When I began my climb out of years of drugs and alcohol, I told the people I was with in the VA Homeless Veterans Domiciliary program, that we were "Damaged Goods".
After all the crap I've done in my life, burning bridges, ruining family relationships, ruining my body with Drugs and Alcohol, I truly felt that I was broken. Still do most days.
I know, if you are religious you also know, that The Son was sacrificed to show that we are all WORTHY of forgiveness and happiness.
I just can't seem to find my way out of the dark, and lately has been especially bad.
Physically, I can't even do as much as I did last year, which is depressing in and of itself.
I do have a companion of sorts now, and His Majesty goes a long way towards making me feel better, but it just isn't the same.
My mind is filled with dark thoughts. Last night, in fact I have them right in front of me now, I considered putting on one or more Fentanyl patches.
72 hr timed released patches, in conjunction with some other meds I have, should put me to sleep on a permanent basis, but I'm not really ready to "check out" just yet.
But I am thinking about it, sadly.
I'd hate to leave His Majesty, but as cute as He is, I feel sure He would do just fine without me.
Prayers would be appreciated
A lesson I need to remember
Isn't that the truth? I can't tell you how many times things have seemed like they would never get better, that the sun wouldn't shine on my face any time soon.
And then, it did.
Waiting for it to pass is the hardest as you don't know when you will see the light again. One of the reasons I hang on to the threads of hope. So glad to see your blue skies once again.
I could hear you all the way up here! Hey, Jerry! @jerrytsuseer I am glad you write your thoughts out instead of carrying them around inside.
Your words touch my soul, and I am not just saying that, I really mean it. You are in my thoughts and prayers because I am still old school and get down on my knees to pray to our Lord. Do I think it is the only way? Heck no, but, it makes me feel like He will know how much I need it to count. I know. I know. I'm religious about it. No pun intended. Well, maybe a little. ;)
I'm rattling about because you are far away, in thought anyway. I know that you no longer have relatives that live around you, is that right?
I have a niece, basically my age who is about 4 miles from me, and I have a nephew about 12 years younger who is about 10 miles from me.
How lucky! Well it can be. Do you get to see them often?
Hi dswigle! I know you don't know me, but I've seen your comments all over this post and am inspired by how much you genuinely care and follow up with Jerry on all the topics you've discussed. The honesty flows through your words, and I hope you know that it's appreciated and frankly lovely to read.
As such, I'd love to invite you join the community I've created, FreeCompliments, which is intended to be used as a support for anyone who requests or needs it. Your quality help is exactly the type that I'm seeking for anyone who needs a word to bring them out of whatever darkness they're facing. I'd be honored to have you join as we're building it up into something that can potentially help a great deal of people.
A few of the kind people who commented on this post are already part of this new community. 😊
So wonderful of you to put him in your thoughts and pray for him. I know it means so much to him that he is cared for by people like you @dswigle right now.
Always helps to get it out and in a place like this, see that we would miss you. Ever needa vent, hop in a server and look for me.
Thanks, I really appreciate that
Right on @enginewitty! Same here.
You said you would hate to leave His Majesty and honestly, I am pretty sure he would feel it too. Mine won't. He loves me unless there is another person in the room that will feed him and pet him. My little kitty is a darling. She is a girl, and so much more affectionate. Plus, she doesn't have mouse breath. Ewww!
She is so soft and cuddly and I would like to think she wants/needs/loves me. I think everyone needs someone.
Anyway, I was thinking about you and now, of course, I better get back to #MarketFriday so I can get it done promptly.
Have a great night!
Denise
Hi Jerry! The always thoughtful @wesphilbin pointed me to your post.
Aren't we all "damaged goods" in one way or another? 😉 There is nobody perfect out there... we've all made mistakes, or had bad things happen to us that would ideally not have happened. It's just part of the human condition. As long as you're making genuine efforts to improve yourself, nobody in their right mind should be putting you down in spite of trying. Not to mention... you're a veteran who has already given a piece of himself that not many are willing or able to do, and I thank you for that.
Nobody can remove the darkness through which you've survived, but, at the same time, nobody can remove the fact that you survived in spite of the darkness you've gone through. Whenever those unavoidable dark days come about, let this be a a white key to break the persistent black ones on your inner piano.
For whatever it's worth, remember that I am proud of you as a veteran, as someone who continues to fight to better himself, and as someone who reached out for a bit of human kindness. And if you ever need help continuing to find the light in those dark days, that's absolutely ok, and feel free to reach out to me for the support. We rely on each other to grow - we're programmed that way! And yes, you are very much worth it. 😊
If you’ve enjoyed the content of this comment, the compliment, are feeling down and need a shoulder to lean on, would like to make someone’s day a bit better, or found an interesting post you’d like to share that you believe deserves a compliment, please join the FreeCompliments community. We welcome everyone with open arms. :)
I thank you for this @freecompliments , I will come look at that community. I often need a sound board, and of course I would like to thank the most outstanding @wesphilbin
You would be more than welcome there, and certainly an asset when sharing your experiences. 😊
Go Wes!
Much prayers are headed your way Sir.. 🙂🙂
Thank you
Prayers or I would better name them as "best vibes and thoughts", that I always send to you whether you feel them or not...
Dark times are there for us to appreciate, even more, brilliant sunny days. It's only a question of time and focusing on everything else that has some colour around you. Music also helps a lot dealing with this, doesn't it?
Did you know there's a band named "Damaged Goods"?
Sending you best regards and big 🤗
Thank you so much Pablo @drakernoise
I won't edit my comment, just correct me here, "Damaged Goods" it's not a band but a record label... sry for the mistake.
🤗
Hello dear friend @jerrytsuseer
We are all here to help and support you. I thank you for deciding to express it through writing and in the best way with us in Hive.
Whatever you feel you must express it, drain it, release it. You have nothing to reproach yourself for, nothing to complain about. Throughout our earthly existence we evolved, we did things, we made mistakes, it has happened to all of us, they are life experiences. It is important to reach this recognition in order to grow as people, but not as suffering.
I am glad to have this space that although virtual gives off affection and understanding, through the warm words of all of us who write and support you. All of us in support and support for you.
His Majesty is a robust cat, with a very good demeanor and from what I observe very playful. I already told you in another meeting that I have a kitten, a lady named Poli, she is affectionate and playful. My kitten Poli, arrived thanks to a friend at a difficult and momentous time in my life, I am very grateful for it. She was not wrong, Poli changed my life positively, I feel and perceive cats very spiritual, we are fortunate to have them with us. They are positive energy, they are very intuitive of our feelings. When I get home after a hectic and exhausting day, when I open the door there is Poli, with her purrs and caresses. She really revitalizes and calms me down.
His Majesty came into your life with the purpose of giving you his love and company, to fill you with positive energy and good vibes. To express to you that you are not alone and that life is beautiful. Do not return with your thoughts to a past that is already behind you, those scenarios and that person no longer exist. Close that space in your life because it simply no longer exists. You are someone else, live and enjoy your present.
We will always be here to listen to you, to dialogue with you.
Until another time.
Health and wellness to you, blessings.
Thank you @marilour
At your service 😃 ✨
Hi, Jerry. @jerrytsuseer I never told you that I am here if you need me. I guess I just assumed you would know that, because I am here, thinking of you, and of course, sad that life is overwhelming right now. I get busy in life at times and don't always say all the words needed, I think it is evident that many people are interested in and care about you.
I hope the morning has lifted your soul a bit, every little bit counts.
If you ever have a moment in life, just know you can always reach out to me. Even if you aren't having a rough time, you can always reach out to me. DM or Discord.
Hi Denise, I took these pics of my Ms Margaret Amaryllis a few minutes ago
This is a hybrid that my Mama, Margaret and I crafted together years ago
She's is gorgeously vibrant against the subdued sky. That's so cool, being able to create your own brand of beautiful like that!
What a wonderful reminder ❤️
Thank you my friend
That is me and mama
She's is lovely, especially with that sweet smile on her face.
I'm sure she would appreciate you saying so.
These are all the children of her body, her step kids (my half sibs by Daddy's first marriage) did not make life easy for her.
My brother Jim is not pictured here, and the one I had my arm around, my sister Bobbie is no longer with us
ALL are in poor health now, Nancy will be 90 this coming October
I do remember that quite a few of them were much older than you. I know that that makes it much harder for the family dynamics. That is a big family you had and Im sure it kept your mom busy. You know I come from a big family too. Some days, I wished I was an only child.... No! April Fool! I loved coming from a family big enough to havevour own baseball team.
@jerrytsuseer...
As you can see... there are indeed, many folks, who understand, as well as have your best interests at heart. You've known me long enough, to know I understand full well this story that you are sharing...
I know I broadcast a signal of love, positive energy, and thoughtfulness. But don't think for a minute, that I too, don't have day's that I just want to give up. But I pause... shake off this energy... Refocus... There's no such thing as a perfect world. Except maybe on one of those well known AI websites lol.
Look brother... I know sometimes, life can just royally suck. Between health issues, problems with all things technology (I'm going to start calling your pc "Christine" lol)... you see what I mean.
But there's more people than your realize, that like having you around. My other half and I, love you to death. So please... no more energy being wasted, on contemplating things such as this... the world is a better place, with you in it. How else will others struggling with these similar thoughts know there's a better way... if you aren't here to be that example.
As I finish my reply... look at all these comments... and when you get done reading all of them... just play this song...
Love and light, dear brother...
I'm happy that you wrote this...we don't know you personally but we care about you. I'm a Christian and I believe in prayer and I'll definitely pray for you, for healing where it's needed and that perhaps merely writing what you did helps in that regard. Hang in there friend.
@tipu curate
Upvoted 👌 (Mana: 45/55) Liquid rewards.
I, too, will be praying for you. Your cat needs you, and the world still needs you. God will take you Home when it's time. Since you're still here, He still has plans for you right here.
From one Vet to another, I understand dealing with demons. Although mine may be different than yours, we share a bond of experiences from our service I am sure. If you ever need to talk, I believe you have seen me on a couple of the Discord channels. You can always DM me, I will share my phone number and we can talk if you ever need to share talk about those demons sometimes. Like I said, I have my own, understand, and a good listener.
Semper Fi,
Joe
I didn't know that you were also a Vet (like Mr. Jerry)! It's a small world on Hive, isn't it? Thank you for your service as well, Joe.
!LUV
@jerrytsuseer, @wesphilbin(1/10) sent you LUV. | tools | discord | community |
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