SHOWING UP FOR A FRIEND IN CRISIS. LOH #100.

in Ladies of Hive2 years ago (edited)

Hi loves. It has been a long minute here and it’s good to be reappearing just in time for Contest 100 I shall be responding to the first question.

1️⃣ Do you know how to be an effective advocate for your beloved one or friend when they're dealing with a mental health issue? Do you know how to respond, whom to contact for help? Have you ever been faced such a challenge?

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I see myself as kind, aware and an emotionally responsive person, but all that become nonsense in the face of helplessness. When all my tools and tips fail me, and I'm sat there, broken by the harmless fact that I don't know what to do to help a friend.

I have read some of the touching and kind entries by the wonderful ladies here and most of them shared personal stories about friends, people and events in their lives that highlighted the impact of a poor mental state to them, and I am inspired to tell a little tale about a friend too. But, I have to withhold some details out of respect because it isn't my story to tell. I shall not say what happened to my friend but that incident went straight for my friend's mind and ripped it apart.

It was a regular week and we were excited about this little plan they had made to skip town for a couple days. I helped them get packed and ready as usual, we were always in each other's business as our friendship started off with being next door neighbors before I moved out of that apartment. They went on that little trip and returned a different person, a broken person. I was still at their apartment getting ready to go to this wedding in church where I volunteered to work as an usher when I heard a knock at the door, they weren't supposed to be back then.

I opened the door and my friend fell to the floor as they walked in, and began weeping profusely. My arm was still stretched for a denied hug as I turned around to look at them. I had never seen my friend like that before, I went to hold them and they cried some more. I didn't ask or say anything, I just held them. Eventually there was a calm, then they told me what happened.

Yup! Moment of helplessness. I thought: there is absolutely nothing I can do to help how they are feeling, this is too big, too much, I'm freaking out. My mind was freaking out but I stayed calm. I left them alone for a few hours to go do that church thing. See, I was already going to cancel that to be with them but, when something traumatic happens to me, the first thing I would want to do is be alone. I would want to be alone with my pain, to cry ugly and wail and do whatever that pain demands that I would mind having an audience for, so I went ahead to church.

I returned to a sad and gloomy home with my friend still curled up on the corner of the bed where I had left them. I urged them to shower but they couldn't so I took them to the bath, freshened them up and cooked a nice jollof for them to eat. While we ate I made them laugh a little, and tried to take them on a little walk away from their mind. After the meal, they slept and I began to do my own processing.

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How I Managed To Help:

  • At the beginning I completely avoided addressing the situation because I don't like to poke around anyone's pain or trauma, because I want them to warm up to me in their own capacity, giving them control over the situation but, you will feel me carrying your pain, holding your hand and pointing you to the sun, letting you know it is okay to bleed on me.

  • I paid extra attention to them, making sure they were at least physically okay, rending acts of services and doing everything in my power to make sure they had a warm atmosphere and a kind energy around them.

  • I listened more to my friend, to how they were feeling and the things they wanted because I didn't want to project my own feelings toward them. It is true after all, that it is shoe wearer that knows where it pinches. I didn't try to project positivity on them or push them to start healing.

  • I was patient with my friend. Some days they would ignore for hours but I understood it wasn’t about me and just let them be.
    In the words of Ellan Watt:

‘Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.’


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Eventually they started talking more and the ice began to melt away with each flare of sunshine they let in. It was going to be a long road to recovery but, they were out of the darkness to an extent. Eventually they told me they were feeling better and was ready to resume being alone again.

I move delicately around pain, I don't like to assume anything about what a person is dealing with. It is also important to not try to reduce them to their pain or trauma, to continue to see and acknowledge their humanity and awesomeness even in their suffering.

I would later text their brother whom I know they adore their company and asked them to talk to them about visiting.

It was an intense experience, one I needed some recovery from too because I couldn’t help but absorb a great deal of their trauma. I continued to love and care for my friend in the times to come. Eventually, they started talking to a professional about the problem and are in a much better place now. 💙

I didn’t think I knew what to do, but love and kindness were all I needed to help my friend fight a dark time in their life.
I always try, I don’t even know how to always show up for my own self but I can understand the urgency of a friend calling for help. We will not always be in the right mindset to be available for a friend but there is always something we can do, to alert another friend, a family, an authority... from a place of concern and not imposition.

I would love to invite my dear @kamarah and @wolfofnostreet to join the conversation.
How are you, sisters? ❤️🤗

I didn’t intend for this to be this long but I’m grateful I get to pour my heart to you.
Thank you for reading.


All Images displayed are properly and the greeting card was designed on Canva. Follow me on my blog atyourservice

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You did the best thing you could have done by just being there @atyourservice, especially in the beginning before they are able to effectively communicate. Best thing to do is let them do the talking, that is exactly what a professional would be doing. They picked a really good subject for the Ladies of Hive community, as it's good for self awareness for one's own limitations. Also, for information, there is a Hive account called @empowerednetwork that is for domestic abuse survivors as well, with a Discord server by the same name with resources for those kinds of issues:
https://discord.gg/nuQzxPH8 this is a non expiring link for help in almost all aspects.
This post was obtained through Dreemport.
!LADY

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Hi @jamerussell
Thank you for reading and engaging my entry. You are right, the topic did call for some reflection on one's self awareness and emotional limitations.
Thank you also for the information you've shared with me, I had no idea about Empowerednetwork. Unfortunately the hive account doesn't seem to exist but I followed the discord link.
See you around Dreemer.

Sorry about that @atyourservice, it's @empowernetwork, there is no "ed" on empower. My bad! 😂😂😂

Lol. Okay. 😅
Got it. Thank you.

This was a beautiful and thought-provoking piece
I did not realize that I needed to read this till I did. Thank God I found this post
A friend of mine is going through something right now and because we're not so close, I'm stuck.
I want to help her but I also don't want to cross boundaries.
Plus I think I can be of great help to her because I've experienced it myself so I really don't know what to do.
Some of the points you enlisted on here are spot on and will help me in navigating my dilemma.
Thank you for this!

Hi Zitalove, I hope you’re well today.
I am glad you read my entry for this contest; it was a heartfelt and deeply emotional one and I’m happy I could pour it out in the way I did.
I equally happy you found it helpful, and I’m sorry you feel stuck about helping your friend, letting her know she’s got a friend in you should she ever need someone who understands her pain sounds like a great start.

Good luck. 💕

Hey Sugar🤗!
Forgive my colossally late reply to your mention. I've been off this space for some time so I haven't had access to my notifications. I'm a little bummed I missed the 100th edition of the loh contest but oh well😪

I know what helplessness in these kinda situations feels like especially when it's someone I'm really close to that always knows the right things to say to me in my not-so-great moments. The feeling of not being able to help at that particular time has to be one of the worst things I've ever felt. It feels like whatever words my confused mind can conjure at that moment will be empty and I'd rather not talk than give empty, baseless words of consolation.

I've learned that actions speak louder than words and in situations like I mentioned above, I just do whatever I can to let the person know that I've got them and that they can count on me to help in whatever way they want me to.

Your piece was great as usual and I think "they"are lucky to have you in their life.❤️

Hi hun, I hope you have been well. All is forgiven, lol. Don't feel too bad, I'm glad you showed up.
Thank you for your comment, I didn't doubt that you would understand me completely.

I just do whatever I can to let the person know that I've got them and that they can count on me to help in whatever way they want me to.

This is really the way to go.
Thank you so much for finding the time to read, means a lot. ❣️

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Yes some time people needs their privacy and they may decide not to speak to anyone . It’s just something like a mood swing . I am glad you understand your friend and let her be.

Hi MercySugar 🤗
Thank you for reading and your kind response.
Understanding is key to helping anyone in need.💕

You are welcome🥺😊.

sometimes we feel powerless without giving a solution to what happened or, but just being present supporting the affected person can be the most important thing for that person to begin to regain calm

!LADY

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You’re absolutely right, that’s why I tried to pay attention and let them have whatever they needed.

Thanks for reading and engaging honey, much appreciated. 💕

Sometimes, just being there is enough. You are a good friend. Thank you for sharing!

Yes, on most days it was just my kind and warm company that got us through.

Thanks for stopping by.
!LUV

You are very welcome! Thanks for the luv.😎👍🤗

It's very nice of you to be there to support your friend when needed.

I was patient with my friend. Some days they would ignore for hours but I understood it wasn’t about me and just let them be

I'm sure they don't ignore you, just they need their own time sometimes 🙂

I didn’t think I knew what to do, but love and kindness were all I needed to help my friend fight a dark time in their life.

Love and Kindness can change the world for the better. Well, you've done a lot and tried your best. They are lucky to have you as a friend :)

Well written and thanks for the entry !LADY

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So heartwarming. Thank you for reading and for your kind words, really means a lot.
Yeah it wasn’t easy when they would ignore me though I know they needed their time but I was able to manage because I care for them.

Have a great time and see you around.
!LUV

Beautiful methods of helping you've got there.... That single friend that always turns up for us whenever we need them are priceless
Thanks for being that one friend to someone
Popped in via @dreemport

Hi @sperosamuel15
I appreciate you reading and leaving me this kind comment. I’m happy I could be who I am to my friends in need.
Take care, Dreemer.

You are welcome
Enjoy the rest of your day

being willing to spend that time, and to not demand your friend respond on your expectations is such a kindness.

Hi @stuartcturnbull thank you for your comment. There was nothing I could do expect be kind to them and not center myself in the situation.

Thanks for stopping by.

Listening to people pour out their words instead of asking questions is the best thing to do. In time they will heal and become better.

Waltzed in through dreemport.

Hi lovely @balikis95
Thank you so much for your kind engagement.
I completely forgot I still had unreplied comments on this post 😭

It is fine dear.. Thanks😚😚

A sensitively handled situation and written with the same approach in mind. I am so sorry your friend had to go through something awful but thankful that she had a kind and caring friend to stand by her side and be what she needed at the time. I do hope she is ok now and if she needs some counseling that she is encouraged to get some in order to heal from her hurts. !ALIVE !LUV

I came from #Dreemport this evening.
#dreemer for life

@atyourservice! You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE to your account on behalf of @samsmith1971. (5/10)

The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.

Thank you darling Sam. I’m sorry I’m just getting to this; oversight and exhaustion both got the best of me.
My friend is okay now, they got some professional help along the way so the storm is over, I hope.

Thank you sweet #dreemer.
😘❤️🌹

What you did was beautiful. Not everyone would have the patience or wisdom to tackle such a situation. You did great.

Thank you so much, @kei2
Your kind words are warmly received. 🤗
Thanks for stopping by.

Who would have thought that you would handle the situation in such a way? Well I guess this is an evidence that proves the word of God that says he would never give us more than we can handle and you did really well with the situation.

Thank you so much for sharing those tips with us, I'm very sure it will come in handy someday.

Thank you so much for reading. I did what I could though it was an overwhelming situation for me.
I appreciate you stopping by. Hope you’re well.
!LUV

You're welcome dear, it's my pleasure.

I'm doing well, what about you? It's been a while

Nothing to cheer up a friend like holding space for them, letting them know you are there when they're ready, and a meal! Nice write up @atyourservice!

Exactly! You get it. Listen, every meal I cooked was great, I was cooking my ass off 😭😂
Thanks for your kind feedback. !LUV