Marky forwarded me this because he knows I love reading this sort of stuff. You dodged a real bullet there.
I'm not a fan of all this naming for mental health problems I'd rather doctors treated the individual rather than the illnesses. Anyway, maybe that's my bias.
I hear what you say though. I can't relate through my own past relationships but I can relate through illness itself. I was diagnosed as a Paranoid Schizophrenic 20 years ago. And thus, I've had my toil with the troubles she did.
What you experienced is common though. I do agree that perhaps you weren't able to fulfil that empty hole of abandonment like he was, but please take some consolation in knowing that if she doesn't work on it then she's going to do the same to him as she did to you.
Think of the brain in a way that it learns patterns. The stronger a pattern is, then the more someone that's experiencing it is going to look to fulfil that need. He has just done so with her strong need to fulfil the abandonment feelings - BUT, as soon as they relax and the honeymoon period is over and he is no longer crazily fulfilling that need anymore she will seek it from elsewhere.
Unless she cuts it out at the root. I know this because I did mine. It could be just talking over with a counsellor as to the reasons why you were abandoned and perhaps gaining a little understanding over it. This was the case for me. As soon as I understood it, and was able to explain it healthily to myself, then the needs and wants disappeared.
Alas, very few people make it this far, and it IS a hard old journey.
So, lucky you met this fate now, and not three-ten years down the line with maybe a child in tow.
I'm still sorry this happened to you though, no amount of my explanation can take the hurt away. I offer a little understanding, empathy, and perhaps a beer if I ever see you!
Someone better will come along :)
Hey Raymond, thanks for taking the time to write that out, and for sharing a bit about your previous times. My empathy levels have risen even more of late, mental issues of any kind are no joke at all.
I guess the more people that tell me 9 dodged a bullet, the more it'll sink in and be what I believe.
As far as I'm aware, she's chosen neither of us, and that's probably the best decision for her and I think another indicator that all is not lost and that she is aware of what needs to happen to live her life with control again.
Yes, this is the biggest aspect I believe - tough when it relates to parents and religion. I don't really want to say much more about this aspect, but may head to discord at some point for a chat.
Thanks again, a good evening to you.
Please feel free to! DM me at any time. I have a few thoughts on that also.
My abandonment issues stem from high anxiety, neuroticism, and living in a single parent family. All healed now, but it was a helluva jounrey! Haha.
In all honestly? She made a good decision.
When I was healing and working on myself I holed myself up in my house for 2 years. Apart from work. But yeah, great decision :)