We're having a few problems at the school, and most of it has to do with communication leading to misaligned expectations. Managing expectations is a key part of communication, as we have just explored in one of Galenkp's weekend engagements. So, from my now 11 years of experience in running a business, ruining and excelling in relationships, raising a child and all those situations composing "life", I was asked to give an introduction about the basics of community. Here are my first thoughts, tied more to the current situation, but applicable in most communicational situations in life.
Please feel free to comment, add, criticize, point out, whatever you feel might be worth it.
Use of words
The right use of words is very important in communication. Our school talks a lot about community, working together, making and effort between all of us (directive, teachers and parents) for the well-being of the kids. That created the expectation in many of us that in crisis, the school would act true to their word. But instead of doing a meeting, gathering ideas and finding solutions for the problems caused by the strike, there was - nothing. "Oh, we're not going to open due to the strike. No online classes." Then, a week later, "Yes, online classes from 8.30am to 12pm", then, 2 days later "Only from 8.30am to 9.30am" - always without explanation. Because.
That is not how a community works. That's how every other school works, and that's fine - it's not a bad thing to have a hierarchy, it can be the most efficient way. But the expectations raised by using the word "community" abundantly were rightfully a more inclusive, more horizontal chain of command. Especially with the background of having many indigenous communities around that are organized that way, and the school including many Kichwa ceremonies.
Chain of command
Since there is a hierarchy, it's important to a) communicate that fact and b) make that chain clear to everyone. Who is responsible for what? Who has how much lee way to take their own decisions? What has to be run through the directive?
Having a clear structure avoids many problems and enhanced efficiency, as one doesn't have to first ask around who knows what and who can decide what. I'd actually say it would be great to have that written out.
Tree of responsibilities
Another problem we had is that the directive made decisions without consulting nor informing. I'm in charge of building the meal plans (ever family prepares food 2x a month), which includes a myriad of exceptions (of 48 students, 16 have some kind of rule or benefit attached to them) and is quite complicated - a challenge I usually like. But then the directive decided to put in even more exceptions, without neither consulting me if it makes sense, nor informing me correctly about what exactly was decided.
Mind, I do that as a volunteer, because I had thought it was a community effort thing and those who read me regularly know that I like that. I'm no employee. And I don't even give myself the easy recipes or other benefits for it.
Consider experience and skill
The people in charge of something usually know best how to handle it. Dictating change from above without even hearing their opinion will not only lead to frustration, but also to less efficiency and less equality.
Skill and experience make for natural authority. That is an important thing to consider in any part of communication in life. Respecting that authority includes many advantages for everyone.
Asking & listening
This is very important in a hierarchy - asking. Letting people speak up, hearing their ideas and thoughts and honestly listening. That includes writing notes and getting back at them later, even though their ideas weren't good. "Hey Mate, in and of itself a great idea that you had, but at the moment it's just not within the possibilities." Whatever, but include them. It's work, I know, sometimes people come up with a lot of... sub-optimal ideas, but even those can inspire something completely different.
And people that feel heard are happier and complain less.
Reasoning
Always communicate why something changes. Explain. "We can't charge less tuition because it's a hassle to hold the teachers anyway, and if we don't pay them, they might leave because they don't feel it's stable." Okay, that makes sense! Making people understand the situation takes away most disgruntlement - just like knowledge takes away the fear.
What did I forget?
I could probably write about 10 more pages about this topic. I really love thinking about communication, it's such an important part of our lives, and unfortunately so under-esteemed by the majority. If more people studied communication, the world would be a better place. I'm certain of that.
What are your thoughts about this topic? Please feel free to engage in any original way, including dropping links to your posts on similar topics. I'm happy to read (and curate) any quality content that is not created by LLM/AI, as well as read your own experience and point of view, I love to learn!
there is a difference between listening and active listening........I had to train myself in that and I am still not very good at it.
You're not the only one... It's hard to do as one preaches sometimes. I took another lesson from that - one doesn't have to be 100% coherent with what one says. Just because I'm not, doesn't mean I'm not right about - just that I'm just as flawed as the rest and have to work to get there. Hence, I instead of looking for coherence, I try to look for self-improvement in those matters.
It's an ongoing work in progress to get better and the two sides of communicating, giving and receiving. I think I excel more in listening if I just shut my mind off and be in the moment but then this often makes it hard sometimes to give a satisfactory reply when needed as I'd have to turn my mind on and actively process what was said. Sometimes, having a notebook on the side to jot down what stands out helps. It's an art taking breaks between speaking and listening when both are required in a given conversation.
With time, one gets better at focusing on what the other person is really saying, and using the noise-sentences to write those parts down. But yes, it's an art, one that has to be trained over and over again. Totally worth it, though. Keeps conversations shorter and more productive, if so wanted. Of course, that's only applicable when it's about finding a solution. When it comes to blabbing about how the day was, well, just sit and smile and try to listen 🤣
Nodding also helps when the trying isn't trying anymore lol.
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