Several days ago, @jaynie published a culinary post. As a bachelor, such posts border upon cruel and unusual punishment. I'll let my comments speak for themselves:
quillfire (60) · 5 days ago
@jaynie,
I have never written a poem about a pork roast. Perhaps it is time.
I curse your culinary posts. It's as if you have direct control over my salivary glands. One day I'm going to drool a drop too many on my keyboard and zap ... that will be the end of Poor Ol' Quill.
Image by Tambako The Jaguar
EDIT: OK, here's the thing. I was just checking my GinaBot notifications and, as if by Divine Intervention, up pops a Lyric Poetry Contest sponsored by @felixgarciap. The object of the contest is to write a poem off the writing prompt: "flawless." https://steemit.com/steembasicincome/@felixgarciap/reminder-of-the-nineteenth-issue-of-lyric-poetry-contest-prompt-flawless
As mentioned above, I've never written a poem about a "pork roast," let alone one that was "flawlessly scored." Indeed, I'll bet no one, Shakespeare included, has ever attempted to scale the literary mountain such would entail. Can you see where this is going?
Anyone can write a sappy poem about love or love lost. But how to cook the perfect pork roast ... that requires creativity kung fu that's in a league of its own.
Jaynie, we (I'll get to that in a second) need material. That is, we'll need to know precisely how one goes about cooking the perfect pork roast (in addition to the flawless scoring, of course). We'll need details.
Now to the "we" part. I've discovered in previous poetry-related posts that PHC is chalk full of cocky aspiring poets just pining for a chance to take down Ol' Quill. I've been meaning to call them out for a showdown at High Noon but have yet to get around to it.
Well, the time has arrived.
So listen up you PHC iambic amateurs ... Quill's throwing down the gauntlet. It's time for you to meet your maker. You ... me ... and a poem about a pot roast cooked to perfection.
I dare you.
Quill (Doc)
Well, here it is you bunch of low-down, yellow-bellied, good-for-nothin' PHC Johny Ringos.
Flawless, Delicious Vignette
Ah, simple pleasures; life's greatest treasures,
Primeval, they are in appeal,
The simple in fare when made it with care,
Like meat when made for meal.
The Good Ol’ Pork Roast, such thing ought we toast,
To it, ought raise we our wine,
For sharing of plates means sharing of fates,
With friends with whom we would dine.
Greatest of tables, few more enfabled,
Than tables that Ol’ Jaynie sets,
Greatness, a choice; she finds it her voice,
Flawless, delicious vignette.
As all I’d avail, I tell you her tale,
Words from one who is wise,
Her lessons impart, one shares in her art,
Wisdom, I think you’d surmise.
First must you score your cut of a boar,
Lattice, through depth of the fat,
If cut you too deep, the juices will seep,
Texture, a rope woven matte.
From it olive tree and salt from the sea,
Make oil to keep the pork tender,
Massage it, the meat; and oven preheat,
Prepare for oncoming splendor.
In cooking of meat, a trick to the feat,
Like love … it’s best when done slow,
With tension-release does pleasure increase,
A trick all poets do know.
Forty minutes per pound, three hundred around,
Remove and cool half-an-hour,
Four-seven-five, for cracklings you'll strive,
Quarter-hour ... and then you devour.
Simple yet savory with no kitchen slavery,
Evokes ancestral ideal,
Add-in side dish and make it a wish,
For family and friends 'round a meal.
Quill
All images are linked to source, are QuillFire originals or are modifications of images in the public domain. Videos and images may also be parodies of original works, therefore relying upon applicable exemptions from copyright.
You guys know the QuillDrill. Be verbose ... but articulate.
And remember ...
Go Love a Starving Poet
For God's sake ... they're starving!
You got me salivating and laughing at the same time, pork we sit down and dine regularly, wish I had all my teeth to crackle on...
Awesome @quillfire you are a poet... Yes you know it!
As @fionasfavourites said "Don't make your troubles, my troubles..." we cook anything, anywhere... here in good old South Africa.
@joanstewart,
The whole drooling while guffawing thing ... surprisingly, it's a good look for a woman. :-)
Because of PHC, my Afrikaans ... and the range of what I consider edible ... expands daily.
Quill
No sympathy for these sorts of complaints.
I want roast pork even more after reading this.
@abitcoinskeptic,
So do I ... I worked myself into a feeding frenzy writing this damn poem ... occupational hazard. :-)
There's another 5 days left before the deadline and I'm commiting to severe provocation of my fellow PHC members. I have a feeling we have not seen the end of Odes to Pork Roast.
Quill
I feel ashamed I don't join enough PHC contests. I may have to take a closer look at that contest, but I'm very busy these days and stepping out of routine is stressful. Maybe I need a nice pork dinner.
Oh, you are not alone @abitcoinskeptic! I never have time for any! But, for Quill, @quillfire I may try to make an exception.
@abitcoinskeptic,
It's not even a PHC Contest ... I'm just turning it into one.
And remember, a poem has no "best length." I've written plenty of single stanza poems (4 lines). It needs only to include "flawless" and be about a "pork roast."
We are the Power House Creatives and hence we have an obligation to demonstrate ... why we earn the big bucks. :-)
Quill
Borris Johnson once roasted a pig, or did he do something else with it?
Now he is roasting a flawed populist idea. Rule of majority is far from flawless.
Only you could turn a pork roast into a delightful poem. 😊
@redheadpei,
Not just me ... you wait and see.
By the Contest's deadline on August 25, PHC poets will have crippled the blockchain with hunger.
It will be a bad time to be a pig. :-)
Quill
This post was curated by moi, @princessmewmew on behalf of the #creativecoin curation team, because your post has a creative topic, and because it’s just plain awesome 🥰
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@princessmewmew,
Thank you, Your Highness. Creative Coin ... I'll have to look into that.
Quill
I am sure the likes of Shakespeare, Dante and Chaucer would just delight into this unusual foray of yours.
I know not very verbose, yet I am usually articulate. Being from the Yoda School of Speech, I do wonder about being articulate at times. However, I am the texter that says ya and k.
If anyone could make a pork roast sound more splendorous, it is you Quill.
@tryskele,
Hi Try.
You know, it was either a post about the propriety of pork roasts or contemplations about the wisdom of HardFork 21 ... what I'm now referring to as "The Pyre." Self-evidently, the former was more sensible than the latter.
"Splendorous" is a good word, isn't it?
Quill
I am sure you could put a twist into HF21 that would surely make a head spin and get someone to agree it's the best thing since sliced bread 😊
I love the word splendorous. Not used often enough in my opinion.
I haven't eaten pork in many years - but your poem brought me back to my childhood when pork roast on a Sunday was quite the event.
@mariannewest,
Strange how many people had pork roasts on Sunday. Was that a thing? Is it religiously based? I grew up in Canada and sometimes I stumble across minor cultural differences between Americans and Canadians I find surprising.
Quill
I grew up in Germany and pork was a thing there -the cheapest meat available. During the week, at least when I was little, we usually didn't have meat for the main meal (lunch there) or any meal for that matter. Sunday roast with Kloesse was a very big deal.
Kloesse are potato dumplings and each town has their own version. In my hometown, Coburg, the process started the day before with peeling all the potatoes, grating half of them very fine (by hand) and covering them with water.
The next day, the remaining half got boiled and turned into a very soft potato mash, the raw pulp was put in a special bag and wrung out to be very dry, the potato starch on the bottom of the soaking bowls collected. Then, the fun began.
A big bowl was placed on a stool with the wrung-out pulp; hot potato mash got poured over; one person held the bowl while another started beating the dough with a special wooden tool until all the hot mash is incorporated; repeat until a nice potato dough is achieved that is now very hot.
Big posts of water were ready on the stove. Now, hands were dipped in cold water to be able to handle the hot dough, balls were formed (with a couple of small squares of rolls roasted in butter added to the middle) and carefully released into the simmering water.
They were cooked and ready as soon as they reached the surface and needed to be eaten hot with lots of gravy.
Now you know a lot more about pork roast experiences you ever wanted to know LOL.
Oh, @mariannewest I miss the MARINIERTER SCHWENKBRATEN!!!!
@mariannewest,
Marianne, that's fascinating. I am most definitely going to try this. Pot roast with Kloesse and gravy. It sounds delicious. And, it's triggering a desire for sauerkraut. And beer. And long socks.
One of things I've learned about myself on Steemit is that when it comes to food, I am highly suggestible. :-)
Quill
I'm dreaming of pulled pork now. I'm so thankful to Muslims, Jews and Vegans, imagine how little there would be left for us if all those extra billions of people started eating piggy!
Cg
Bwahahaha! That really did make me laugh! Tickled my funny bone!
@cryptogee & @fionasfavourites,
Hey Crypt.
You know, I think you've hit upon an insight. There are so many people excluded from eating pork, one almost suspects ... agency and intent. And, in case you didn't know, pigs are widely considered the smartest of the barnyard animals. And ... they have motive.
"Crazy," you say?
I'm not sure what it's like in the UK but here's a sight you see all over America:
.
.
Mind you, I suppose this could be just more evidence of the Culture War that is dividing the country. I think cows are Democrats. Just look at those protesters: Playing Identity Politics; claiming victimization; and trying to get others to pay reparations.
Quill
@quillfire and @cryptogee
There is nothing more interesting (well, for the purposes of this conversation, anyway), than people's interpretation(s) of food(s).
Let me begin with the pig/pork conundrum: you do know, of course that it is, genetically, the closest one can get to being human without being human? Which, of course, is why, when no human organs have been available, a pig's heart and/or skin has/have been used in transplants (https://ansc.illinois.edu/news/human-pig-genome-comparison-complete-0). Which, of course, when mentioned on the radio earlier today appropos burn victims, had the Muslim listeners shaking their heads. Pigs are unclean and haram (forbidden) - even if they could save a life.
On a completely different note, and as I've mentioned often, I'm married to an avowed carnivore who consorts with fellow carnivores in a very carnivorous country. So, in those circles, meat that is not read, is at times, referred to as amper vleis as is the case with chicken.
Those comments are made with tongues firmly in cheeks, but it gets better: country menus which, next to the avocado and bacon salad and the chicken mayo toastie boast a big, bold V for...vegetarian...next to them, beggars belief.
Finally, not long after we arrived in our country village, we went to a "do" at the local larny (smart) lodge. It was an opskop (Quill can translate) of note and a buffet dinner was available. Including a vegetarian option for the single Jewish vegetarian diner. Among the dishes was a potato bake. With bacon. Which she ate with relish. She was none the wiser and she lives and breathes to (not) tell the tale because no-one dared tell her after she'd scoffed half the dish.
I wonder what George Orwell's Old Boar would have to say.
Fiona
Ah, @quillfire
That someone should so elequently opine about one's cooking, especially when no morsel has touched his lips...
High praise, indeed. Or is it unrequited love?
Fiona
@fionasfavourites,
The problem with South African girls is that they're all flirty, phenomenal cooks ... and married.
Quill
@quillfire
Well, boet - as they say in the local vernacular - don't my your problem my problem.
Fiona
You can find the community announcement on Discord :) and it has also been shared on our FB Page and Twitter feed.
@steemitbloggers,
Well thank you for the support SteemitBloggers / Power House Creatives.
As you can see, the poem is an ode to @jaynie. The poor old gal is getting a little long in the tooth (50) and I wanted to make her feel young again.
Quill
This post was curated by @theluvbug
and has received an upvote and a delayed resteem to hopefully generate some ❤ extra love ❤ for your post!
In Proud Collaboration with The Power House Creatives
and their founder @jaynie
@theluvbug,
Thank you, LuvBug. You are my favorite insect.
Quill
I'd say you've certainly written a great poem on the wonderful pork roast. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it!
@free-reign,
Thank you.
BTW, clever username.
Quill
Wow! I never thought food could do this! well done!
@nurseanne84,
You should see when I get exercised about Brussels Sprouts!!! Although in that case, it's no ode ... so, I suppose, a "node."
I hate Brussels Sprouts, including the terminal "s" in Brussel"s." Why is it there? If there was some guy named, Brussel, and the "s" connotes possession as in, "These are Brussel's sprouts," one wonders why we didn't make him keep the damned things. They were his and they ought still be his. Like syphilis, we don't always need to share in each other's possessions.
Quill
that is excellent!😊😊😊😊😊😊
I used to have roast pork every Sunday down the local pub, did that for years, never wrote any poems about it though
@wales,
Well, there you have it. The next time you're feeling writer's block, just take a look around and pull a QuillFire:
I'm still trying to get @girlbeforemirror to write a poem that includes the rhyming of "butt-crack" with "roof-rack."
Damn her pride.
We are Starving Poets. We can't afford to get picky.
Quill
Skulks off to write about love and stuff
!tip.20 worthy event dear Quill
@dswigle,
Ah, one of those PHC poets I was talking about. Denise, there are 5 more days before the contest's submission deadline.
Where's your six-shooter?
And you know what, let's see if we can coerce @old-guy-photos into this as well. Yes, I know he barely tolerates the presence of poets, but he too is a foodie aficionado ... and as committed a carnivore as one is ever likely to meet.
For Heaven's Sake Denise ... "pork" practically rhymes with "Michigan." How hard could this be?
Quill
Old-Guys reply was that you actually love me and tolerate him barely. Oh, if he only knew. That was in response to my Quill really loves you!
What's not to love, right? Your carnivorous manfriend is fighting with a mailbox right now, food barely in his thoughts. I said barely. My guessing is akin to Voodoo science, doncha know.
Well, I may try to give it a whirl, but, then you need to push in a #MarketFriday someday. ;) whoever said this isn't vote for a vote is lying. Kidding!! I never vote for anyone. Seriously, dude. WTH am I rambling about?
Pork?
@dswigle,
#MarketFriday ... I'm in.
Fair warning though. The first time I entered one of Ol' Guy's #MonochromeMondays, I managed to (without even trying) violate every single rule of the challenge. Moreover, it was clear that my lawlessness appealed to others and the anarchy began to spread. Ol' Guy had to lay down the law:
Apparently ... I'm a bad influence.
Here's the link:
https://steemit.com/poetry/@quillfire/stands-it-alone-poem
Quill
"Well look here, Darlin. It appears Johnny Ringo is an educated man. Now I know I hate him. "
One of the best!
@old-guy-photos,
Agreed. As I mentioned elsewhere. Tombstone is one of the highest concentrations of "quotable quips" you'll find in any movie. Spectacular writing. And the fact that it all comes off so easy (unforced), well that's a lot harder to achieve than most people realize.
Quill
This has got me thinking not only of dinner, but of nummy pork sandwiches for the days to fill the week. Yum.
@wwwiebe,
I hope it also has you thinking about writing a poem. Whoever wins this contest is going to become, relativistically, wealthy. I kid you not: The prize money is, quite literally ... a small fortune.
Quill
Oh it is! My thoughts are already spinning.
I've heard that the prize money is five zeroes behind the first leading zero!
@wwwiebe,
Quantity over quality, it's the Steemit way. :-)
Quill
Welcome back
@brittandjosie,
Thank you.
The silver lining, I suppose, of Katie's departure for university is that I no longer have anyone reading my drafts and saying:
Freedom!
Quill
We will do the honours now in name of Katie 😉
Nicely done, @quillfire. Also...
@traciyork,
Thank you. And coincidentally, I have always wanted to learn calligraphy. :-)
Quill
You now have the time
Oh I bet you had a lot of fun with that, @quillfire!
@jayna
Hi Jayna.
I had a ton of fun. Ironically though, "silly poems" tend to be the most difficult to write. The reason is that while people understand that the subject is not serious, they will NOT forgive a diminishment in the technical construction of the poem. Indeed, I believe their standards go up.
They do not want the joke ... to be a joke. "Silly poems" don't get to be "bad poems."
And nothing makes a poem (or any story for that matter) "bad" faster than "implausibility." But how plausible is it that "cooking a pork roast is a noble cause?" It's like trying to fit a square peg into a round role.
Quill
OMG!!! hehehehe you are such a master! Is there anything you cannot turn into poetry @quillfire??!! - Stupid question haha :)
...sorry not sorry ;)
@jaynie,
Ah, the troublemaker that got all this going in the first place. :-)
BTW, no one believes you are in the least bit sorry ... not even a single iota.
Cook on, Mon General.
Quill
Roast pork is a very common dish served in Vietnam..
More common than any other meat
@ireenchew,
Which means you are very familiar with the subject matter .... for a poem! You still have a couple of days.
Quill
I'm not accustomed to eating words, mine or anyone else's, but I'll feast on these. Excellent rendition, Sir Quill.
@blockurator,
Hey Block.
High praise considering the source.
Of course, I know YOU, of all people, will be submitting an entry as well.
Flawless. Pork roast. Four days.
Quill
I have to quit reading these food posts before bed @quillfire, I feel like going for tacos. 👍
Posted using Partiko Android
@wonderwop,
Touche. When it comes to food posts, I am pathetically suggestible. Especially ones involving meats. Succulence is my Achilles Heel.
Quill
Excellent!
In cooking of meat, a trick to the feat,
Like love … it’s best when done slow,
With tension-release does pleasure increase,
A trick all poets do know.
@owasco,
Thanks.
I wondered if everyone would get the analogous reference to the heating-cooling-heating cycle (tension-release-tension) of cooking the pork roast. Otherwise ... that stanza was little more than thinly-veiled girl porn. :-)
Quill
jajaja I think I will die of laughter and hunger, is that a good roast pork is worthy of love, admiration and in this opportunity of a deserved poetry!
@fmbs25,
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I have to admit, when I first sat down to write the poem, I spent a not insignificant amount of time staring at a blank screen.
Of course, this is not the first time I've done this:
https://steemit.com/contest/@quillfire/s-b-d-poem-recitation-contest-25-sbd-minimum-comedyopenmic-40
Quill
This post was shared in the Curation Collective Discord community for curators, and upvoted and resteemed by the @c-squared community account after manual review.
@c-squared runs a community witness. Please consider using one of your witness votes on us here
@c-squared,
As usual, thanks guys. C-squared is one of the few things "right" about the blockchain. Thanks for doing the work you do.
Quill
Awesome roast poem, and great Tombstone clips!
comment by @morkrock
@morkrock,
Thanks.
Tombstone is one of the densest concentrations of quotable quips of any movie in existence. Incredible writing. And Doc Holiday's character is nothing short of legendary. :-)
Quill
Love the pork roast poetry! You never disappoint, and the banter in the comments is just as entertaining as the post itself. Good choice @jaynie for the rally upvote post!
@blueeyes8960,
Hi Blue.
It's true, I have the best crew of commenters on the blockchain and they boost "the experience" by an order of magnitude. Dozens of people have said the same thing. If these were the folks running the show, STEEM/Steemit would be a very different place.
Quill
From one of us low-down, yellow-bellied, good-for-nothin' PHC Johny Ringos
https://steempeak.com/powerhousecreatives/@owasco/flawless-pork-roast-a-haiku
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