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My world seems to be fraught with people that have strong opinions about how everyone else should live their lives. They don’t suggest as much as demand compliance to the new world order they believe is the right path. Their social media influencers, some of which are now politicians, have convinced them that compromise is weakness, or wokeness, or any other demeaning word they wish to inflict.
I’m not a fan of that by any means. Their bullying and intimidation has no place in humanity. But I do agree with them on one thing: compromise is not the best course of action. Instead, I recommend that you start from collaboration.
Collaborate and compromise mean very different things!
Compromise implies concessions of things you may value or don’t want to give up, but have been convinced to give for the sake of settlement. Compromise is lowering your standards for the benefit of others without any personal gain.
In a perfect world, compromise doesn’t sound like a bad thing. It can be the greatest altruistic gift. Some have been raised to believe that this is what makes the world go around, and it may suit our personalities well. Many women are raised to believe that it is their role in life. Freely choosing compromise is fine. I object when people are asked to compromise on an inequitable level, solely for the sake of others.
Often, that occurs because of power dynamics. Of one person having more social status, or street cred, or financial power. The other(s) give into the dominant’s desire because they fear the wrath that could be exerted. They feel like they’re getting the best bargain possible, given the circumstances.
On the other hand, collaboration implies that you work together in an equitable way that is mutually beneficial. Anything that you give as a part of collaboration is done willingly, and never permanently, unless you choose it to be.
The social capital that you have built for yourself remains yours.
It can be difficult to approach interactions from collaboration when the other party or parties are assuming or demanding compromise. So, make it clear that what you’re offering is collaboration. By doing that, you convey that you know of and value what you bring to the situation. It’s an approach that says you understand why others need what you can offer, and that you know the value of it as well. It’s a far better position to negotiate and come to terms from. Recognition by others that you know your worth is a powerful acknowledgement of what you’ve achieved and are capable of.
I was listening to an interview with WNBA legend Sue Bird. Sue is considered one of the greatest female basketball players of all time, and the teams she has been on have won 2 NCAA Championships, 4 WNBA championships, 5 Olympic gold medals, and 4 FIBA World Cups. When the interviewer asked her about superstar skills vs. team success, and how she draws out the best from her teammates, she answered that a team of five of her would be awful. Too many similar egos and expectations, starting with her own. Successful teams are built to provide all of the traits and talents needed to win, molded into a cohesive unit. They require a leader who can enforce collaboration for the success of the team, while acknowledging unique talents and abilities each of the five players possesses.
Your skills, traits, knowledge and experience make up the unique you that you work hard to create and nurture. When you collaborate instead of compromise, you acknowledge that those are yours to share as you choose.
When everyone collaborates, the greatest outcomes become possible.
The book “Good To Great” talks about the importance of choosing who will be part of your team, and how the greatest talent in the world means nothing if you can’t collaborate. I’ve lived through this in my career. Seen the turmoil caused by the “golden child” who was going to lead us all to rewards and riches, but lacked collaboration skills. It never worked out, because they had already decided what right and wrong would be, and demanded compromise from the others towards their vision of right or wrong.
A favorite quote of mine reads as such:
“There is no limit to what a man can do or where he can go if he doesn't mind who gets the credit.”
Collaborative efforts, with the right leadership, are powerful human forces that provide the best growth opportunities and recognition elements for all involved, and will make your light shine its brightest. So from now on, think collaborate, not compromise.
Image source: https://depositphotos.com/home.html?qview=77376800
If you start with collaboration you will quickly ascertain which strengths are needed most from all those brought to the table. Prioritise those and sometimes we end up compromising positions that we discover were not as important as we had thought they were in the beginning. Other times, the collaboration highlights just how important and non-negotiable those values and viewpoints are.
Great article!!!
I dropped in from Dreemport this evening.
#dreemerforlife
Thank you for your comments. Your right in your assessment. It also clarifies any assumptions over skills, and exposes what skills may be lacking. I've had many instances where people assumed a person came with certain skills. In the venture capital world it's known as "Fail Early", where investors want to know that you can recognize and manage risk to know when a change of course, or a complete shut down, is the right action.
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Great post, Bobby. I have a couple of books to add to my "Someday I Really Need to Read List" now! I hadn't thought about compromise versus collaboration. You are right, though. We are often told that in order to get along, we need to compromise, which is portrayed as a noble stance to take, a taking of the high road, if you will.
The two are actually quite different, as you pointed out. Thank you for the post; I always love picking up gems like this.
Fabulous post!!!
and i love that quote hahahaha
I think you know I'm quite fond of collaboration! hehehe and I feel the same as you with influencers and compromise and forcing people to cater to other opinions!
I saw some of the most ridiculous articles today online - of people whining over not being recognized for their tiniest whims and preferences. It's so annoying to me that we are entering this era where everyone needs to be recognized and elevated, just to feel special.
What happened to simply doing great things and being recognized for that? hahaha
I feel like we've compromised our standards as a society into catering to every possible personality trait!!! sheesh.
i think i digressed hehehe but love this post - love your viewpoint!!!
Thank you for your comments.
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You have just given succinct definitions of both words. Collaborating is like knowing your value but with compromise, it is as if you don't know your worth and just want to wash it down so quickly. In relationships with other people, collaborating is the best option than compromise. Thanks for sharing.
#dreemport
You're welcome. It's just as powerful in my personal life and relationships, conveying a combination in valuing myself and boundaries while being open to learning others.
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That's so great.
I have always considered compromising as a way of respecting other people's opinions, Some sort of necessary sacrifice for the greater good but then from the way you analysed both concept, it felt like compromising is a tool used by those who consider their opinion and path to be more significant than others.
If we all compromising on the same level for a purpose, then that makes us equals.
Compromising in a level playing field, with mutual, agreeable levels of respect and boundaries, are joyous collaborations for me, but still founded in collaboration first.
I'd also dealt with people who insisted on others compromising to their whims. I've agreed when there is enough potential value for me (recognition, street cred, money, "need the money", etc.), and have walked away when there isn't, or the boundaries / ethics disagreed with mine.
A key point of collaboration is acknowledging the skills, values and boundaries of everyone involved. If everyone is open and honest, it breed better communication, and thus a better chance of success or recognition that a change has to happen.