo on my bedroom mirror.
Laugh in the face of adversity. Enjoy yourself.
And mind your drink.
I'd like them to know men are not to be feared. Nor put on a pedestal. Alas, male figures in this clan have been poor role-models (putting it kindly). It seems to have created much strife - women either shunning men and sexuality entirely, or sacrificing themselves for it. Men who seem worryingly ill-at-ease in their own skin.
If I could talk to the children yet to come, I'd remind them it doesn't need to be either way. That being a woman should not put you at odds with the masculine. That being a man should neither ostracize you, nor turn you into this object of myth.
I'd tell them don't be ashamed by your weird name. And don't bastardize it. No one in my family has "normal" names, certainly not for this country. Looking back through our bloodline, I see it's just one of a myriad ways in which our family has worn its otherness - at once a point of pride and shame for us all.
I was listening recently to my uncle describe a strong feeling of being different all his life, and it struck me how desperately we've all held onto this feeling. This being different to a world we consider inferior. My ancestors, Germanic diplomats to this land, had little more than contempt for this lowly country and its peasantry. Oh no, not us. I realize we still emulate that otherness today, even though now, we're as Romanian as the rest of them.
And looking at my family, it doesn't seem to have helped our development.
That being said, I'd hope new generations always think of our name as a point of pride. A good strong name for a strong tribe. A warrior tribe. A non-conforming tribe. And that's not little in this day and age. At the very least, I hope it's enough to give them strength, make them brave in the darkness.
And regardless of gender, the one thing I'd wish for them, a lyric I've taken great comfort in when things seemed pitch black,
May you grow up to stand as a man, up;
With the pride of your family and name.
I couldn't take credit for the idea. It was @ericvancewalton who wanted to know
What advice would you give to future generations of your family?
as part of his Memoir Monday initiative. If you haven't checked it out, I highly recommend doing so - and contributing. Excellent food for thought here - thank you for that, Eric! :)
Wonderful advice you've passed on here. It's interesting how strongly, and often subconsciously, DNA effects our choices and behaviors. Sometimes I'll have a knee-jerk reaction to something and it's like I'm channeling my Father. I think the main difference between some of the current/younger generations now and those of the past is we're aware of it. When we're aware of it it becomes more of a choice. Thank you for sharing this!
I appreciate your advice for the next generation. Sometimes family habits can get in the way of progress. Being able to laugh is so important...especially at oneself!
There's a lot of wisdom in this, friend, I don't know where to start. But the part about ladies being true to who they are. Not putting men on a pedestal or sacrificing who they are for the sake of baseless validation.
All wise and true words. ❤️
P.S: Would really love to know what was going on in the mind of the guy at the back of the picture. Lol
Lovely advices here...
Would love to join the memoire Monday initiative...
Thanks for bringing this to my feed ✨
@ericvancewalton, must ones answer only be on Mondays or throughout the week is okay...
Throughout the week. I asked the same thing :)
Okay then!!
Thanks!
You’ve given us great advices
I’d also like future generations to be confident and bold not only about speaking but taking actions too
I hope future generations not only read this wonderful blog with great advice but also read many of your other blogs filled with insight and wisdom sweet @honeydew!
It's such a privilege to belong to a 'clan', so I fully understand when people who've been adopted go to great lengths to discover their roots.
Thank you for being 'you' and staying true to yourself!