Back a long time ago when dinosaurs walked the land and the Earth didn't have as many wankers on it, I used to play video games; well, one video game in particular called Ghost Recon. I used to play on a PC against my brothers who were all over the world and had faster internet speeds so I used to get my ass kicked a lot; builds character I guess. Soon after all those ass kickings I realised video games were for babies and there were much better things to be doing, so I stopped. Anyway, this post has nothing at all to do with gaming...however I used the title level up which I guess is a term used in gaming so maybe this post is about gaming.
Ok, it's not about gaming.
Over a coffee today I was chatting with a fellow who's life has run off the rails because he's allowed it.
He hasn't taken responsibility for his thoughts, attitudes, actions and reactions and so has been little more than a passenger in his own life rather than the person driving it; that's rarely going to end well. We talked around a few concepts and the subject of bad influences came up, something he feels he has been quite negligent of after discussions with me in the past. You see, as we spoke, it became apparent his circle of acquaintances and friends are generally not right for him, negative rather than positive influences, and he now sees that it's held him back, or down.
I'll not go into the discussion here, it's private, but I will say that I one hundred percent for certain feel confident that good and positive influences will improve one's life and the opposite will do the opposite. It's an easy concept but not always easy to deploy though because sometimes the wrong influences can seem fun, enjoyable and engaging and who wants to give that up right?
I think it's important to see the bad influences for what they are and a lot of the time that means piles of self-reflection and honesty and a large degree of responsibility and discipline moving forward, especially when it comes to removing bad or unproductive influences and replacing them with good ones.
I don't have all the answers and certainly aren't here to instruct anyone; all I know is what I have done, my own experiences, and what is that?
Well, I levelled up my influences which means the people I allowed around me, those I chose to spend time with including professionally, socially and within my friends group. I cut people lose and drifted (ran sometimes) away from them and towards better opportunities and I was mindful not to stay around in negative environments. Being brutally honest here, one such person was a family member, a brother as it happens, and I'm better for it.
If someone is negative for you don't go as often and don't stay as long, and if you can avoid going altogether, do that even should the person be a family member.
Back to the chap above...He walked away feeling a little conflicted, I guess knowing he (for his own good) had to cut a few people lose will do that to a person, but he also walked away feeling empowered to take better control of his life and determined to level up his influences; it'll take a little while but he knows who's first and that'll open the flood gates.
Have you ever levelled up your friends group or those around you who have the opportunity to influence you? Did you find it difficult? Easy? How did your life improve? If you're one who likes to have negative and unproductive friends around, why is that and do you think there may be a better way? Feel free to comment if you'd like.
Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp
[Original and AI free]
Image(s) in this post are my own
I have indeed done so!
Not so long ago I was friends with a guy who frankly was a terrible influence and a terrible person but he was comedy gold to be around and a seeming great guy at the same time.
But after a good few years I realised this dude is not good for me. the final straw being when he two timed his missus and tried to deflect when he nearly got caught by telling his missus that he was covering for me. Obvs his missus told mine in a heartbeat and I was like fuck this.
Life was vastly improved by cutting him out
Oh that's horrible...what a sorry, snivelling ass! I hope he got laid out with an iron skillet😂. As a woman, I wouldn't want a husband who would throw a buddy under the bus (or cheat, for that matter😂) Good riddance to that one!
Yeah, I was utterly bamboozled by it. Even more so by his reaction when I confronted him and said Wtf man, you have told your missus that I'm seeing hotchick and now she's told mine that I'm the bad man
His response - yeah but man, she nearly caught me. I had to say something
Ooft, I booted him to feck and told his missus the truth. It was a massive cluster fuck of a time but hey, it all ended well! 🙂🙂
Good on you! That's a line good mates don't cross. Sounds like he got 'excused' all through life as evidenced by his I had to say something response. Good thing you set his wife straight too.
I am ultimately happy with the way it turned out!
LOL
Any "buddy" who throws you under the bus when they are in trouble is bad news.
Good bye to bad rubbish.
Exactly, and goodbye it was!!
Hmm, that fellow sounds like the antithesis of a good mate and for sure a poor influence to have around. Throws you under the bus huh? Asshole. The good thing is you did what was required and are better for it I'm sure.
Yeah, there's a similar thing in the creative field as well, the more you "level up": your creative diet (ie, the quality of art you look at), the complexity of music you listen to, and the depth of the sources you interrogate for research, results in better outcomes in your own output.
It is why reading in general is so, so important for maintaining and growing intelligence - even if you're reading crap; if you're reading, you're constantly improving and able to (hopefully) seperate good from bad.
Games on the whole are pretty good as a media ... medium; and have their own benefits, but some people surround themselves with things that aren't the quality, that just contributes to brain rot.
In any case, I know this wasn't a post about games, but it definitely triggered in me thoughts of not just surrounding yourself with people who believe in (and will) challenge you to be better, but also to consider the impact of this across all the things you do.
You are what you eat, and from a human perspective, you are what you absorb mentally as well.
Levelling up can happen in many ways and influences (good and bad) don't just come from people. Art, music, books, TV, video games, the media, school, sports, movies, government, general society and so on,all have influence...best to choose good ones and see the bad for what they are then remove them.
Indeedy do!
Oh hey now...I was a big gamer back in the day! Practically nobody could beat me at Pong😂. Actually I did like to play Morrowind and Oblivion in the early 2000's. I was already old then, so didn't play for hours on end like some younger folk do.
I have walked away several times, and each time has been a step up, or level up rather. My circumstances have improved each time. Sometimes from friends, and even a husband, of which I have spoken before. I also count the level ups of mere acquaintances by changing the venue of get togethers and hang out spots. Yes, places can be toxic even without knowing anyone in particular there.
I have come to the conclusion that I should be a hermit and find a cave somewhere, though that may prove difficult in Florida😂.
Lol...pong huh? Well, I'm certain you competed at a high level. I heard it's going to be in the Olympics so yeah, not too late to rekindle that pong flame.
Walking away is an important skill for sure, and as you've pointed out it's not just people but places and situations and other things like turning off the mainstream media. These things can become like addictions and habit as well and that has to be broken because much of the influence they exert is worthless at best and destructive.
When you find that cave let me know, I've already packed my loin cloth and bearskin.
Ohh, the Olympics,eh? Nice, I'll try out for the team. Maybe even the Duck Hunt team as well, assuming they are also adding that event in! 😂
So many addictions and bad habits to avoid these days, it's like walking through a minefield just to accomplish your daily tasks. I really think the cave is a valid idea 😂. You like to pack light, I see!
You're a sure thing for the Duck Hunt team, I'm on the selection committee.
No point in getting bogged down with the unimportant. 😁
😂
I share your experience, that "leveling up" by choosing froends who were better at sports or a particular sublect did help me improve.
Incidentally, I played Elder Scrolls Skyrim, but I am familiar with Oblivion.
A remastered version of Oblivion has recently been released.
Sadly my son is playing it, so I feel a bit old, but I thought you should the graphics are pretty good.
But now that you can see the characters quite well, they are a bit ugly though..
LOL
lol I haven't seen the remastered version, but when you put it like that, maybe I don't want to!! lol
I always find it it interesting that you don't like games. At this point I play much less than I did in the past but I still see some games as a form of art. The way I see it games(at least good games) are not so different from books and movies in a way that they are set in their own worlds and focus on interesting characters and stories. The difference is that you can have more impact to a game than to a book or movie. Your seemingly small decision in the beginning of a game can affect to your final outcome. So I believe that creating a good rpg game takes as much or more effort than writing a good book because in the book author likely tells one main story while in games those stories can branch out and change.
But you are right that a good influences are important. Had I interacted more with people who are not happy about Hive perhaps I would have also cashed out and quitted long ago...Without ever releasing true potential of this place. So I am glad that I was not surrounded by those negative people.
I believe, and this is just my personal opinion based on what I've gleaned about you, that you could certainly use some good influences around you and would benefit greatly. I'm not saying you have bad ones, just that there seems to be a lack of positive influence around you and that causes you to spin your wheels rather than progress.
Just saying.
Thank you.
Very sound advice. Sometimes we find that the 'life and soul' of the party is in fact a malignant narcissist playing everybody.
Run away as fast as you can is my advice. People (victims) often are led to believe that they are the one with the problem (by the narcissist = (gaslighting) which is completely confusing for the victims.
Negative is to light a word for these people. These narcs are dangerous to our health and wellbeing.
Zero contact with these people is essential for your survival. I'm not exaggerating. 👍
Edit: typo
It can be difficult to walk away but essential for forward progress I think. As with Boomy's situation, those types of people can draw one down with them and cause terrible things to happen; they're best left well behind.
The influence of others is heavy, expecially when you are a teen at the high school, that can really drive you in the wrong path...
When high-school ended I didn't kept much contacts because most of the people were just the type of "let's go get drunk every day until we vomit and barely get back home"... It was a bit hard at the begin because you are used to the presence then over time it pass... Nowadays I just filter at start
Oh yeah, young people can be quite poor influences in each other...little to no experience and little to no brain cells. It seems you had your head screwed on well though.
Not easy to walk away, it takes awhile to realize when someone close to you is abusive, expecting you rally assisting on a whim. No more, since hubby died I took it in my stride to let go, dust off move forward with my own life.
It feels good, noose around my neck has gone.
It's a weight off the shoulders when a toxic or bad influence is removed and that feeling tends to help one find the right influences and better results generally.
Yeah, when it's close to home does not make it comfortable, still feel better.
Definitely it pays to be in good and positive company! Personally I do feel that it's actually more important to cut away negative company because these are the people who would take away precious time from myself and in worse cases, affect my mental well being. These days I rather be "alone" (not really alone because I could still engage with friends on whatsapp or even on Hive), than to spend time on not-so-meaningful social gatherings.
I think this a good point.
I like the saying: "Put some gratitude into your attitude"
I think while some say negative people are "realist" I think dwelling on negativity is a waste of time.
My dad said when something bad happens, acknowledge it, seize the lesson, forget the feelings, and move on better prepared for life.
Agreed too! Words of wisdom indeed! :)
Being alone is way better than having the wrong people around and the bad influences that that can come from toxic relationships or influences no matter where they come from.
👍
I consider myself an uninfluenced guy. I rather feel that I have been an influence on others. I hope I have been a good influence. I say this because not always what we consider "good", really is. Right now a lot of examples come to mind of people who thought they were a good influence and dragged millions of people into some pretty dark places in human history.
In this day and age of social media some self-titled influencers can be very dangerous because of the reach they have over their followers. It is so easy to get a message across these days.
I don't believe that you remain uninfluenced as you are surrounded by influences, even if they're subtle. The internet, news and media, books, TV and movies, marketing, school teachers, behaviours you are exposed to on the street and from strangers, thoughts and opinions you overhear, parents and family...so many more things, and not just people, influence everyone on the planet to some degree...even this post you just read.
It's good that you feel you've been a good influence on others, I wonder if others would say the same? Let's hope.
You are right, we are constantly being influenced.
Maybe I did not express myself correctly or the translation was not the best.
I meant that I am not easily influenced. I always weigh the pros and cons before making decisions.
I think the ability to weigh things up, practically apply them to life, present and future, is a valuable skill and one that means a person might have a better chance to hold off bad influences and move forward in better ways. Well done.
I think this is one of the most important things to teach your children.
My mother had a saying : "Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are..."
I didn't understand it when I was real young, but she kept repeating it like a prayer.
And eventually it made me look at who my friends were, and in some ways it made me think about whether they were who I was ...
LOL
I started to gravitate towards those whom I wanted to be like, partly so I could please my mother, and partly so I could get better at sports or school subjects.
And indeed it was a self fulling prophecy.
So of course I told my kids!
They didn't always listen, but eventually they did, and adopted a version of their own: "Birds of a feather flock together."
Kids always make stuff up thinking they are clever to invent something new.
I didn't have the heart to tell them that is an old saying.
So I didn't say anything to spoil their fun, and just acknowledged the win.
:)
If a person understands this early, (although youths usually do not) I think their progression will be less problematic and potentially they will have fewer "lessons" to unlearn later on.
It's good to hear your kids understand the concept and thankfully they invented a new (old ) saying. Lol
There was a time back in grade school that I had a fundamental shift in the friends that I hung out with. Looking back now, I think it was definitely the right move and for sure a level up on my part. Facebook gives me a pretty good idea of the path I might have ended up on if I had stayed with the other friends.
Yep, saved yourself I'd say. It's funny (bloody sad) that places like Facebook are cited as the usual destination for those types but for sure it is; and there they wallow around gleefully in the detritus of the human mind and unhealthy behaviours.
Yes, I find it's actually two different extremes most of the time. Either their life went to crap and they post all about it on Facebook, or they used to be a dick back in the day but they found religion and now they are all into that.
By the way...
I thought leveling up was a cool way to say self-improvement.
And I thought it was a perfect hook like term to start your post.
My son is a gamer and I think I will start using it to motivate him to improve himself .
It is a term he will immediately identify with and maybe it will enhance my coolness!
:)
I am thinking a few of those Cave Men were probably "Huge Wankers"
This Gieco one seems like He is...
I "Leveled Up" around my 40th birthday. I just decided to quit being the guy who always made the call, made the trip, initiated the contact...
Yep, one must make a stand and if friends aren't making much effort they're not friends.
😅😅😅😅
I haven't gone far in reading, but seeing the statement
I couldn't hold back the laughter.
Yeah, true though.
I can't argue with you on that.