I watched a funny little video a while ago where a guy finds the phone number for an old teacher he never used to like. He calls him up and tells him who he is. The teacher remembers him and even remembers the school report the guy brings up where the teacher wrote that he'd never amount to anything. At which point the guy says, "Well I just thought you might be interested to know that you were right."
I had to laugh at the time, but it got me thinking, what exactly would be defined as amounting to something? Do we have to be famous, or just have made an impact on those around us? Did the woman who cooked large batches of food and took it to feed kids in poor areas amount to something if she didn't achieve anything else in her life?
I once had a conversation with a lady where we discussed what intelligence encompassed. Are you only intelligent if you get good grades in school, or is that amazing cake maker who does incredible celebration cakes just as intelligent despite not achieving high grades at school?
My sister has a PhD, so she has the title of Dr. She has always done well academically and I've always looked up to her. I could never figure out what I wanted to do in life myself, though. For a long time I thought of myself as a failure, yet she never saw me that way. She sometimes envied what I had in life. This year she turned 50 and her career is not the most important thing in her life and I don't think it ever has been for long. She has never been married and has never been successful long term in relationships. Life can get very lonely for her at times. So she has achieved the things that society seems to rate as being what makes you amount to something, but it didn't bring her happiness and security. Her ballroom dancing and cake making are the things that give her a feeling of accomplishment.
We have a tendency to judge people's success and status on whether they have been awarded accolade from other people. After all, we all want to be acknowledged and praised. My daughters did dance and competitive gymnastics. They won medals and trophies and I can remember the excitement and high they were on when they received those accolades. Yet it wasn't long before those medals and trophies went in a box with the buzz of the win long over. What they gained in the long run from their time doing these sports is what they learnt from the training. The knowledge that nothing comes from nothing and hard work and perseverance can get you a long way.
I've seen many parents who seem to try to get their sense of achievement through their children. There were always groups of parents at gymnastics training who would be boasting about how amazing their kids were and that inevitably led to them bad mouthing other kids to either feel smug about their low ability or out of jealousy. I spent most of my time sitting alone because of these types of mums, until one day when I met a mother who brought a group of us together who would rather just chat and socialise without that kind of negative vibe. We had a lot of laughs and it made the coaches smile too.
Now this has got me thinking about all the people I've met and gotten to know in my life and I wonder if I could say of any of them that they amounted to nothing. I really can't, but is that because I'm so low down that scale myself or maybe I just don't have an answer or even the qualifications to set that standard. Perhaps it's a case of perspective and depending where you stand you view will be different.
Someone once said that we want our children to be amazing and do well in life, yet the reality is that they will most likely be mediocre. That's not a bad thing, though, the majority of the population is mediocre. Only a few people can stand out, because if we all did, then no-one would be standing out any more. For the most part, those who love their kids are always proud of them whatever. I hear so many parents wax lyrical about their adult children and how wonderful they are, even when it's just to say how loving, kind or hard working they are.
So what about you? Do you feel there is a standard that meets "amounting to something"? Do you feel like you amounted to something yourself, or do you even care?
🌄Good morning! ☕ 🙂
What an interesting and thought-provoking post @minismallholding. How "high up the list" of important issues in our minds is what others think of us? And whatever we think that may be, whether we should give that any credence whatsoever ...
Personally (my typical ... "contrarian view"), I do not place that much importance in it, but I have been around people whose very life seems to depend upon on it. Sadly (in my view), as it seems to hold them in some sort of "bondage" from which they can't seem to ever be free ...
A key word for many? Success!! Yes, well then, what is their definition of this ... "important" ... word? And who defined it? Based upon what? The "pride of life" answers of most can be safely (and are best) ignored ...
I liked this. Both that you helped your daughters discern / derive what was of greater importance in their accomplishments. As well as noting the many people we all know who seem to live through their children ... Trying through them to achieve something they (often the case anyway ...) never managed on their own ...
Loving our children unconditionally is a very noble accomplishment, if we can get anywhere close to that, as no one is perfect. If we can focus on leaving that behind as our legacy, I would suggest that we have "amounted to something" and can, therefore, be at peace. No matter what ...
I feel like this, along with @deirdyweirdy's quote about friends has hit the nail on the head. My friend's ex husband has shattered every relationship he ever had, friends and family alike. It's kind of sad, because his narcissism has likely arisen from child abuse, but he had plenty of years to try and heal from that and become a decent person.
My sister's life experiences have had a big impact on how I tried to guide my children. My eldest particularly is like her; a high achiever. She is even currently doing a PhD. 😆 I always feel uncomfortable telling people that, because it feels like I'm boasting, but she just loves what she's doing and that's the most important thing for me. I don't really understand her work, but she loves telling me all about it.
She actually came to me for advice on what path to take when she was completing her degree. Initially she was thinking of doing a medical doctorate so she would have more control/decision over any future experiments and of course a higher income. However, she was loving the work she'd been doing in the lab and they were really pleased with the progress she was making, so they were trying to convince her to do a PhD and stay there. My advice was basically to take money out of the equation and choose whichever path she would enjoy the most and get the most satisfaction from.
Good job Mom! 🙏 I would suggest that is an important indicator of how ... "successfully" ... you've raised her. And ... Love your response!! 👍🙂
I could answer that I don't care. But that would not be true. The surface attitude of saying "I don't care" actually says the opposite. If I don't care that much, I don't need to emphasise it, do I? Some people respect you if you work or do something to change professionally or develop your skills. Others are jealous of it and don't say anything positive. No reaction at all is the worst thing people can experience. Everyone is dependent on resonance and to claim that one is not impressed by how one's environment reacts to achievements , I consider statements that are in vogue, a la "I have always been different", "I have never cared about the opinions of others" etc., but reflect more wishful thinking than reality. Real "otherness" is rare and no one can stand it for long because it makes you lonely. From old stories you know "the oddball" or the "crazy old biddy", but you wouldn't want to swap.
That's why I agree with you that it's superfluous to say that someone hasn't made it. It also says more about the person saying it than about the person being talked about. I also think that mediocrity is the norm and the opposite of the oddball is the genius or the outstanding artist.
Ones own achievements can be outstanding on some occasions but they are that way because the rest of the times they are not :) I wouldn't want it to be otherwise.
Hmm, yes, I suppose not caring also equates to apathy in a way. Perhaps it would have been better to ask "does it matter?" or "does it need defining?"
Absolutely and by the same token those who stand out do so because they are different to the average/mediocre person. Yet don't we just love the underdog! Those who suddenly stand out due to their persistence and hard work, despite what others thought of them. It's almost a testament to the fact that we all want to feel special and stand out at some point. Which would lead me onto a whole other topic I could write about if I could find the time. 😅
Right, I was merely provoking a bit with my answer ;) "Does it need defining?" would be my choice:)
I would want to separate the result or the work from the person. People are rarely the perfect ideal, but their work can excite or provoke you. To the extent that I love the outsider, I love the part of myself that identifies with being an underdog. Hard work can be successful, but often it is not. I have found that I can succeed with "easy work". Not because it was easy in the strict sense, but due to the fact that I experienced a moment or phase of spontaneous artistry that led me to an excellent work result. Experienced this many times, the less effort and trouble I put in, the better the work was received. HaHa! But no sooner had I put a lot of time into the design, the presentation etc. and thought that such things must be successful, than I was proved wrong. Strange how sometimes the expectation and the result of how people perceive the work results can differ.
I just experienced it again with a project. My husband said, "Oh, just play around a bit without wanting to have the perfect result right away." I followed his advice. As is so often the case, I was much happier with the result myself and sometimes I think how much energy and time I spend and then realise that it wasn't paying off in terms of sales or popularity. However, if you take the entire duration of your life and what you learn, poorer work results are part of the process and ultimately contribute to success elsewhere.
Maybe some day :)
Judging or 'rating' people on their 'achievements' is very immature. I believe those people fail to grasp the real significance of life!
I lost my hubby recently and am very proud of his achievements, not in a boastful manner, but mostly proud that he remained humble, and made time for everyone.
It used to amaze me how he knew the car guards (yes, we need them in SA) by name and would speak to them with respect, whereas the majority of people look down on them!
The number of people from all walks of life who came to his memorial service, was testament to a life well-lived, characterized by selflessness.
Your blog hit the nail on the head!
I'm so sorry to hear you lost your hubby. He sounds like he was an amazing man. Those who show love and respect for everyone in every walk of life probably the most deserving of admiration and respect themselves.
My friend recently lost her husband at just 57 years old. They are both beautiful people and the memorial was a crowded as I expected. Many of us only got to see it through live link, too as we're scattered across the country and world. Souls like this are taken far too soon and the world needs more of them.
I'm sorry for only responding now @minismallholding, appreciate your kind thoughts.
Awe that is so young! My heart goes out to her, I never ever realized losing a life partner would be this heartwrenching!
He was an amazing and very special man!
So many questions, mixed feelings, emotions swinging between acceptance and despair, and extreme sadness, it's very confusing!
No apology needed. I can only imagine how it must feel and that's bad enough. My heart aches for both of you.
To quote Clarence in 'It's a Wonderful Life'...No man is a failure who has friends.
I was staying with a good pal recently when a carpenter friend of hers arrived on a Sunday to fix her bocketty front door. When I remarked to him how decent he was to do it he replied, 'I'd do anything for Rose and there are many others who feel the same' Now that's what I call amounting to something.
That's gorgeous! I'm kind of envious of her to be that well loved. I have a friend like that, although she having a rough year at the moment, but so many people are there for her. I struggle socially, so I mostly just disappear into the background.
It's a loaded concept I think. To keep people down and feeling shit about themselves by what are essentially snobs. One of my friends is quite dim but he has a sort of predatory eye for a deal that means after many years of fucking and diving he has a company that employees 5or 6 people and die quite well out is it. On the other hand I have a friend who got a master's degree and now is a complete jobless stoner. Who's to judge!
Maybe doing the master's degree drove him to it. 😆
How many successful business people have stories similar to your other friend? No school qualifications, but highly successful all the same. I do think the education system can end up marginalising an awful lot of people who are intelligent in different ways to their cookie cutter approach.
Totes agree. It leaves too many behind. Fortunately the people out leaves behind have often got the gumption to pull themselves forward anyway!
As long as they don't believe it when they're told they're not good enough.
Good questions. I also sometimes ask myself these. Related to this, what are the reasons people do what they do? Are people in that hamster wheel of life (9 to 5 jobs, etc.) because they like it so much or because society/circumstances demand it? If they do it for money only (I assume most do), then are they not just better slaves? And if you amounted to something in that process, what is it worth? A slave medal like "employee of the month"?
Humans are herd animals, and probably the most are more happy by being slaves and getting praised for it by society, than being unadapted mavericks, but true to themselves.
I was literally just having a conversation with my mum along this vein. Since having children I've been lucky enough to be supported by my husband so I could raise and homeschool them. Most of the jobs he had have been pretty crappy environments to work in, however. He's struggled to find work for over a year now, though, so I've had to go back into the workforce. I'd rather not, but I'm actually quite grateful for the company and work I've ended up in. It's getting rare to find employers who actually care about their workers any more, but mine do and the clients are lovely. When they aren't, my employers back me up, as does my co-worker.
There are few people who end up doing fulfilling jobs. I guess it's scary actually being true to yourself; so much easier to just file the herd.
You reminded me of an encounter on #steem where I was asked to leave the platform, because my English writing is not matching with US/UK standard. It was my initial days. But irrespective of such feedback I am still flowing as I am enjoying whatever I am doing but I didn't find any trace of the commentator.
I don't care of such rubbish. I did gave strong replies to some of my critics in personal life too. Every humans are answerable to themselves and they have to look for themselves rather than caring of what others saying....
Well I'm glad you're still around. I don't get time to read as much as I did, but I used to enjoy your posts and our chats.
I think there were a few people like that at one point. That's arrogant coming from native English speakers who rarely even speak other languages anyway. Hive now has a lot more writers who don't have English as their first language, so hopefully there are fewer people around like that.
I don't care. I don't care about leaving a legacy as what does it matter when I'm gone?? I won't even know. As long as you are a human being you are an amount of something. Worth something.
Be kind to everyone. Value everyone. We know this is good but yet we live in a world like this. Dumbass human beings we are.
Haha. I'm glad you don't care. I realised as I was asking those questions at the end that the answers probably don't really matter, hence the "do you even care?"
It seems that you amounted to something with this post. 🙂 I absolutely don't care about those amauntments to something in my or anybody's life, but I like a good post, so cool.
Haha, thank you. And thank you for the great image, it definitely made my post much better. 🙂
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