One of the most painful part about my mum's passing-away is my memory loss. I lost it, all the memories of me and her and moments and times, happy or sad. I am left with "times" in her last days.
I want to be in paradise. I want to see you mum.
It is made to look like I have to forget it all and just carry on but gosh I love her so much.
I want to be in Paradise.
"Sc 1"
I wrote "SC 1" inside a circle, in many compartments of a going-to-be folded paper. This i did hours ago a dream-reality moment. I wonder what it means. I wonder why.
I wailed from within my agonized rest and into my agonized wake. My eyes and me wailed "I miss you mummy".
I was in tears from inside that sleep and on onto my wake and my wailing was audible too. It was heard.
My dad is here and I can't even love him enough. And before she died, she still spoke of him and about giving him "her eyes", so he can see. She still had "hope"; even her subconsciousness maintained hope.
And when she went back to her mother tongue and her audible wailing, she pulled a lengthy prayer and all that was in that prayer was "Anak" (Children).
She loved him. She drained herself to take care of that man. I understand her stress now. I am with him now and my mind never rests. My eyes too and watching these things kills.
I have lost memory. May i not lose my brain. May my mind not leave me. In Jesus' name amen.
She was half-human (not of her making) but she didn't stop working. Till one day she was climbing the staircase and she collapsed for she had no strength and it is not known "to go to the hospital", in this other world of donkey-life.
"She was tired" was all she pummeled herself to knowing. And when she eventually went to start seeking MR DOC, she collapsed again at the stairs. "She was alone too!".
She did 2-weeks of "not-walking-or-talking". Then she arose like all was well and on "empty energy", she took the 24-hours trip to the Philippines to see "her only son". Then she saw him and it was "hospital" on that same day.
For once in her life, starting a few years before she passed, she had starting saving pennies. She had hopes of a full-life and for us too.
I feel like a sinner that I couldn't give her skyscrapers and I so am.
I ask forgiveness. May i be forgiven.
That half-humanism abates, i will push and push and push and crawl and dead-talk and dead-walk till "fruition" for this happen, else, at the very least, i will leave the model out in the spaces, for its cure.
May it not be among the only things i do. May my very mind not leave me. May life itself not leave me. All in Jesus' name amen.
Note
The entire-above aren't just feelings. The entire-above is me.
Your boy Terry
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Someday you will see her once more but this time in shining glory. She left the world a better place because she birth you to earth. Keep the fire burning, that's what she would want you to do.
@surpassinggoogle I am so sorry for the loss of your mum. We all know how precious she was to you.
God receive her with open arms. And give you comfort in JESUS NAME.
I am not good with words, but know that I am thinking of you.
Sending love and light
<3
I Am Praying with You Terry @surpassinggoogle <333
Sending Love to You & Dad Always
Amen
@surpassinggoogle, You've never let us know through your expressions that you've faced and facing all these situations, and for sure no human being can find the words to describe the efforts of Mother.
And no matter what, blessings of your mother is with you, and never breakdown because she is your strength and this post proves that. So whatever vision you hold, walk on it with double force and achieve it because you are on kind path.
Wishing you an great day and stay blessed.
We will create skyscrapers and we will arrive up to her. 💕
This comment was made from https://ulogs.org
This is heart touching but you have to be strong.
Because am sure she wants you to be strong too.
She would be happy if those things you can't give her, is given to your love ones that are alive.
My heart bleeds for you dear Terry. Sorry about the memories lost, that can hurt bad. I pray Jehovah takes this pain away, you won't lose your mind, you can't. There's too much in there, too much at stake. Your mom is in a glorious place. It still hurts, but it's a consolation. She sees, she prays you stay strong.
Life is a gift, and an apology. We thank God regardless.
I know how you feel, Terry. A good mother is God's substitute on Earth.
I feel you sir, when I lost my elder brother early 2013 I kept all the datas (photos, videos of him) I have in my computer's hard desk untill such time the hdd has been corrupted and could not be recovered. I felt like he was just died on the day the hhd got corrupted. I still miss him so much although he left us 5 years ago.
People who have been part of our lives are exceptional and infinite, they may leave us and would never be back again but the memories we've treasured will remain in our hearts forever.
Jehovah will bless you in the name of Jesus
I am so sorry about this. It is so tough even. With my dad here with me, i understand her wars better. My dad as well is in my head. It is like watch someone die each day. May we not die. Normally, i don't talk. So i won't talk much.
In Jesus' name amen. May Jehovah heal us all.
Im praying for your dad sir, may our almighty God will fully heal him and let him see the beauty of the world again.
That's heartbreaking, Terry. I know some traumas can "delete" memories, if only temporarily. They'll come back.
I lost my father a few years ago and ironically many memories that i thought were lost started to emerge out of the blue.
Memories from when i was very little and others from more recent times. Fond memories all of them. The bad ones got blocked and i am thankful for that.
My old woman is still alive, but struggling. We are closer and i know that when she is gone the void will be hard to fill.
If love was given, then peace will prevail.
It's well Terry; to understand pain, the same pain is needed to know how! I know she rests in the blossom of God.
I wish I could restore all are fond memories with you before her parting to a better place.
Keep hope alive, stay strong & don't be tired 😭
That's a tough time for you @surpassinggoogle. I'm so glad you pour it out here with your vulnerability and your memory with her is now immortalized on the blockchain. I thank you for doing that and not tried to harbor it all within by yourself. Hugs and love to you. I know no amount of words of comfort can make u feel better and I bless you as you mourn through this process. She has loved you the best she can and I know you have too. Don't blame yourself but remember some of the things you can still remember. God's peace and comfort with you.
I went through something similar a few years ago, I hope you find the strength you need Terry.
I think world is paradise if you have mother in this world.
It is hard to forget. Actually me, I dream my mother ones in a week. How is your dad bro?
Omg,please take care of yourself dear.Please accept reality ,its life.Your beloved mom will hurt if you don't live happily.I am also a mother,so please try to be happy.Take care of yourself,the entire steemit family love you so much.If possible please connect with me, I will be happy to share your grief dear,please take care.You are a gam for us.
I know that it is not easy to go through a difficult situation, especially when it comes to a mother
Heart touching story sir.
Sometimes we need to let go of someone we truly love even if how hard it is, moving on is just like giving your beloved mum peace in heaven. Just take care of yourself and your dad and I'm sure she will be happy in heaven.
stay strong. Everything will pass by.
HE will make a way for all of us
Love and prayers xoxo
This comment was made from https://ulogs.org
I am wishing you all the strength you need <3 Much love!
Mis mas sentidas condolencias @surpassinggogle por la perdida de tu mamá, muy triste y doloroso su partida
My most heartfelt condolences @surpassinggoogle
very great post
i can feel your longing for your mom with your words. I know she's just there beside you and surely she's rhe one guiding you in everything.
stay strong sir Terry , God will never leave you. Everything will be okay. Love you!
This comment was made from https://ulogs.org
Prayers to your mom. May she rest in peace and May God grant her eternal life.
I have no words............
Oh wow. So sorry for your loss (heaven's gain) Terry!!!!!!!!
I dread that day.
May God Bless you Terry, and fill you with Love and strength, that you may continue to pour out Love on all those around you, and to be strong for your father, and that you may have an eternal well spring of energy inside of you, and eyes that see the good, and hands that continue to do the good.
In Jesus Christ prescious name we pray, Amen
And we are praying with you, for you and in the powerful name of Christ you have allies from around the world. Be bolstered!
@surpassinggoogle I miss her so much...when she was on her way to meet you in the phillipines,I told her “mummy be strong,go see your son,spend time with him and your family” Be a bit patient for me,we will go on a tour in USA,because that was where she has always wanted to go!!I wanted her so badly to have the feel of it....And all she said was don’t worry you’ll get your visa,you’ll take me there...😰😰 I got my visa mama...But right now,all I need is my visa to see you in paradise....Gosh I miss her so much,too much,everyday,every second,every minute, Terry..😰😰😰
I'm really sorry about your mother @surpassingoogle. When my mother passed away, I was 22 years old, leaving my father with eight children to care for. She died of cancer, only two years lived. My father didn't find what to do with that picture and I had to take my mother's place and my father's to get ahead with my siblings. I want to tell you, that made me much stronger because I wanted through that great responsibility to keep my mother's memory alive. After a long time, my father got diabetes and I had to stay with him in the hospital until he died. Now I can say that I honored them as much as I could and I feel at peace with them, with Jehovah and with myself. If you want to cry, cry, but don't let adversity conquer you. Think that you have much love to receive and much to give. Seek refuge in prayer so that you may have strength. God willing, your father will soon be better.