Anyone who knows me always says I wear my feelings on my sleeves. I try to hide my emotions especially if they’re unpleasant ones.
Unfortunately I’ve always been very expressive (I’m talking facial expressions) and dramatic so hiding my feelings is not always easy. I will admit I’m still a sensitive cry baby and it doesn’t take much to get me there.
Hey, you have five kids and try to maintain your emotions. 😜 I’m only a bigger cry baby because I’m a mother. Yes, I blame a lot of it on my kiddos from the spiked hormones of pregnancy. 😌
Lately I’ve been noticing little things that flare up my nerves or cause me to react in certain ways. I’ve figured out what those little things are...
So what are trigger words?
Trigger words and phrases are those that cause a listener to feel strong emotions because of previous experiences.
Many people refer to it as words or phrases that trigger memories and emotions from traumatic events.
Psychology & Counseling Associates ~
I can definitely attest to the traumatic part.
After my miscarriage of our twin baby four years ago I have noticed I get teary eyed at the mention of twins. It doesn’t happen all the time but if I hear the word and a happy story follows it I get extremely sad.
It literally take me back to that moment of finding out we lost him/her (we never had the chance to find out the sex of the baby) and then thoughts raid my brain about what it would have been like to have two four year olds running around the house together.
I am able to hide this one pretty well. I don’t want anyone to feel as if they can’t talk about twins around me or feel bad when they do.
I am an adult, was one before I was a wife and mother. I can make my own decisions and have the right to decline any advice.
When I feel my independence is being challenged or threatened my nerves flare and red flags go dramatically flying.
There is someone in our family that uses this phrase quite often:
What you need to do is...
Triggers popping everywhere when I hear it. 😖
So now, if anyone ever starts a sentence with what I need to do, it’s an automatic shutdown.
It would be better if it came off as a suggestion instead of a command telling me what I should do.
This example sounds less dominating:
Maybe you should consider...
Or even a question like
Have you ever thought about...?
Not too long ago I accidentally said this trigger phrase to my husband and it stopped him in his tracks...to give me a look of disgust. Ooops, my bad I forgot it triggers him too. 😬
I am now realizing just how powerful these words can be based on what you have been through.
There is a phrase said often in my household that makes my ears steam:
I’m bored
😑😑😑
This is said by my kids who have enough gadgets, toys, activities and computer gear to keep them occupied and busy for days. 🙄
It doesn’t matter how much we give them or let them do they are never satisfied.
When I hear them say they are bored it triggers irritation, annoyance, frustration and fed upness (I know that isn’t a word but it really hits the spot on how I feel).
We try to encourage them to get creative and use the things they already have to make fun memories. It makes me feel they don’t appreciate what we do for them when they always come to me with this I’m bored nonsense.
How to Deal with Trigger Words
I think I just completed the first step; knowing what my trigger words are and how they make me feel.
Believe me I’ve discovered more but for the sake of time and post length I decided to share only three.
Now that I am aware of what words enkindle my emotional reactions I should be able to handle it easier when I hear them.
Realizing that the person saying those words are not aware they trigger me will also help how I react.
The other part of that I think is to be upfront with people, especially the ones that say these phrases often, and inform them how it negatively affects me.
My kids already know how their frequent phrase makes me feel. Given the look I give them afterwards tells it all. 😁
That look also gets them to leave my presence faster. 😅
For the triggers that take me back to my past I will try my best to block it out and focus on the present. This has actually helped me when dealing with my miscarriage.
I immediately think about my son, the twin that did survive, and how blessed we are to have him along with our four other children.
For the triggers that annoy and aggravate me I am learning to change my reaction to them. Instead of reacting in an offensive upsetting way I am choosing to stay calm, smile and continue on as I was.
I know that I am well capable of making my own decisions and forming my own opinions. Even though some think they have authority over what I choose...they really don’t. Remembering this helps me overlook demanding comments and just laugh at them.
Laughing helps me keep my mouth shut and not say things I will regret later. 🥴
Do you have any trigger words or phrases? If so how have you dealt with them?
The photos used above were submitted via the Stock Image Community initiated by @minismallholding and are included in the indexes.
If you are looking for quality images to use for your posts there are plenty to choose from ;)
Each contributor mentioned above has been added as a beneficiary on this post for their image use.
Awareness of our triggers is half way there!
I can understand all your triggers. And your emotional heart makes you who you are, so never make excuses for that.
Bloody hormones.
Thank you so much. I really appreciate that ~ ☺️💛
Interesting, I don't know if I have any trigger words, either I have none at all or have too many that i don't notice. ..
Though I've noticed recently sometimes I get a bit teary eyes when I see some sad news about covid but it only last for two seconds and it's not coz I'm feeling sad about the subject. So I don't know if things are building up inside me, but then I feel perfectly OK in general. A while ago I was frustrated of being stuck in UK(which is home ) and not being able to return to Taiwan where I've been living for four years. Then I reasoned with myself, even if I could leave now I wouldn't coz myself I'm going to wait and get vaccinated, so I'm happy where i am now.
Sorry for ranting....
Ps sorry to hear about your miscarriage, must have been so worrying for you during the rest of the pregnancy. And hope it doesn't effect the little one when he grows up.
It could be that you just haven't noticed them. When I found myself getting frustrated and irritated all too often, that's when I started paying more attention to see what was causing those feelings.
So yes it could very well be that these emotions have been slowly building up and certain things you see and hear causes you to react in such ways.
No apologies, I love listening and learning about others ;)
Thank you. It was the toughest thing I have ever had to go through. We weren’t for sure if my son would make it because the doctors couldn’t tell me for sure why we lost his twin. All I knew was I had to do everything I could to make sure he was a healthy baby to be strong enough for survival.
I had to try my best not to worry and stress because I knew it would have a negative impact on him. Can you imagine being joyous one moment for the son living then extremely sad in the next moment as I mourned the child we lost? I was an emotional wreck.
The hardest thing was knowing the baby that died just stayed put in my womb until eventually he/she withered away. When my son was born they showed me my placenta and we saw evidence that our deceased twin was once there. It was the hardest thing to deal with. 😞
I hope my son will be okay once we tell him about his twin (when he’s old enough to understand). Not sure how it will effect him. ☹️
Thank you so much for your kind words ~ 💛
So what you need to do at these times is...Mini ducks
I actually can't imagine ever saying that to someone. I don't like it myself, so why do it to someone else?
Pregnancy is such an emotional time as it is. I can only imagine how strong that emotional connection must be every time you're reminded of what you lost.
It's pretty nerve wrecking.
The emotional connection is very strong, stronger than I ever imagined it would be.
I couldn't say all that better :) Thank you :)
Have some !wine :)
Cheers, @lightcaptured You Successfully Shared 0.100 WINE With @crosheille.
You Earned 0.100 WINE As Curation Reward.
You Utilized 3/3 Successful Calls.
WINE Current Market Price : 1.200 HIVE
Thank you for reading and thanks for the wine ;)
You're welcome. Your photo was right on time. I knew I was going to use it as soon as I saw it :D
:)))
Same here!
I hate it when anyone places themselves as an authority over me or make certain comments. I just laugh it off to avoid a fight especially when it's an older person.
Exactly!! I agree, this practice is especially good with the older ones.
Thanks so much for the visit ~
My kids use the phrase: "what can I do"? "What can we do"?
I suggest many things and the repeat the question until I break down and allow screens :)
I can easily relate to your wonderful post.
Awareness is great and important.
Thank you for this post.
Following
Oh my goodness. You just reminded me I forgot to add the phrase that ALWAYS follows after "I’m bored.” It’s “what can I/we do?” At least I know I’m not the only one experiencing that.
Wow our situations are very similar. Eventually after the repeated question I too give in and allow the screens. 😏 as long as it’s after school
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. 🙂
Thanks for that, a shared problem is much lighter :)
Congratulations @crosheille! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPCheck out the last post from @hivebuzz:
First: I am amazed how well you know yourself. I often pad into the same trap(read: me reacting badly to something) and only afterwards I recognise a pattern, only to react badly the next time again. Ahhhhhhh
Second: I am so sorry for your miscarriage. I cannot imagine how gruesome and horrible this must be. I can relate a tiny bit as I have no children and often get very sad (right now for example) when I think about this and cannot change it. I instinctively try to avoid thinking too much about this, as there is nothing to be done.
Wait... I will give up the numbers know :-D
I find it fascinating to read about language and how words can affect us. I am not sensitive to your trigger “you need/you must etc” but I completely understand why this is triggering. In my opinion the advice given in in this manner seems thoughtless. As if the person does not take into consideration that the other one also had thought about the problem and has good reasons to act like she did.
I often have problems with very short and in my eyes impolite language. I will try to give an example (not easy as I have to translate). You know I volunteer in this charity board and the board leader is in my eyes a -ahem- social/emotional limited man, which leads to very frustrated volunteers who frequently quit, which he is frustrate over. And he can trigger me profoundly... THis is a recent what’s app conversation
Me: Hey all, do we have a zoom meeting today? (Read: I know we have this meeting, but I want to politely remind everyone to participate without telling anybody he forgot)
Chairman: no
Director: yes, we agreed on the meeting today, but ok we will meet another time
Everybody else quits and the meeting did not take place.
Not sure if I could describe my trigger. It is the “no” instead of “I am unsure, I do not think we agreed on a meeting” or something like this. The “no” kills all enthusiasm to participate or talk, and I always want to give everyone (or most) the possibility to engage. So, we too ( the chairman and I) regularly clash, as I find his answers authoritative, impolite and excluding and he I guess thinks me insecure because I often formulate things I know into questions.
whewwww not sure I could make myself understandable.
But thank you for bringing this important topic on the table <3 <3
(By the way I am always a bit frightened I am impolite while writing English, as it is very different in some places from German 😱)
Thank you Simone I really appreciate that. It is something I will probably never fully recover from...I’m getting by but will never be over the loss.
I’ve wondered if you ever wanted children but never asked just in case it was a sensitive subject for you. You just never know what people are going through. I’m sorry it makes you sad thinking about it. 😟
Yes when I hear those words: you need or you should, it does sound thoughtless and controlling.
I understood you just fine. I would definitely feel the same way as you if I were in your position. I would want people to be motivated and encouraged and to have a leader that’s not sensitive to how others may feel would be very frustrating. I can see how the word “no” is your trigger. Is there anyone else in the charity group that you could talk to about it? That stinks that things are pushed back because he forgets.
I appreciate you reading and responding. I wasn’t expecting such a response as I received but I’m really enjoying the interaction with everyone. Health topics can really be though provoking and engaging. I love writing about them :)
Congrats for offering us education about controlling emotions! This kind of education is useful for health, as some cravings for unhealthy foods are emotional.
Thank you for reading my blog. I'm very glad you found it useful :)
You're welcomed. How's the lockdown going?