This is my first time sharing in the Family & Friends community. Today I am spending time with my biological dad after a while. These days, I just focus on making more money to cover his hospital expenses while forgetting to actually visit him. So, today I made time to visit him. My siblings, my bio dad and I were often communicating via whatsapp as we are all scattered around the country. Although to be honest, my relationship with my biological family isn't as good as I'd like it to be just because I happen to have an annoying step mother.
The stepmother I have is the perfect picture of a step mother; mean, foul mouthed, only cares about her own children and so on. I mean, if you ever watched a disney movie or just any movie with step mother in it, you’d get me but if you don’t that’s basically it. Before marrying my step mother, my dad was overall an adventurous man, he was nice, polite, and generous. He likes to tell me about law, economy and politics because that was his expertise and tell me about his adventurous days. Although as a child, I just knew him as the cool uncle since I got adopted by another family.However, after marrying my step mother, he changed completely. He wasn’t the man I used to know. I guess he tried to move on from me and my siblings and since the last 7 years, we haven't had a good relationship anymore.
I still meet him intermittently just to know how he is and his condition. Until a few months ago, he was admitted to hospital and I really had to fly out from Bali because I had to see him. That incident now leaves him partially paralyzed and bedridden. I know it’s hard to care for someone who is sick but my step mother has been complaining a lot saying that his children aren't helping enough. My siblings and I have our own lives since we were all adopted and basically growing up without him. We already tried our best to show respect which I think I have the right to just leave and never look back. But I am not that kind of person. I really tried my best. At the same time, I also dealt with problems around my adoptive family who are currently on separation. I swear, it’s like I have the responsibility of a poor man in their 40’s with dozens of children. It’s not easy emotionally and financially.
Just like the usual when I visited my biological dad, he tried to show that he’s fine. As soon as I sat next to him, He started talking about the surge of oil prices and how he watched from the TV about demonstrations everywhere. He also asked me about Bali and how my visit to the beach and what I did lately. I told him that I am doing fine and he has nothing to worry about. Although from what I heard, my step mother keeps complaining that my dad “lost his mind” and “annoying as a child” My step mother also often lashed out and told him that she wanted to divorce him and said a whole lot of mean things to him.Seeing him tried to look fine and look normal made me sad. I of course couldn’t cry in front of him but after I left, it got me teary.
I also got him his favorite meal, sweet and savory fish. He ate a lot and my step mother said that these days he won’t eat unless it’s fish. I accompanied him until he finished his meal and since I had something to do, I left his place and told him that I’d come back later before I fly out of the country. I also told him not to think too much about me and my siblings because we are all grown up and can take care of ourselves. Maybe he regretted something, maybe not I don’t know but I was happy to see him crack jokes and smile. Sometimes I can’t visit him for long because my step mother complained and constantly told bad things about me and my siblings. Visiting him definitely makes me sad but also a motivation that I have to help him in a way I can. Maybe next time, I’ll share some tips dealing with step mothers or dealing with annoying families.
 | 𝘔𝘢𝘤 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘫𝘢. 𝘈 𝘵𝘺𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦, 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘰𝘱𝘩𝘺. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘫𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘺, 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭, 𝘯𝘰𝘰𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘴, 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘥𝘶𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘺, 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘺𝘭𝘦, 𝘤𝘺𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘴. 𝘐𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦, 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘷𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴. 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵, 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘱𝘷𝘰𝘵𝘦, 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘈 𝘳𝘦-𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥. |
I felt sad and seems my heart is breaking. I felt sad for your biological dad, he lost his great family with great children because of that step mother of yours. I felt sad for him because he never wins when he chooses that woman, imagine she wanted to have a divorce because your father is now sick? Why she would do that? Might be her love is not pure.
Please maintain connection with your dad @macchiata. He needs you in this time of physical, emotional and financial crisis of his life. Show your love to him despite of those long years not together.
Oh! I am teary eyed right now, I didn't expect this. I abruptly miss my father. Love your father and give time for him.
I couldn't really believe when she said that but it isn't really her first time. Maybe she was frustrated and exhausted but it was too much. She even went at length to compare my bio dad with her ex husband who passed away. I think my bio dad hold back a lot because he needs someone and this step mother is the only person who can take care of him 24/7. Thank you for your encouragement, have a lovely Sunday.
You're dad is suffering not just in physical but above all in emotional aspect. How i wish this step mother won't tell those words in front of your dad. It will be so heavy for him to hear those hurting words. But anyway, life must go on. Just do everything you can to help your dad.
You're an amazing human being.
You're an amazing human being.
I try my best.
Sometimes there are things that are out of one's hands. That's what you're going through right now. You're trying, but it's really too late to change things now. You're doing your best and your father knows that. Try not to care what your stepmother thinks and do.
Not caring is the most difficult thing to do so far but I know, I am not alone and one day this will all be over.
Deep down, there must be a bit of regret in his heart. You are a very kind-hearted person, Cem, to still visit and care about him.
Sometimes a bad choice can really give you a bad impact on your life. too bad that your step mother is acting that way. Just remember there will be time for her to reap what she sows. Stay strong Cem. Sending big hug
Yeah, I just hope nobody makes the same mistakes as them. It's pretty bad though and I learned the lessons from them. I think my step mother is really tired but she doesn't give me any choice to send my dad to hospice care or something. So yeah, I don't know. They think it was insulting that I wanted to send him to a hospice care.
It gotten quite complicated really. Yes taking care of a sick person can be tiring, but having a bad mouth isn't good either.
anyway, where are you heading out of the country?
Families are complicated business and sounds like yours is even more so with so many sets of parents. I guess it's difficult for your dad if your step mother doesn't like you lot, but he wants to be with her, and sadly that means he will have to make some difficult choices. However, judging by your conversations, he still enjoys the chats with you like when you were younger, that's nothing your step mom can take away from the two of you
hahaha yeah, it's really difficult sometimes dealing with plenty sets of parents. I also rarely met even almost never met someone with more than a few set of parents like mine. So, it's been difficult to find support group or even someone that actually gets it. The thing with my step mother is also complicated and everyone been telling me to just focus on my dad and just ignore her.
You're a strong and thoughtful daughter. Your father is very lucky to have you.🥰
I dont know but I think you're doing well in dealing with your stepmother. ☺️👍
😂 we all have that one difficult person in the family to deal with.
These things do happen most times when a father would love to his children but when he gets to marry another woman there will always be a problem and depreciating in the love which he has always had for the first wife children
Did you experience that? I think what you said is somehow true in my case and it's pretty sad but that's life.
Look who found you ☺️it’s me
I enjoyed the read and sincerely it left me with a lot of questions and emotions.
Thank you for being so kind and doing what you thought was right despite the situation, it takes a really big person to do what you and your siblings do.
Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed the read ☺️
😊 Thank you, I am also venting out my frustration because it hasn't been easy.
You are welcome 🤗
I hope things get better with your dad and with your family’s situation. I can relate to the life of having a step mother like yours. It helps that you mind your business and stay on your lane. On behalf of all internet strangers, I’m proud of you for being such a wonderful and caring person and daughter!
You have one too? is she nice or like the typical step mother out there?
Typical step mother. Mine manages to hide that pretty well though. But you can never really hide things like these.
I felt sad deeply after I finished your blog tonight. Your stepmother was literally the portrayal in the movies. But aside from that, I am wishing that your biological father will have a faster healing. I know it's hard to take care of him but extend your patience and love even more. You can do this @macchiata!
Ah yeah, I can't even remember any good deeds she ever done to me. All she did since I knew here was just telling me that I dreamed too big, not independent, etc, etc. It was insulting but I try to ignore and just focus on my bio dad, as you see, we never know when we could see them/spending time with them again.
Hello @macchiata and welcome to the community
I am reading and trying to put myself in your shoes and I see how strong the situation is especially from an emotional point of view. I have known of several cases of parents changing for the reason of a new relationship and I am sorry for what you are going through.
On the other hand, I think you are a very good person, to approach your father and stepmother after all, to take a plane and travel so far to visit them and receive bad words from the other person, I think is admirable, other people would just look away, but you keep your conscience at peace as you are doing the right thing.
A big hug
I just have to do what I have to do. There's part of me that just wants to help because I simply like extending my hands to someone who needs it. It wasn't easy to do all of that but to make peace and to leave me no regrets one day, I think I did the right thing.
Thank you for sharing your story.
I believe that everyone agrees that you are a very kind-hearted and strong person.
I'm really happy about what you've done for your father, despite everything you've been through. Just focus on what you think is good, don't drain your time & energy on that complaint from your stepmother.
Hope everything goes well!
Thank you. That's what I heard from everyone around me including my siblings. We were all hurt by her and at some point really discouraged about helping and contributing. But now, we try to just ignore her and just focusing on our dad's recovery.
You're still a good child despite all of that. I kinda feel sad for your Dad,too. he shouldn't be treated that by your step mom. I have a step grandma and she's quite a lot like that also -always nagging, a critic, and kinda selfish, so I think I can somehow relate on what you feel. We just don't mind her to avoid arguments or quarrels.
Wow, that must've been tough dealing with a step grandma. I don't know what is it about them but I rarely find them to be nice. To me, the nicest person would still be my adoptive mother and it's so interesting despite we don't share blood, our bond is quite strong. That's when I learn that sometimes family isn't about blood but those who help you grow and be with you when you need it the most. I also recently watched a Chinese drama with similar story like mine and it was quite dramatic too. It was also the closest thing I can relate on so far. Thank you for your encouragement!
So sorry to read all this unpleasant about your "family"! I real feel a smallnpart of your pain and disappointed for all these things, but thinks whatever pains us, make us stronger! You are a ninja nad you have moved forward! A big-big-big hug from me!
Yeah, it's what get me stronger and take me to where I am today. As without those pain, I probably wouldn't grow much.Thank you for the encouragement, have a great Sunday!
That's a lot to deal with for anyone, but it sounds like the stepmom is not a great person to be around for you if she doesn't respect you. Just keep doing the best you can. I'm sure your dad is glad to know he doesn't have to worry about you. Glad to hear he was in good spirits!
I don't know why but my step mom and bio mom aren't good person to be around. They both are toxic and after I see them, I just want to runaway and just travel somewhere 😅. Now I am only focusing on my dad and just hope for the best.
At some point we have to become our own people and that usually comes with the biproduct of being able to see our "elders" or parents as equal to us in some way. When that happens it gets a lot harder to excuse abusive behaviors. I still talk to my intermediate family but in general I've been "solo" for a while. I can respect them as people and understand that we all have our own paths to follow... there's no more bitterness or victimhood there... it just is what it is I suppose. I think they meant well and did the best they could, but they have this intense need to tell me how to live my life and that just don't work for me. On some level it's probably a good thing you figured it out early. You're a good few years ahead of me at your age lol.