“I should be a more attentive mother. He shouldn’t have spoken harshly to me. I shouldn’t let the accounting books get behind. They should focus harder and get their act together. He shouldn’t have touched me like that. He should have touched me more....”
Really?!
That’s a damn lot of “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” going on in my daily thoughts. And this kind of thinking is the basis for all of our discontent.
Generally our feelings of guilt, angst, lament or regret are from these 2 words playing over and over again in our minds.
Let’s look at a few for example.
Sometimes my brain says, “I should be more attentive mom.” Okay, why and how? I’m giving about as much attention to my 3 beautiful children as I have in me with all our other stuff going on. They are well cared for and know they are loved. How would I, or my kids, benefit if I were more attentive? My brain chatters - “well, they might know they’re loved MORE, have a more stable base, stronger chakra 1 roots from which to go form and bloom strongly.” Maybe...? Or, maybe I am a good enough mother that makes them feel loved, but not wholly satisfied? And from that space of happy but wanting more they will search for and pursue their passions and their lovers to quiet unfulfilled longings? My “good enough” mothering may spark their life path or inspire their drive towards intense purpose and fulfillment. Who knows?
Another one... My brain chatters - “I shouldn’t let the accounting records get behind.” But I have before and did again last year. And I hate it. And it causes me pain and frustration. It causes other people pain and frustration. And FINALLY I think I’m sick enough of all that to make a change via better scheduling and/or shifting these responsibilities entirely off of me. So there. Ultimately neglecting the books brought enough pain to resolve the situation for the better. There really was no “should” here. Only what was. Only what is. Only facts. Only truths.
“And so it is...” is more true than, “it should be....”
What would happen if we could learn to drop the damn “shoulds” and just embrace what is?
What are the “shoulds” that your brain chatters? What would it be like if you could let even one of them go, and just be with what is?
i've added you to my auto voter seeing as i'm reading your stuff more and more, it's some of the best authetic writing out there on steemit and thank you for the recent upvote. that was very kind.
Your compliments made my morning. Thank you for putting me on auto vote 🙏🏽, and REALLY thank you for what you say about my writing! I just write the truth what’s on my mind.
I like your blog much as well. You talk about crypto happenings enough that I get a little update, but it’s not all super technical to where my eyes glaze over. You keep it relatable to life and your blog certainly has a human touch with your stream of consciousness approach. Great to cross paths here. 🤗
i believe you meet who you are meant to meet ;) and maybe i hurried that along too. being a ground sign (capricorn) i can totally relate with the sea energy even if it's not land locked! :) have a fantastic day! :) -- added you to steemify as well so i get updates! :)
In my humble opinion, these "shoulds" and feelings of guilt are often self imposed. I used to get extremely worried about things and all the shoulds in my head... now that life has given we a few good wake up calls, my attitude is a lot more relaxed.
As for being a better mom, or parenthood in general, I have to giggle, when I see and hear the people today, compared to my own childhood. Some of these people around here, guard their kids every minute of their life. I heard a woman on a radio show, who asked if she could leave her child alone, when she had to go to the bathroom... isn't that absurd?
When we came home from school, our mom saw us for lunch. Homework done and off we were to have our own adventures. When it got dark, we came home for dinner... ultimate freedom! But we also had a deep trust, that when we needed our parents, they'd be there. No matter how one handles "family", there can always be a should. But why should it be there? As I have said before, you appear like a great family and I'm sure you all love each other very much.
If I ever have a "should have" today, I tell myself, I can't change the past anyways but I take it as a reminder to do things in a way, that there won't be another "should have" in the future. And if it still comes up, I think... I did the best I could in that situation 😎
And hey... none of us are super human, so its ok to give oneself a break too every now and again 😇
Oh god... bookkeeping. Yeah, I hated that to and always procrastinated to the limit. One of the worst aspects of my job. The solution is, that I now pay someone to do it. Some of the best spent money ever!
So yes, absolutely.. drop the damn “shoulds” and just embrace what is
This is exactly what i do too
Why bother about the past?
Move on and make things better
👍
Take care of your family They are everything
GOOD MAN
First of all you look great, i almost couldnt stop admiring you, mother of three you say? Omg you look amazing. Nice post, the shoulds rubbs us off our enjoyment of the moment. Lets be with what is. Nice legs😊😘
This lines are what really interested me, the success or otherwise of your husband and children can reflect on how successful or otherwise they become. My mom has been very instrumental in the lives of MY siblings and i too, all we do is make her proud. Thank you for sharing this MA, I love your daughter, so pretty .
my mom and I
The picture shows and explains everything Wonderful picture of a wonderful family ,You have 3 sons and they are still beautiful ,
Behind every great nation is great education
You are truly a great mother and do not forget as well as the Father @sean-king
i hope you like this work
Family is all we have your family loves you and you love 'em keep this between you guys @sean-king is a good father and you are a good mother
I posted yesterday a post about children feel free to take a look
My last post about you guys
really wonderful moments @steemed-open this is the first time i see your blog, i follow all your works photography its amazing. i'm still new on steemit, i am very fond by art, i have shared some works of my dad in one of my publication can you see it and give me your opinion! i'll be glad to have your support
@sean-king @steemed-open
great family, where member love and support each other
you have own unique struggles, but what makesyou stronger are the ways in celebrate the joys and living together
you look really gorgeous amazing shots look really sweet family
You look so young even though you have three big children. What is the formula of staying young :)
If you have a time you can visit my page and check my works. It will make me happy. I think you like my last photo taken by gopro. Maybe @sean-king takes photo like that.
Have a nice day with your children...
initially you appearance brilliant, i nearly couldn't forestall admiring you, mother of three you assert? Omg you appearance fantastic. high-quality put up, the should s rubs us off our entertainment of the instant.
good story ,, if brother want his son focus on work, and want discipline, brother must love lesson to child let sister live happy
You are looking very nice and like your tattoo. Your family is very good. Your husband look very gentle. Your dog also include in your family. I wish you all remain same. Your sons look like twin. are they twins?
how lucky to have a mother like you, you are a good mother who loves your children very much. I admire you. sorry if i am wrong to comment but i am really amazed with the love you give to your child.
really beautiful healthy women
Great post. And very true. We frustrate ourselves so often with what should be, only to fall short of expectations and feel guilty or depressed.
It kind of reminded me of the Royal We. Not sure if you have that expression in the USA but in Canada and I imagine the UK it's common (at least used to be). Imagine when someone says to you, "We should try to keep the yard cleaner" for example. What they really mean is you should do it. I'm sure there are better examples. Hopefully you know what I mean though.
Thanks. And I love the last photo on the beach. It's really what you should be doing... :)
Nice familly 😍may god bless your familly.
You look beautiful @steemed-open please tell @claraking that we miss her on steemit
Drop the shoulds. You are definitely doing a great job. From what I can see you have great and happy family. No body is perfect. Yes, we can always do better, but it is more important to learn from our mistakes.
Im seeing a beautiful family picture including Nico of course ;-)
I think the "shoulds" are part of our nature, i have a ton of these and most of it leads me to my frustrations. Yes it's painful but i do think that I needed it as well - im taking it as part of my life's challenges.
Maybe those "shoulds" are the ones that gave you the success in your life, right? It makes you pursue and achieve something out of it. But try not to push too much, ultimately we must still be satisfied on what we achieve :-)
Great insight to your thoughts Cindy. Thanks for sharing, it made me realize something that I need to accomplish today.
By the way, you have an awesome view of the sea right there. It should feel great to wake up with a view like that... oops there i go with the "should-ing" again ;-)
We can try at least nothing will be lost.
Thank you for sharing this post
I agree to that. as they say, nobody's perfect. And as a Mom, I can relate to that. But you know, it's only our kids who could tell and make us feel if we are the best for them. We sometimes judge ourselves not knowing that our family valued us. BTW your daughter is so pretty and your other son who stands beside your daughter looks like Robert Pattinson. :) God bless your family.
Many people embrace so many 'should's that they fail to appreciate the 'have's that are already present. This robs us of our happiness. We would be more happy if we concentrate more on the haves. Interesting post.
This is my entry with my son Ziyad in #sevendaysoflove
https://steemit.com/sevendaysoflove/@askmee/sevendaysoflove-my-son-my-soul-my-heart-my-eyes
Amazing family
I love your pics soo much 💝
Sometimes we can't help but take our minds to what we should have done, or what should have happened and who should have done what and we miss out on the reality of what is....
Nice reminder. It is good to not become stagnant, but letting the "shoulds" take hold will actually hinder growth. I had to do a lot of work to find the source of those different voices.
Was it societal? Was it based on comparisons? Did I receive that message as a child and accept that that is how it ought to be?
Whatever the source, those lies were not helpful and needed to go.
Keep up the good fight!
in my personal journey I have found that the more I fix or solve the better I become.
The should, would, could taking in the brain is painful, stresses you a lot and solves nothing.
Thanks for sharing and btw really beautiful family!
I think you are a very good and conscious mother.
you are very beautiful :) Your family looks really sweet.
a sweet family who knows where to act.
I got married more than 2 years ago.
Raising children is a job that really needs responsibility. you did so well!
we expect an improvement in our financial situation to make kids :)
maybe then I will share my family pictures like you :)
You have a beautiful family!! You should read the book The power of now by Eckhart Tolle. always live in present moment, carpe diem @steemed-open