"I can no longer be the me I think I am". That's interesting because when I think of that kind of realization, it is like suddenly finding myself caught up in something; some activity or involvement that starkly contrasted my routine, and which I had previously found it difficult to identify with on a "feeling" level. The paralysis may have been adjusting it's grip when I took what appeared to be spontaneous action. Bold because I slipped past the door before giving it much thought at all, so it seemed. But at some point maybe over time, that creativity had been working out how I'd manage the various other areas of my life in given situations, so feasibility had to some extent, already been factored in. It's a theory, an observation or a little of both. Either way, you prompted some self examination and awareness, so thanks.
I think when we choose not to avoid and distract our minds, our patterns are more often interrupted and we get a glimpse of something we are not sure about and our curiosity can start to excavate a little further. I have a sense that there is a type of world running through me that I am largely ignorant of but gaining access gives me the resources with which to face anything, at least psychologically and emotionally. Sometimes I feel it is just out of reach, sometimes I feel it was never there at all.