One year ago - March 2020. We all know what we were (still) doing back then, right before the world started closing down, bit by bit, country by country, restaurant by gym by school.
For me it was clear that a lot needed to change. I had been starting my search for the right therapist, almost found one, but then he seemed to suddenty disappear from the face of the earth.
A lucky thing? Maybe, because of him disappearing I found an amazing therapist who helped my make my first few steps towards health - and she would inspire me to become a therapist myself.
Me a year ago
A year ago I didn't really go outside much. You have to know: walking was painful. Especially in the mornings: I would wake up, feel stiff in all of my body and especially my feet, need to slooowly warm up all muscles and bones, and then after 1-2 hours I could do something. But not much. I would make coffee and move from my left foot to my right foot and back to my left foot again - just because it was too painful to rest on my feet too much.
Yeah, no, so I jumped back on the couch as soon as I could, and of course not feel very inspired to get back up again - why tease myself with more pain than I already had?
But today, one year later?
I'm moving, allright! I wake up, don't feel any stiffness, can jump out of bed immediately, walk down the stairs without grabbing the stair rail like I could trip and fall down any minute.
I often, almost all days now, go outside within an hour after waking up: even if it's just 10 minutes, sometimes 20 or 30, I go for a walk. And don't feel pain. And even more: when I come back home I don't necessarily need to rest before standing for another 20 minutes in the kitchen to prepare lunch.
Me, a year ago, would have found this unbelievable. Me, today, still finds it a little unbelievable, but it has been my reality for a few months now. And I'm enjoying every bit of it.
I still have horrible recovery days after day I do too much. But they don't last as long, are not as horrible, and the limit after which I need to recovery has extended. Two weeks ago I walked a certain amount of steps which I know I would've needed to recover a full day from only a year ago. Two weeks ago I was able to complete a 10 minute 'walk around the block' on that 'recovery day'.
That's a huge win in my book.
Ripple effects
Sure, not moving a lot will have consequences other than physical ones. It's a bit of a chicken and egg story though, but let's keep it simple and just agree that not moving didn't help my depression. Was I depressed which made me stop moving? Did I stop moving and make myself depressed?
I do have different insights on this after studying Psychoneuroimmunology for a half year now, and I've been fascinated by how little I actually knew about (evolutionary reasons for) depression even though I have a Masters degree in Psychology, but yeah: I've been depressed while trying to smile a lot for quite a long time.
Not anymore.
I'm actually smiling now. I'm actually feeling sad now, because I can differentiate between sadness and overal misery now. I actually feel energetic and spontaneous and lively and in need for knowledge and I'm also actually retaining information in my long-term memory again.
WOW.
Me, a year ago, wouldn't have thought this was possible. I couldn't see the future back then. One week ahead was all I could think about. But mentioning what I would do next month, next year? I would totally freak out, go into a black dark box inside of me while not being able to look outside of it.
Now? Share me your dreams and I'll share mine. I have many. I'm dreaming of the life I want to build and of the part I will play in it. Because DAMN do I have much to give the world! So many ideas! So much to share!
And the ripples spread far and wide
Honestly, I can't even... A year ago I wouldn't have dreamed that I would've said YES to a two (actually three) year commitment in the form of an education. But that education definitely became part of my healing process itself. I'm still learning things that I now know to have been part of my life - a life that's been under the shadows of physical challenges since the age of thirteen.
Understanding is a big part of any healing process. Also - I'm part of a community now. One with people I talk to on Zoom, on the groups chat, who are willing to share knowledge and will help me and other students build their practice for the future - because we know we're not competing but only changing the world a little.
The changes have been tangible in so many aspects of my life: physically and mentally I'm not the same person I was a year ago.
And all the changes have partly been made possible because of Corona, because of the world slowing down, because of me being able to focus on every aspect of my life without interference of social engagements, peer pressure surrounding food and drinks. For a year it has been just me, my amazing boyfriend who is participating enthusiastically in every part of my adventure towards health and healing, and my therapist and fellow students.
So yeah, I'm grateful for the last year. But to be honest: I now feel like getting back to social life again so I can have more life experiences with this better version of me again :D Drinks, dinners, friends, travels... It sounds like something I will enjoy even more now than I would have a year ago. Physically, mentally, and everything in between.
But I'm flourishing, even from lockdown.
Here's to health and healing. One of the next posts will be about the actual steps I took to get to this point.
Cheers.
Rosa
Logged back into this ecosystem after some years and was so happy to see that you're still active! I'm happy to hear that you're recovering well, @soyrosa! I remember exchanging with you in my early days here and you'd mentioned having health problems (with the leg, if I remember right?). It was heart-warming to read this update - kudos on all the progress, the master and also spreading the joy!
Hey @manouche! I remember you too! :D So glad you decided to take a peek in the ecosystem and come say hi! <3 Yes, I'm doing super well and it has been a crazy but (to me personally) fruitful year :-) Indeed the leg/foot problems will remain partly, but a big part of it has been resolved :-)
How are you doing yourself?! Hope you're having some good news to share as well? Hope life is treating you well and you are able to stay safe and healthy in these 'interesting' times. Cheers! :-)
I'm so glad to hear!
I've been doing good for the most part. But I fell down the stairs and twisted my ankle last week so now I'm just confined to my house for the rest of the week :( Otherwise, I've been dancing, enjoying Seoul, making exhibitions - somehoe life in Korea managed to go on!
Hi, @soyrosa
I did not know about your health issues. Glad to see that your balance is positive now.
It has been a crazy year for most of us. We know by now that there will be at least two years of lockdown and paranoia (not healthy for any mind). Hopefully, this will end by next year. Anything beyond that will be a real 🎢
Stay safe; stay healthy.
Thanks @hlezama! Yes it has been a crazy year and I hope two years is not necessary, but you might be right. Hoping you are well and are staying healthy and sane on your side of the world <3
Wow, goodness me, it felt to me like one of the sweetest read in a long time. Psychologically it can be fulfilling to go through wellness and of course reminisce and compare the difference and how one has finally come to be better with time. The truth is that it was really good that you have the spacing and conditioning to recover quite well, imagine having all those external noise on your way to recovery it wouldn't be effortlessly smooth.
I'm really glad for the change you've experienced in a year's time, it's been totally worth all the challenges and here you are now. Hopefully better days will come as you fully recover and get back into the thick of things.
Thanks @josediccus, glad you found this a good read :D You put it exactly right, 'external noise', I really believe not having to bother with that has helped me a LOT, at least made the process a lot quicker :-)
I can't wait until the world is going back to normal again as I do believe I now want to enjoy 'the new me' in the outside world, but on the other hand, there's still so much to do while we're living this slow-paced life :-)
I hope you're doing well yourself!
Haha the new you" will sure be hungry for adventure and basically I will be looking forward to seeing the new you" and as for me, I've been well, trying to manage my mental health and or course content on the blockchain as well. Do take care of yourself.
Wat een hoop levenslessen Rooske en fantastisch om te horen dat er zoveel vooruitgang zit in de pootjes maar ook in het bolleke.
Heb je aan jezelf te danken al deze stappen. Winnaar!!
Thanks @karinxxl! :D Ja, veel vooruitgang op heel veel vlakken. Deze blog raakt nog maar de oppervlakte :-) Alles goed met jou?
Klinkt goed dat ze er zoveel geleerd is. Niet iedereen krijgt zoveel leerkansen en jij hebt ze gepakt. Das gaaf!
Jah jonge in Brabant alles stabiel he. Nog steeds aan het integreren en eens kijken wat de plannen nu gaan worden allemaal. Want er moet altijd een plan zijn toch ;))
Hahaha - helemaal waar en ik ben ook megablij met alle kansen die ik heb gepakt @karinxxl! :-)
Fijn dat Brabant stabiel is :D Het voelt momenteel of Brabant heel ver weg is maar als alles weer normaler is eens een keer een biertje doen in Brabant of Rotterdam? :D
Oh my goddess, I'm so excited to hear this. Funny, I was only thinking of you this morning and wondering how that journey was going! So glad to hear you are still kicking ass, and I really can't wait to read MORE, please!
<3 Makes me smile to know you sometimes think of me and my journey! :D Glad I wrote this post and will write a few more - there's so much to tell and I've learned SO MUCH!
Aww, that was one of the most positive and cheerful posts I have read here in a while. So happy it came from you Rosa :) Keep flourising and writing such lovely pieces! :)
Awww, thanks for those words! :D I'm definitely going to try to be here a little more often, decided that even half an hour a day has to be possible, just reading posts or writing a part of a post and publishing it a few days later... We'll see :-) But there's more to write for sure! Hope you're well <3
Please do :)
Happy you got better on the walking thing and your overall health. Would be interesting to read about what and how you did it.
i had a year of yoga that holydays f-up (excuses) and now i have to will myself to do start again.
Also found your countrymen Wim Hof, i hate cold showers i hate breathing but i do feel good after it :)
I'll try to write a sort of timeline about the past year to follow up this post :D
Yoga is something I still don't really pick up but I feel like yoga or maybe especially meditation/mindfulness would be something that could help me in many other ways. So something to focus on for 'Year 2' :-)
Wim Hof is awesome because he makes visible that we can have control on our immune systems - cold showers are great for us and I might write a post about that as well :D
Hope you're doing well despite everything that's happening right now!
i like that he pushed for medical testing of everything he is doing.
Yes - that's where he is really pushing science forwards as I now know how little doctors understand about the definitely links between psycho/neuro/immunology :D He forces them to look at the data (n=1, but still) so they can start thinking for themselves :-)
I am really glad to read these lines and learn that you are feeling better and doing well. It`s great to have the energy levels back again and have reached that balance that enables you to enjoy life again without worrying for your health. A big hug to you!
Thank you @lymepoet, appreciate you leaving a comment! Yes, getting those energy levels back is a HUGE step forward and I can't believe how much not only my pain levels have gotten better, but my brain as well :-) Hope you're doing well! Hugs!
This was amazing to read! Congratulations for the transformation!! May your continue to flourish now and forever :)
Thank you @adetorrent! :D I'm super happy with my transformation and I hope I'll be able to flourish like this for many many years <3
Ohhh hey @yidneth, so lovely to hear from you! Such a lovely video and song you made again - and yes, I definitely feel what you're expressing here, it's like I only needed a few buttons pushed to be back flourishing again and even feel the WANT to be a better/fitter/healthier person again :-) It's amazing. I'm always jealous of the gorgeous landscapes you're in, wowwww. I hope you're doing well even though it's a long process <3
Nature is my healing but it's been a long journey too, I wish I could even go out more like before, but things have been indeed "complicated" still one step forward, sister... I fought to keep my spirits at my lowest and was a slow uphill process since then... still fighting (but you know a lot of that and what is that body betrays you lol) Wish you healing and drive to heal. Start by small goals. I'm doing now daily a bit of mindful walking it's not very demanding and I can set my pace, there are lots of videos, if I get pain i embrace it and let it go and just go on, each day some steps further, as you listen to the tracks as you sequentially engage all your other senses, sight, smell,you become distracted. Of course you gotta do what you are comfortable with and no more.
And yes, well I've been posting all over the year just at my slow pace as always, everytime I pop in someone welcomes be back LOL oh my, but been more consistent of late.
Ahhh meditative walking, it sounds like a great idea :-) I definitely would be able to reconnect a bit with the pain in my feet and accept it for what it is. I'm super proud that I can already walk further than I could a year ago but I think 'acceptance' definitely could be part of my journey towards even more <3
So happy to hear you're finding ways to grow and connect with the body :-) Super proud of you dear @yidneth!
And yes, I've not posted much lately but then I come back and I get such warm welcomes! It's super super special <3
Look for it and above all set your pace. You do what you can to get better, no less but no more. My own healing journey is acceptance and even gratefulness that despite all I keep going.
Yes I know, i post so slowly i get welcomes too but trying to post more, always in intention I simmer things slowly
I love reading that!!!
I am happy to see you are getting better and better as days go by.
Thank you @santigs! Really enjoying this new version of me :D I hope you're doing well yourself as well!
if flowers can make a little health then I want to sow them in my herbal garden
Es una excelente eleccion, como sabemos todo tiene su tiempo y pronto terminara, saludos.
the colors are beauty... Great photos.
Thanks :-)
Wonderful news but I was expecting it! When you are walking the right path you can't go wrong :)
Yes, the pandemic situation deprived from us a lot but it also gave a lot, at least to some of us.
It was great hearing from you! Looking forward for more :)