All that matters

in Reflectionslast year

I snatched the hand mirror from the counter, hoping to identify the woman in its reflection. Flipping the glass to the 10x magnified side, I watched her pupils criss-cross the surface, searching the silvered window into her soul. Nothing, no recognition.

That hazel speck in the blue iris- I knew that, it was my trademark. An ivory slice thought the right eyebrow - that was from not ducking fast enough in 8th grade sparring with my Jui-jitsu partner. The cleft in the chin- I always hated that. Coily springs of untamed hair sprouting from the temples, all of it belonged to me.

Slamming down the handle, I fractured the glass into splinters, casting a prism of 100 eyes, staring back, judging, demanding to be acknowledged, addressed, affirmed - if not appreciated. It seemed alien, watching all of those eyes blinking simultaneously, like I had pieces of my soul breaking free, but unwilling to leave the prison of my mind. Revulsed, I ripped my gaze from the shattered looking glass, and was immediately pinned by a stare from the scowling woman peering through the vanity over the sink. Turning to escape, I reached my hand to the knob of the bathroom door and was met with the full-length visage hanging there, confronting me with my duplicate in reverse. My duplicate?

Whoever that was looking back at me in the mirror, it certainly wasn’t me.

I had grown accustomed to a defiant chin - hers was softened with age. From age 7, I had a hard jaw - set in determination, hers? It was slack and defeated, as if heavy marbles swirled over the tongue, grinding the teeth down over time. Capable hands had been gnarled and leathered from gripping too hard. The swan-like neck had melted into a mountain of sloping flesh, burdened from the weight of my world, and any other world that shared my orbit of compassion.

Surely this had been an evolution over time? Had I missed the daily decomposition for so long that now I couldn't recognize my own reflection? It was like some other creature had stuffed herself into my skin and was masquerading as me around town. Why hadn't anyone noticed? Was it really that hard to see? or harder to say?

Perhaps acknowledging the losing battle in me made it more difficult to accept the defeat that they had seen in their mirrors also. Maybe, there had been a mutually beneficial silent agreement to overlook the toils of war. I wouldn't know, I certainly hadn't been present when that decision was being made because her presence this morning had come as an unhappy surprise.

My pitiful onslaught was interrupted by an invasion of my privacy - the daily uninvited intrusion by my 5-year old. The fact that the bathroom door was closed meant nothing to her, she barged in every day without fail. It was the most annoying, most welcomed part of my day.

"Good morning, cup. Overflowing today?"

With her infectious giggle, she repeated our morning routine with her squeaky voice. "I runneth over."

"Delighted to hear it, my sweet."

She poked my protruding belly. I grunted, noticing that it too had devolved into a more cushioned form of itself than I had remembered.

"Don't," I chastised her softly, not being in the form to suck it in or stand taller to make it appear less obvious.

"Don't what?" she poked again.

"Don't poke my blobby belly, " I swished her finger away, mid-third-poke.

Snarling her lip, she spat back, "You don't!"

"Don't what?" I snickered, leaning down on my knee to her eye level.

"Don't be mean to my favorite place," huffing, she crossed her arms. It was as if I had called her a name or mocked her own appearance.

I tugged her hand and pulled her from the bathroom so I didn't have to be assaulted by the multiple images and angles of my disappointing self. "Favorite place, huh?"

Trotting along after me, she caught up and poked my belly again. "Mm hmm. one of them. I have three," her head bounced in affirmation throwing ringlets of strawberry- blond clouds of hair to and fro. Pudgy fingers tapped her other hand, "maybe four."

I swung her onto the chipped kitchen counter, her legs dangling as I started the coffee machine. "Hmm, four is a lot of favorite places." I wasn't very interested. Instead, I focused rather intently on starting my daily, intricate process of forgetting what I had remembered.

Unfettered by my boredom, she climbed up to her knees and then stood before me, matching my height, demanding my attention.

"Yep. Four. Boop!" she poked my little Buddha belly again. I groaned louder, but she continued. "That one is where I hear you laugh best, when I press my face right in the middle."

"This one. BOOP!" she squeezed my fleshy shoulders. "That's where I sleep best after the long long long looooooong days shopping. It's soft like a pillow."

I laughed, it was indeed soft, and I supposed it was better than tough muscles and angular bones when it came to naptime.

Pulling my hand to her face, she used it to stroke her forehead lightly. "And this - calms me when I'm scared." Then she used my finger as a paintbrush across her own little nail beds, "And paints my nails when I wanna be pretty." Shoving my hand under her armpits, she shouted "AND TICKLES ME!!!"

I laughed harder at this little sprite who was my undoing. Leaning toward her, I pulled the other hand free of the coffee bag and continued to tickle properly until she was cackling and breathless. She infected me with her joy, and my own mixed with hers in a symphony of silliness.

"Stop!" she gasped. "Stooooppppppp! I have to tell you four!"

I paused, not sure if she was telling the truth or simply halting my onslaught of tickle torture.

Her hands reached up to the sides of my face, pinching the crow's feet into more defined wrinkles. I was sure the pressure of her hands were carving them into indelible creases, never to be removed by laser or creams or miracle cures again.

"These. I like these the best."

"Wrinkles!?"

"If that's what they're called," she shrugged, "then yep, wrinkles. Cuz when you laugh and really mean it, your cheeks push them deep into your face, and your face gets round like a sunshine and your eyes turn into little upside down moons. Then, I know you're happy. Like you are right now. BOOOOOOP." She finished her monologue by pressing her tiny fingers into my nose, squishing it to the side.

I pulled her into my chest, and loved her with my whole heart. It didn't matter what I saw, or what others saw. I was defined by love from these 5-year old eyes that saw all that mattered.



This post is an entry for DREEM-WOTW, where the prompt was from a selection of phrases. Great job choosing those @samsmith1971 - I knew as soon as I saw it, the one that spoke to me the most! I hope you - most of all - enjoy it the most. Love you Sam!!!

My Midjourney is down with my discord, as well as every other thing in my life right now. ha ha! and so - my image is from UNSPLASH today thanks to Taylor Smith, and happily - it fit the bill!

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Oh, Geez! Indeed, our “F”ing wrinkles are gorgeous. You’re gorgeous and you make the world revolve around a better place. I think you are imaginatively sensitive and incredibly clever!

You can blame Sam for this one.hehehe She pulled it out of me with those creative prompts for WOTW! I loved this one! Thanks for coming to see me, beautiful one!!! I'm having a string of days that are unlike anything i've had in a while! so the comment is much appreciated today more than ever. and i'm going to quickly comment on the rest of the comments here too - before i get tossed off the internet.. y et... again! LOL (and the electricity will be soon to follow.lol ug.)

I’m sorry

I fractured the glass into splinters, casting a prism of 100 eyes, staring back, judging, demanding to be acknowledged, addressed, affirmed - if not appreciated.

Love this lines so much....

And welcome to the community!!

hehe that one took three edits to get perfect. but I was also happy with it right before hitting publish.

i just recently found this community! and thought this would be the perfect one for this semi-fictional story. I guess you could say its based in real life, with lots of lessons that i've learned along the way - and still struggle through hehehe

work in progress, I suppose

thanks for the welcome!

and really at the end of the day with kids, they really don't care, they just love.

sorry for this late comment!!! now that the power and internet are reliable (and i'm not spending HOURS trying to force the post into the interwebs, as blue calls it hehehe) i'm trying to catch up!!!

and yes - kids. they really just take it as they see it and love love love.

and KITTIES!!! heheheh

I was convinced that I had left a comment the other day when I read this. 🙄

Leah!!! This is fantastic! Your writing is shining so brightly. Eloquent, tight, introspective - it's brilliant!... and it tugs at the heartstrings 💗 I loved this. Children have a way of melting our hearts and making us feel whole again. They simply bring love to the table and show us a different and more meaningful perspective.
!LUV !ALIVE !LADY

hi you! hehehe
Everyday I'm thinking - what in the world to write now. hahahaha
and then - something comes. I'm so grateful for the gift of writing - but it really is a talent that needs to be honed! It surprises me when I look back over the years and see that I really have developed as a writer... because i think we kinda always "feel" like we're not growing, and we're not so bad...
and we're not!

but maybe not so good either hahahaha

and it's nice to have these little bits of growth spurts where you can look back and go hey... actually - that one was actually kinda GOOD!

i've had a few of them in the past few weeks that I just go back and re-read and smile thinking... i did that????

and without sounding arrogant - ahahah i have to just kinda let that bit of pride settle in and feel it and acknowledge it and go ... yeah. you did. now keep going!

so thank you sam for this challenge!!! it's been very needed!!! and i didn't know i needed it.

You have every right to be proud of what you have achieved. I told you from the very start that you were special. You have a gift, Leah. I have always loved your writing and I am so happy that you are making time for it now. It shows!!! Magic... 💗💗💗 !LUV

YOU.

its you i say!
lol

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Children are such beautiful blessings. My baby brother (who's now in his pre teens) was fond of me in his early years. He so cuddly and full of energy. I miss those days.

Your writing never ceases to amaze me. How does one get so good at describing things?

hehehe you can always recapture those feelings with a cuddly energetic teenager -LOL you just need to find the right time to remind them of your appreciation for those moments!

thank you for the huge compliment on my writing! I would say - the more you write, the better you become. so if you love writing - keep doing it more and more! I have always loved it - but when I first started, I wasn't as descriptive or polished. each day i try to get a bit better! hehehe

so just keep writing as you love!! :)

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Wes...

thank you Wes!!!! missing you hehehehe and sending love! :)

WOW 😍

You write with incredibly stunning descriptions that pulled me right in. You are a master of "Show don't Tell", we can gleam so many feelings just by how you write a scene. I love your stories, both for your creative genius, and for the meanings you choose to focus on.

There are so many important messages and mental hugs for mothers here. Thank you for sharing this beautiful write-up!! !LUV !PIZZA !LADY !PIMP !LOLZ

hi my pretty blue girl :)

thank you! I was really feeling it as I was writing it... can you tell? hehe the days of my sweet 5 year old girl are long gone - but my 20 year old girl (who is one in the same) still has the same way of reaching me - and yep- 2 days ago, i held her own on the couch and tickled the mess out of her and we were both in stitches! hahaha

incidentally - she is the one with the light eyes with the hazel splotch. hehehe its so pretty. i often write my female characters as a mix of us both. hehehe

in Fireflies- she is my Aria (even though I'm the mom in real life) hehehe - and that probably makes no sense to you now that I think about it hahaha... but its a book that I've written and the mom/daughter characters are me with splashes of her throughout. and their relationship is like us... even though, as i said - the main character (daughter)is based on me, and the mom... which is me too - is also based on her. and the whole mess is us hahahahahahaha

try and figure that one out LOL

I do hope that this story reaches anyone who needs to hear it though.

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There are so many vital messages to gain from here. Seeing the beauty in what the world thinks are flaws. Appreciating all sides of ourselves, all our curves and edges.
You've expressed self-love in such wonderful words and described the need to be true to ourselves. Our reflections portraying the way we see ourselves. Thanks for sharing.✨🥰❤️
!LUV

Hoping that you feel strong, smart and beautiful today too! Don't let that anything define you except your God-given identity!! :) thanks for the visit Tess!

Thanks for this. I will definitely apply it to every aspect of my life. I'm glad I got to read this when I did.✨

Each line has an indepth description. I loved the way this story flowed and I liked the suspense too.✨

thank you!!! I didn't know where it was going when I first started to write it - but by the middle - I knew. hehehehe

thank you for coming to visit and appreciate it with me :)

It's always my pleasure ☺️

Do have a great day✨

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