Since I'm lacking the ability to write weekly posts, I figured writing about random things whenever I feel like it will be more achievable, lol. I'm in a low mood for the last couple of weeks. It probably has to do with me being hospitalized and working on my mental health. I find it hard being away from home and @rubencress. And on top of that, Fall has set in, which never really helps to brighten up my mood.
I've been advised to write down my thoughts multiple times, but it feels like there's some kind of force that keeps me from doing so. I'm not really sure why. Maybe I'm uncomfortable doing so because there never really was room for them in the past, or maybe I'm afraid of what I will write down. Or maybe I don't need to overthink everything... Anyway, this afternoon, after a sweet little breakdown, I gave it a try. Which left me with a five paged essay. I'm very aware of my 'busy' head and my many thoughts. I kind of got used to it. But writing all of this down felt like a dam breaking and I could hardly stop writing. I guess that's what I needed.
I'm kind of proud that I've managed to put my mind to it, even though I didn't feel like it at all. It went together with a lot of tears though, but I did feel calmer afterward. I think I have to keep on reminding myself that I'm capable and that I can do hard things. Especially when all seems very dark and impossible. I hope this can be your little reminder as well:)
Lots of love,