Thoughts, Potential Solutions, And A Little Bit Of Ranting
Okay, so one thing that I tend to not enjoy is the constant ranting of sports parents and onlookers about how horrid coaches are. Most coaches are volunteers and try really hard to do the best they can with what they have to work with. Most.
In fact, I think there is a huge propensity for people in my culture to talk radio style rant about everything without putting any skin in the game themselves. Most of the time the people bashing every possible minutia about a coach or a game's proceedings have never coached themselves. It's not as easy as it sounds or looks.
Now, I am the last person in the entire universe who advocates centralized anything, but I am a big believer in training and on-going education, and I think all coaches should have some training. Even if you were an All American basketball player, you could still benefit from continuing your education regarding the coaching of other people's kids. Let me give you an anecdotal example as to why I believe this.
This past week I have either been at a volleyball game or a football game every other night. My kids love athletics, but as their parents and grandparents were athletes, this is not that surprising. However, I am not one of those parents. I don't push my kids to play sports, what they play and do is completely up to them, as they put the effort out.
But I digress. My baby gorilla was playing a football game in Sandpoint, and right before the game the head coach switched up everything. Oh, and his insolent son also mouthed off to the refs and got us a couple really smashing penalties, but this man had the gal to yell at our neighbor boy because he changed up a play (he is the quarterback) because he misheard what the coach had said and was confused because everything was a swirling cluster of changed at the last minute confusion.
Lest you think I am being dramatic, this guy called a throwing play when they were 3rd and 1 and the team has a 5'10", 220 pound running back. Oh, and this is 8th grade.
In the kid's jr. tackle league, their coaches move with them, so my son has had the same coaches since 4th grade. The final straw happened recently for me when I found out that they were actually being abusive in the after game talk.
Now, none of us are the overly sensitive types. In fact, my husband is intentionally a bit ornery to the kids so that when life fish slaps them in the face they will have a bit of resiliency and can handle things. There is a difference between correction and all out abusive behavior. Once I found out what was going on, basically all out inappropriate language and un-professional behavior, I announced that I was just going to stand and stare at the coach while the so called talks were happening. I wasn't going to say anything, just deliver a good, old-fashioned librarian stare.
Interestingly enough, it turned into a vigil as a whole bunch of other parents joined me and the talk took on a different tone.
I've coached before. It's hard. You are dealing with kids who are coming from a myriad of different situations and you have to inspire them to perform as a unit. That is a tall order. It can be done though, because you know what, your kids are only going to perform as well as you instruct and motivate them.
Hence, training.
There's so much out there, knowledge from other coaches, psychological advancements that can help motivate and properly deal with behavioral issues, advances in the game or discipline itself. If you want your kids to keep learning you have an obligation to keep learning too.
Our girls high school basketball coach understands this and does more personal growth reading and training than any ten people. He's also led our girls to and they've won State multiple times.
Let's move on to my second pet peeve, favoritism. We live in a rural area, there's not a huge amount of kids compared to other schools and athletic programs, so aside from the occasional stand out, when you have a squad of kids it's generally a group of kids with a very close together athletic ability grouping.
So why in the name of floor burns do coaches pick just a couple of kids and build the entire team around them? I have witnessed and personally experienced this phenomenon aplenty. Doing such a thing in team sports is a recipe for sucking.
Take the volleyball game I witnessed last night. I watched both JV and Varsity, and let me tell you, the favorites emerged early. They were allowed to blast around too and fro unchecked, actually hurt the team with their game play, and ultimately led to a loss of the game (that and a lack of focus on fundamentals which I will get to in a moment). I get it, there are some kids you probably are going to like more than others, but the second that favoritism emerges you have ceased being a coach and are roaming into the realm of trying to be a kid's peer. That is not a place you should be.
Which brings me to the fundamentals thing. Why do people want to be Lebron James before they can be Jake of park and rec. I played and coached volleyball and nothing makes me crazier than watching a varsity volleyball game and not a single player knows how to approach for a spike, stay on their toes, or just move properly. And don't even get me started on the double hits, the penalties in that game for were in the double digits, and the only reason the girls were flat footed was an overall lack of conditioning. It was sad. But they were really proud of their ability to back row attack and some of them could sorta ugly jump serve....sigh.
I've noticed this trend in all sports really, this idea to push people along fast without instilling the fundamental skills that should really be automatic by the time you hit your late high school years. Once again, this reflects on coaching, and in my opinion a need for training.
My hubs coaches youth shooting sports, a discipline that you cannot coach without training and certification. He also coached a championship winning volleyball team, and we are talking about a high level of competition, the kids off of that team got full scholarships to places like The University Of Hawaii, so for him watching people fail kids is especially painful, not because he is a haughty, egotistical jerk, but because he knows his athletes are only as good as he can instruct and inspire them to be.
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And that is all I have to say for the moment about this topic. I've probably not been as eloquent about it all as I wish to be, but my whole goal with this expression of frustration is to actually be a part of making a better environment for young people rather than just being a festering pustule of complaining or a passive aggressive coelenterate who observes injustice but doesn't rock the boat. I'd love to hear any of your thoughts on the topic!!
I was never an athletic person, so never got involved in sports beyond some grade school volleyball games. Yet what you say make sense. I agree, coaches should be required to attend training sessions, probably every year. Not everyone who ends up coaching understands all that it entails. They may be doing their best, and maybe nobody else wants the job so that's how they got it, but training could make a huge difference for the coach as well as for the team. And I applaud you for putting your best librarian stare to such good use.
LOL! You know, I generally don't get involved in things, as humans tend to be humans, and a lot of them like drama, but even easy going people reach the apex of their tolerance. Things have been going better on the player treatment front since then for sure.
Honestly, most days I would like to just do what my Pickles is doing right now, sitting on a patio table, soaking in the sun, and staring at unseen to me motes of vastly interesting somethings. Hope all is well:)
Nice post, I really liked the way you let your kids do whatever they like to do with their own free will
Many parents have spoit the future of their children with the mentality of keeping the families lagacy
For instance, it's actually an assumption; My grand-father is a musician so therefore as far as I belong to the family I must be a musician also. The child will just be living another person's life.
Favouritism kills alot, it should totally be discouraged in the society and the world at large. Being a coach is not easy but a team can't stand without a coach; as a coach he/she is to motivate the children and not let them lose hope.
Oh wow, it is so hard to stand up to family pressure, especially when it comes to tradition, which is really just peer pressure from the dead and the living alike. Ugh. Being coerced emotionally into doing something for someone else is the absolute worst thing ever and I hope that you are pursuing a life on your terms:)
Thank you so much for offering up your thoughts on the subject, I truly enjoyed them!
You are welcome, I also enjoyed your post it was as if you poured out all your thoughts 👍, and I know you are truely relieved.