Steemit entered my life at a peculiar time. A period of transition, if you will. One of self-renewal and self-discovery.
You see, as I sit here contemplating how to explain my plight, I fear coming off too "wordy" or looking too much like a victim. I fear looking weak, even under the cloak of anonymity that Steemit offers its users. I fear being judged by other users, just the same.
Life has been a struggle as of late. A struggle that has prevented me from interacting with the outside world. I have secluded myself into a state of severe isolation. The only outlet to the outside world I have had is the internet for the past couple of years.
You see, I have been labeled within this society. I have been “marked” as damaged and given a set clinic diagnoses to go along with it. I am a combat veteran. I served 15 years in the Army, having been discharged, honorably, three short years ago, but it seems like it was just yesterday that I took off the uniform. I am a 100% disabled veteran, which means I am “unlikely to maintain, gainful employment”, but I plan on changing that paradigm.
I am going to use Steemit to make that happen!
This is only my 49th post, between articles and responding to others, but I plan on contributing daily from this point forward. My mind is scattered, so naturally, my offerings will cover a large spectrum of topics.
Two years ago, I was working for an unnamed agency in the government. I was attempting to deal with issues related to PTSD and depression for which I was diagnosed with while in the Army, on my own. I did not make the time to seek treatment as I went directly from the military to the workforce, and really, I was lost, and did not know how to circumnavigate the process of getting treatment through the Department of Veterans Affairs.
Then it happened… The paranoia started to kick in. Thought patterns became erratic, and I lost my shit one day, while at work. I forced my employer to “lawyer up” so that a person of “authority” could tell me I was wrong in an accusation I had made concerning them taking away my rights. Something just snapped inside of my head that day, and I realized something, not knowing exactly what, had happened and I needed to do something about it before it got out of hand.
Embarrassed, I walked out of my job, and proceeded directly to the nearest VA medical clinic to be seen. According to my psychiatrist, I was in a “persistent” delusion or what others call, a state of “psychosis”. Everyone was a threat to me at this point in time, and I could not differentiate between what my mind had made up versus what had really transpired. I was in bad shape.
Now, the word “psychosis” sounds scary, and for the most part, the definition meets that expectation. Psychosis signals a loss of touch with external reality. That is the reality outside of your mind, or the reality that everyone else lives within.
The Path Forward
This was two years ago, and for the most part, I have spent my time interacting on the internet only as I have received ongoing treatment but have yet to make that step of getting myself back out there, once again, despite my condition improving over that time.
This is my road to recovery, and Steemit is bringing hope back into a once broken life. I have made leaps and bounds in my path to recovery, and this platform has given me a newfound interest that I look forward to contributing towards.
That all changes today. Today, I am taking a new step forward. Starting tomorrow, I will be making a point to interact with the outside world daily by taking up a new hobby of “Steeming”. I am learning as I go, and my work will only improve, so if you feel like reading the ramblings of a recovering, disgruntled veteran, then please hit the follow button below. #tellyourstory
This post received a 2.5% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @deep1111! For more information, click here!
Wow mate, sounds rough. Those ups and downs with the scares inbetween. It is truly amazing how Steemit can change ones life. I made a similar post about it just 2 days ago. Steemit has also changed me for good. Who knew a social media site could have this effect on a persons life
This post is deep! My dad is a Vietnam Veteran and he had to go to a camp where he had to live with other veterans who suffered from PTSD. I totally respect our military and you have made a courageous step forward. I'm rooting for u. Steem on!
Thanks for your support! I really do appreciate any support at this point. I have found my "inner-drive" back, and am working on my confidence. I look at the transition I am experience as being along the same lines as reconstructive surgery, as identifying one's self can sometimes require steady hands of a doctor.
I am no longer the soldier any more, and I am surely not the punk-kid who joined the service in the first place, so perhaps a lot of what I am going through is related to an inability to identify and define who I really am.
I imagine how hard it was for you when you were writing, perhaps a few tears on the keyboard.. Man, you earned more than my little upvote, but my respect!
Really Amazing stuff and beautifully shared by you...
Thank you for sharing and have a good day :)
Hell yeah bro, I'm cheering for ya. Sometimes your up, sometimes your down. Sounds like you had a steep curve there, and are on your way up! Good for you, and good luck! I dont have a very powerful upvote, but you got it.
Thanks for sharing your experience.
No problem, I am glad you took the time to read it.
Hey man, I can relate, and I wasn't even in the military. lol. No disrespect. Just haven't had to go to war to feel the same way. You're not alone, I guess is my point. Keep sharing, being yourself, and anyone taking away your rights better lawyer up. Good luck. See you on here later.
So true! Keep strong & Steem on!
Yes, I am not trying to take away from anyone who can relate to anything I write, but do write from my own personal perspective. So, likewise, I did not mean to offend anyone, and if I did, I apologize. PTSD has many different "avenues" by which it can manifest. From car accidents, to accidents in general, to combat, all these avenues can lead to the ailment. The ailment gives off the same symptoms, no matter which route was taken to contract it.
Nice to meet you, see you around.
None taken amigo! We are all sick and suffering in some way. Some are just better at hiding it. Anyone that claims to have it all figured out is a liar. We need more authenticity here and you seem to fit that category for sure. Welcome
Very well written! I would imagine others will be encouraged by this too. Watching you go from one success to another, Deep and it's truly inspiring to me. Well fucking done.
How you put this into words to explain to the world I will never understand. This post deserves way more attention. Thanks Brother for posting this. You have made me emotional beyond words and this is all I can type right now.