Overthinking...
May lead you into a lack of motivation.
It may paralyze you.
It may convince you that you are unhappy.
It may convince you that THINGS AROUND YOU are making you unhappy.
For example, A relationship, financial situation, living situation...etc
Being depressed doesn't mean you are never happy, it can just come in waves, too.
I am truly grateful for my life, but I often get caught up in overthinking my relationship.
I have a 5 month old baby with a man I truly love, but with whom I question our compatibility often.
We aren't the type of relationship where we just get each other and it all flows easily.
We are Different.
But love is definitely there.
And attraction.
I am considering having a platonic relationship with him.
Which means we will continue to raise our daughter together and live under the same roof.
I know we will eventually both want a serious relationship, and I think it's possible for us to decide we want to be together, but I also think it is possible for us to choose to pursue another relationship.
I think in order for this to work for us, we must have very open communication and let one another know if we are interested in pursuing another relationship.
We will most likely continue to be sexual with one another, but I know that if one of us had a new partner we would no longer want to be sexual with one another, which is why we must communicate.
I'm curious to know if I will get jealous, considering I am a jealous person, although my awareness of this side of myself is allowing me to let go of my jealousy by reassuring myself that everything will end up okay. I know life will bring new people into our lives if we are ready for them.
It helps that we are both attractive people...sounds bad, I know.
We both love our daughter tremendously and I think we both like the way we are currently raising her and do not want to make it difficult for her by living in separate homes. It's nice to have us all in one home.
I do think if we pursued new relationships we would live in separate homes but I think it feels right for right now to live together.
I am going to discuss this with him tonight. I don't know how he will take it. It will not be a surprise because I bring this topic up often.
I'm hoping by listening to myself about our relationship and communicating these ideas with him, it will lesson my overthinking and therefore depression waves.
Wish me luck.
J
TruthMomma
Check out my blog, TruthMomma.com for more blog posts, mindfulness activities, baby product reviews, and more!
Only way this ends well is if you are bi-sexual and you both spend time pursuing other women. Relationships seem to be able to handle an extra women or three, but an extra man is disaster. Not saying it right, wrong or otherwise but just the way it seems to be.
Your pre-baby relationship ends the moment you take your baby home. The longer you pretend your pre-baby relationship should still exist post-baby the more pain you are causing each other and your daughter.
You either learn about each other as parents (instead of individuals rocking out in the no-kids universe) and find that you can fall in love with the new person you're suddenly cohabiting with or you move on.
Polyamory is a nice idea but a complete nightmare unless you were raised and live in a community that practices. You seem to be seeking validation sexually, probably because your partner's sex drive or attraction to you has dropped off the map.
This isn't going to change any time soon. Men's testosterone levels fall through the floor when they become fathers. Your home is becoming a shrine to your new child and everywhere he looks something reminds him of his daughter. It's not sexy and it's not a place he wants to have sex anymore.
You're a beautiful woman and most any man would drop everything to hop in the sack with you. But sex and parenting are horrible bedfellows.
Best advice is to take a three day weekend as soon as you can, without your child. Get drunk, high, dance, fuck, eat repeat. Then go back to reality.
Hit the nail. Thanks for your comment I really enjoyed it!
And I enjoyed your post, thank you for being so candid. Looks like we are about five years ahead of you guys and have gone through many of the same things. It's hard and gets harder as the routine sets in. Parenting can be summed up as "No said it would be easy, no one said it would be this hard." Flip side is, until you become a parent you haven't really lived. So there is that. Best of luck!
Wow! Great comment! good way to look at it.
Awesome post! You guys should look into polyamory. I have been entertaining that idea for some time now, but... there are still many doubts. The more I try to accept the polyamory way the less possessive I become with my partner. I believe that possession is the opposite of love. Finally I find someone who thinks very similar, interested to see how this turns out. I wish you both abundance in love. I will be following you. Thank you for sharing!
I've always been curious about polyamory but I think I only desire to be sexual with one person at a time. That could change one day... not sure. Setting one another free is key and knowing that you can be happy with or without that person. I will follow you in return. Thanks for your comment :)