It was my last hike. I'd hoped the weather would be nice however sometimes one's expectations or hopes in life are not met; Life has a way of doing whatever it chooses at times so I had a choice of my own to make - Accept the day for what it was and make the most of it, or give in to the less than perfect weather and stay home. I chose the former, it was my last hike after all and I wasn't about to let some clouds and cold weather take it away from me - I'm not much of a quitter and more of a make it happen sort of guy.
I headed across the road to the recreation park and the twenty five kilometres of bushland tracks that awaited me; I wouldn't hike them all today but I looked forward to four hours of hiking - The crunch of rocks, leaves and twigs beneath my feet, the call of birds as they dart from tree to tree and the breeze whistling through the treetops, cool but refreshing. It was a good day after all, I was alive and I was hiking. I'll take it and be grateful, I thought and I placed one foot in front of the other and propelled forward.
Time stops
An hour later, half way up the steepest section, a long climb to the 170-year-old homestead ruins, my hike was brought to a halt buy a mountain biker who stopped me on the track. He told me someone had died ahead at the top of the trail. I thought back to the ranger who passed me a ways back leading an unmarked silver van behind his own four wheel drive. The coroner; It made sense straight away. The trail ahead was, understandably, blocked off and I'd need to find a different path to carry me forward.
I stayed and chatted with the mountain biker, a South African fellow from Durban of about 5 years my junior, and an hour later was still there with him talking about all sorts of things; It was quite enjoyable as he was intelligent, interesting and quite worldly having moved from South Africa to London and now Australia, which he loved passionately. He was a good sort, a family man and quite easy to talk about life with.
I had to keep moving though, this was my last hike after all, and so we shook hands and parted ways saying that we'll be glad to run into each other again up there, and on I hiked.
As I progressed I thought about the death, a man of about sixty years old apparently, and something the bike-guy had said. He'd made the point that the man had expired doing something he enjoyed, hiking in nature. It was an assumption of course because we would never know if he enjoyed it or just did it for health reasons but it sounded right. His wife was with him up there which is tragic for her of course, but it seemed a good way to check out: Nature, loved one beside me, birds singing, fresh air. It could be far worse, I've seen it be far worse, and putting aside the obvious distress at facing one's final moments I'd say it's a reasonable way to leave the world when time finally stops.
Seeing death
My mother died in a hospital bed, a palliative care unit, in terrible pain; She was unrecognisable to me, emaciated, eaten away and destroyed by breast cancer that went to secondary bone cancer. She couldn't talk, could barely breathe or move and...Her eyes. They seemed haunted, afraid. She clearly didn't want to go.
She was fifty nine years old - Only eight years older than I am now. She fought though, tough lady that she was, a fight that lasted several years culminating in that day at the hospital when I stood over her knowing her time was coming. It is something I'll not forget; The way she looked, the pain and fear in her eyes and the way I felt.
I lost my father almost a year ago, once again in a bed. He was in a nursing home with dementia, cancer, renal failure and other associated issues including an open wound on the top of his foot, his whole foot really. One could see the tendons through the wound. I have an image from the doctor but of course it's not appropriate here; It's horrific. He stopped eating on a Friday and was gone the following Wednesday. I authorised the doctor to increase his pain medication which I knew would accelerate his demise but also take care of the pain he was in. It did both.
I've seen death elsewhere, up close, however those two cases have a different meaning of course. Having said that though in every case one thing is common; Death has been very final for the person experiencing it. There's no coming back; When it goes dark it's dark forever, or such is my understanding of it; Sure other people may feel differently, but I don't know anyone that died and came back so can't ask them.
I don't fear death
It's true, I do not fear death; This doesn't mean I welcome or invite it although I've done some very stupid things in life that courted death. I'd rather it doesn't come knocking for a while yet but if it did I'd not know much about it, I'd be dead. I don't dwell on the prospect of my death, or death in general although am quite pragmatic about it, after all, everyone will die: Me, you and everyone we know, love and care about. Everyone.
What takes my focus is life. Living well, being the best version of myself and filling my life with experiences, love, emotions and feelings not things because things don't matter.
The good life
As I walked that day I thought about that fellow who had passed away atop that hill with his wife in attendance. I wondered if, at the end, he thought well of his life and that he had made the most of the time he had on the planet and lived a good life. I'll never know but can ponder the question in respect of my own life - And it's best to do so whilst alive.
I've never really been one to subscribe to the live now as you may be dead tomorrow ethos, I'm more about balance. I think of it as living now, with a forward-focus. It's not an equal balance of course, it ebbs and flows depending on circumstances, but in general my life revolves around seeking a few key things, those things I mentioned above: Living well, being the best version of myself and filling my life with experiences, emotions and feelings instead of material things. Let's add meaningful relationships also as that's important. There's a whole gamut of other things within that list of course, but that's them boiled right down to the basics.
I'm not sure what I'll be thinking when I expire but it may be something like, I'm not ready to go. But will it?
What if I'm in pain and just want it to end? What if I have no life partner or people in my life and am of an advanced age? I have no dependants so maybe I'll welcome it. It's probably very difficult to come up with a definitive answer to what I might think at that time but I'm very clear about life and that's what counts whilst we still have it I think.
As I get older I think more about wringing the most I can out of life; I guess maybe a byproduct of the loss of time, the understanding that there's more of it behind me than in front. I don't lament that lost time though, just value whatever time I have remaining; An unknown period of course but a period in which I'm good-life focused!
Sometimes I wish someone had beaten me around the head as a twenty year old and made me understand that life simply doesn't last forever but I guess we all have no choice but to learn through experience and time; Inefficient as it may be. It's like that quote by playwright George Bernard Shaw, "youth is wasted on the young." As a fifty one year old I think I'm qualified to say, legit bro, I feel you.
My last hike
As I hiked around that day I had time to think about my life, the history, the present and the future and whilst the future is indistinct and somewhat shrouded in mystery, I came to the conclusion that the past and present was, and is, well-lived; A good life.
Have I been the best version of myself possible? Hmm, a tough question - I'll say no not always though as I've done some bad things in my life. Do I hold regrets? Some, yeah for sure.
Have I generally lived a good life and been a good man though? I'm going to answer yes I have. I wish things went differently in some cases, even now in my present, but overall I can't be too disappointed with my life so far; That's what I thought as I hiked, along with the operation I was having a couple days later, the reason it was my last hike for a while.
The future is largely an unknown for most of us and for me that makes it more important to have a life-focus on those things I mentioned above a couple times - It's that focus that will one day allow me to leave my life behind forever and accept my inevitable death.
I really hope that chap on the hill felt the same, that he lead a good life and was content to expire with his wife along side him surrounded by nature and in relative peace. No one will ever know of course but every single one of us knows we will die at some stage and in my humble opinion that brings a great opportunity; The opportunity to live well I mean, to live the good life.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised so be humble and kind
Discord: galenkp#9209
Image is mine.
Some unexpectedly memorable events on your hike 😳 seemed like it was enjoyable as well as great for clearing out the brain?
The hike was good and anything that makes me think and reflect is always valuable.
Death and dying is a subject we all avoid.
Dr Elizabeth Kübler-Ross has written much about the subject and initially was almost shunned by her colleagues back in the 70s when she was spoke out about how dying patients were left on their own, but she eventually brought about revolutionary changes in palliative care.
I've lost very close family to sudden deaths; my brother to suicide at 26, then years later my dad from an aortic aneurism followed by my 2nd youngest brother just 3 months later from a heart attack at 42. Both of them were still active and seemingly fit.
Then 10 years ago my youngest uncle who was like a brother and my closest confidante, was murdered.
Naturally I wanted to know more about this thing called death that no one likes to talk about so I did a lot of reading.
Dr Raymond Moody wrote a book Life after Life after studying patients who had near death experiences, this was an eye opener and very comforting to me.
I don't see death as a morbid subject anymore.
Of course I would not want to suffer a long drawn out painful death nor be a burden; my father got his wish and although a shock for us, it was the best way for him to go.
Likely the same with this gent who died on that hike.
One thing I believe is that we need to live this life to the fullest and try to make the best of each day and not waste it on trivial things. @ericvancewalton said it so well in his awesome blog on embracing silver and I quote:
I read somewhere once that our date of birth and death is nowhere near as important as the dash- that which happened during the period in between those dates, and that has stuck.
Oh boy, I've almost written an entire blog here but this subject popped up just the other day when @angiemitchell wrote about the loss of a family member.
Keep on hiking;)
I used some of her stuff in a post about killing only a few days ago, in relation to the steps one goes through when dealing with death. The post was not about that though.
I think that until one deals with death personally it's difficult to understand, and even then it's not easy. We will all have to deal with it though and to me it doesn't make a lot of sense to ignore it - That seems like denial to me and none of us can deny death. A person having to deal with the sudden loss of a person can be incredibly difficult though; This has happened to me in pretty tragic circumstances which, by your comments, you have an idea of yourself.
As you say it's the space between birth and death that matters and so it's best to focus on that, which is what I do as per my post.
Thanks for your comments.
Well written and very introspective here Galen. It is said, let the dead bury the dead as we simply have to go on living and as you said, seek self improvement every day. Death is inevitable, but again a waste of time to tob on it continuously.
In my own way, having seen death many times and almost departing this planet on a few occasions, I have simply decided to follow my heart and it led me to be very gainfully employed. Not in riches, but in the rewards of helping others.
So be it and peace to you on your road.
Thanks mate, was just how I was feeling today and often just type it straight out of the noggin.
Best to live life whilst we have it, to be our best selves, humble and kind where possible and deal with adversity as best we can right?
Thanks for commenting, I know this post will be difficult for most to comment on. I appreciate yours.
Now you can see what the electrical blackouts do to us here mate.
We, or at least I miss messages.
Most often when we type out of the noggin, we are surprised at the contents. Especially if it's of a personal nature and your post seems to have stayed in my mind, as today a few instances brought up some old incidents in my thoughts. Sadly not very good incidents, but such is life.
We are currently under attack in one of our projects, as the one trainer was lashed by a stingray on her right calf and they cannot stitch it before all of the poisen is out.
Then the replacement trainer tripped and sprained her right ankle this morning.
So as to your question about dealing with adversities, oh yes, we simply carry on as best we can.
It was only a pleasure to comment and glad that you appreciated it.
That sting ray thing could have gone differently. Remember Steve Irwin, called the Crocodile Hunter by many? He was killed in 2006 when he was pierced in the chest and the barb penetrated his thoracic wall. Once the heart is pierced one simply bleeds out I guess. Your trainer is fortunate.
Oh yes, I remember Steve Irwin and that unlucky story.
She is lucky, but struggling to heal and they keep her on anti-biotics.
I have been stung by some blue bottles, but they are nothing compared to the rays. Dangerous.
So many things in the ocean that can cause a bad day huh?
Hahaha, yeah, the sea certainly holds a few very painful surprises.
But so does land as one of our fence's Bougainvillea thorns pricked me again today and now my arm is burning like fire. I stick my camera though it to take photos of the mountain peaks.
Yeah, definitely time stops. And this unexpected event can be as impressive as witnessing how an interesting post like this has got so few comments after 3hrs of its publication on a Sunday.
As for the rest of the story, yeah, no wonder we all constanly and continually are hiking our way ahead with just a tiny lamp in hand to barely try to illuminate our journey. };)
It's nice to have a bit of light on the journey right? If we fuel it with the right things it can get brighter too.
That's exactly what we try to do everyday, everyday my friend. Always in an endless method of essay & error. Given that we are not omniscients nor clairvoyants, we tend to fuel it with everything and whatever we find along the road. Some stuff burns well other not so well as to keep the "machine" working. But nevertheless, It is precisely these different choices that bring aboard the useful experiences of what works or not that really spice up and give authentic flavor to our lives. :)
Well said leaving nothing to add here. Thanks for your comments, I appreciate it. ✅
You know what, I had to think of my neighbor who passed last week when reading your thoughts. He was 84 and the last year was tough for him. But when he died he was at home, his son and wife where there. He was not in a hospital room. I really hope that the man who passed on the trail was in good spirits when he did. The ones left behind suffer but for him it may have been the best. Or now a crazy twist his wife killed him with one of the living weapons crawling around your country ;).
I thought you might think of your neighbour if you happened to read this post. It's the ones who are left behind that tend to suffer most and I've had my fair share of being left behind.
It's ideal to think the deceased was at peace at the end, in good spirits or happy with the life they have lead but we'll never know really. It's best to just live one's best life and mitigate the risk of regret at that moment.
Thanks for reading.
Wonderful read @galenkp and an equally wonderful life-philosophy, one that I share for the most part. I'm sorry for the passing of your parents. I lost my dad in November to Covid and am beginning to realize it's something you never really get over but a scar that's just with you until your own end. Death is a part of life that the young are sheltered from, mostly, due to their own perceived invincibility. I didn't realize the extent to which that was true until mid-way through my forties. I enjoyed this very much, thanks for writing it!
Thank you Eric, I really appreciate the comment, and you taking a read in the first place. It's a lot of words and I never expect people to read my posts so thank you.
A covid-loss would be difficult to accept I think, especially since it's something that should never have happened in the first place. You're right, the loss of someone close like a parent is something that tends to stick around. Having said that though, in time it scars over. I like to say, the departed are not where they once were, they are everywhere we go as we carry them in our memories. I believe it's a nice way to think.
The young...Don't get me started Eric. 😆
Still, I was young once, as were you, and it's a journey I guess. The feeling of invincibility has allowed me to do certain things that were required, difficult things, and so there's some degree of benefit but in respect of ignoring one's own (eventual) demise...I think it can lead to wasted time. In my 20's I hardly thought about the fact I'd be old one day.
I became a totally different man at 32, probably the man I always was but was quelled through necessity. I was better though. Lived better, treated people better (myself included), and I began to settle into the feelings of having gained some wisdom, which in truth I believe started happening around 28. Now, best-life-focused is the key for me - I I get it done.
Thanks so much for your kind comments and for sharing your story. My condolences for the loss of your dad.
You're welcome @galenkp and thanks for the condolences!
Seems like your hike was full of surprises, good and bad, yes death isn't a nice thing to experience especially your love ones. Glad you had a good hike though. Continue to explore and embrace life each day.enjoyed reading your post @galenkp it made me happy and sad.go well and keep safe. Thank you for sharing.
Life is there to be lived I guess right? It's taken away at some point and for most of us we don't know when that is. I suppose that should give people the impetus to live their best version.
Thanks for you comment.
Absolutely @galenkp life is what you make it. Have a great day.
While walking or hiking, it is the best time for me to review my life..
Hiking is a good time to think and reflect.
A very productive walk that helped him to evaluate his life, at the beginning of the reading I thought it was a fictional story where the characters did not exist, I changed my mind when he mentioned the story of his parents, I already knew the process he lived with his father but not with his mother.
Is she close to having an operation? The anxiety of going into the operating room makes us reflexive and nervous, if so I wish you a speedy recovery and to continue to be an important part of the hive.
I've been away from your weekends but I'm not forgetting @galenkp. Thank you for sharing your profound thoughts of life and death.
Thanks for taking a look at my post and taking the time to comment, it's greatly appreciated.
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Since the big crash late in 2016. I have been darker in my thinking. More expecting the end, rather than pondering what will it be like. As this post by you does.
I am currently clawing and scratching to pull myself from the abyss of death that seems to be enveloping us lately.
Good Stuff as usual tho. It can not be all puppies & kittens and warm sunshine can it..?
Just some thoughts is all mate, sometimes it happens. 😀