People often disappoint me. No, that's not quite true because I rarely allow someone to be in the position to disappoint me - people are unreliable at best and I prefer self-reliance. That doesn't mean I don't accept assistance, just that I'd rather td what I have to do for myself rather than having to rely on others.
People are often disappointing and even though I expect it - I have a low opinion of people until they prove they deserve a higher opinion - it still annoys me and makes me a little sad at times too.
Recently I was tasked to do a particular thing for work, an important thing. Unfortunately, it was something I was not able to do by myself and I had to rely on a couple other units and elements within the organisation; it was to be a coordinated operation and should have worked out well. It did not.
One of the elements, an individual, decided to operate at a suboptimal level, cut corners, do a "near enough is good enough" job and didn't put much effort into their part of the whole operation. And...the backslide happened from there. I was furious, and quite disappointed as I'd expected more from that person.
Note: I fixed the situation which took a lot of effort, additional resources and time...plus, someone will be getting fired I guess, and so be it; mediocrity should never be rewarded. I operate in a world of absolutes and there's no room for behaviours exhibited by that character.
The saying, if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself, comes to mind but it's not always possible to do that and having to rely on others is required.
The doctor, mechanic, the boss, colleagues, the person who prepares your food in a restaurant, cleans the cutlery and plates, the bathroom, the pilot in a plane, the engineer and builder who make the bridge over that deep chasm or a skyscraper, taxi driver...we rely on others all the time and quite often our lives depend on what they do. I fly a lot and if the pilot did what the person above did...well, I'd be dead for instance.
We rely on friends and family too, and I think that's one of the biggest issues for me.
I don't trust people easily so have a small circle of friends...it's a protection mechanism against being let down. But even then, I've been let down by people, taken advantage of (the curse of a generous person) and that hurts a lot mostly...and causes even more walls to go up. Right now, I'm not quite Fort Knox, but am close.
I wonder what your experiences have been in this regard. If you want to comment then do so below.
Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp
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Image(s) in this post are my own
My comments would he long and profanity filled.
Better just end this already by saying the transportation/trucking industry is the worst when it comes to the support systems. Low class and dirty.
Haha, that gif man...what the fuck.
The transport industry is fucked here too, I spent some time in it as you know and it's pretty disgusting. Considering it's what keeps this country moving (trucking not rail so much) it's odd that the industry is as reckless as it is.
I've been told, more than once, that my standards are so high that nobody can meet them:) It's a hard life being perfect!
They say perfection is unobtainable...I say, get a load of @deirdyweirdy, perfection personified.
Don't they also say that it takes greatness to recognise greatness?:)
That's certainly been whispered in hushed tones in certain circles lest the secret get out.
Oh, the stories I could tell! My relation with disappointments is a long one. In the end, I always end up adjusting my expectations. With each disappointment, I also get to know the other person better.
It starts with friends. I once wrote an article about that, the fact that I have a lot of friends that for many others are not "friend material" because I know who they are. I know for what I can count on them, and more importantly, for what I can't.
In work it's a little harder, especially for you, working in a bigger company. For me, it's kind of easy. I can keep an eye on everyone, and given that the people I hire, I have to. For some reason, I always end up hiring projects. People that need a chance, and a team around them to prosper. They need to disappoint, and then work harder to get out of that.
Side Story:
I recently was close to firing someone who was working with us for 2 years. Because he didn't react. He was screwing up, kept doing the same mistakes, didn't seem to care about what he did to the company - he took our help, but didn't give back. I told him that if the bakery does not fit into his life at the moment, he could leave right now, no harm done, we're still friends, I'll pay him all the benefits and a little bonus for him to start something that excites him more. Or he could try again, but if he'd screw up again, he'd be out - we'd be angry at him, no benefits, no bonus.
He took the risk. And he's gotten so much better since then. Arranged his life differently. He really wants to work with us now, finally recognizing the value we provide, far beyond the good money.
Another thing disappointment showed me is how much I am worth. That it's really hard to replace me as most others do not have the same attitude, worth ethics, problem solving capacity.
But I did get trapped in that, too. Without self control, it made me somewhat arrogant. It sometimes still happens, though it shouldn't - something left to work on.
Based on disappointment, I also learned to build my team better (work, friends, ...) and to improve my communication. I'm a lot more direct now in communicating both my expectations, as well as managing their expectations by being clear about what I won't do.
"Don't suppose, don't assume - ask." That's what I preach to everyone, and what I try to follow myself. It helps to keep the expectations in a healthy range.
I think everyone has probably experienced it, and probably everyone has been unreliable at some stage as well.
Absolutely sure about that - and without even realizing it. I think - or maybe hope - that's the case with most people that act like that. That they don't really know that they're unreliable and letting people down at the moment. Doesn't change the outcome, though.
The crappy thing is when that small circle of friends lets you down, you don't have much else left to move forward with. My wife is going through this right now and it is painful to watch. I know I can't fix it, but I wish I could.
There's always new connections to make and sometimes that's exactly the best thing. Just because it is, doesn't me it always has to be.
My director says to me: "Dusko, come on and do this and that".
"And why do you give the task to me, and not to colleagues who should do it?"
"Well I know, when I tell you, from start to finish it will be done right".
Fuck it, it's my own fault, I'm very good 🙂
This is because I also have the attitude that if I want to do something properly, I have to do it myself or at least follow how it is done.
And just like you, regarding disappointment in other people, it happened to me often throughout my life, so little by little I raised the ladder in terms of trust...
The best people I ever had in my team's and units were those who would do what's required and directed and then look for more. They'd not grumble about it, just get after it, and interestingly they would be the ones who would rise faster, get promoted, pay rises and so on. The whibgers did not...but they still had to do the work and invariably they would "weed" themselves out as unsatisfactory for my team.
Anyway, many people are cunts and one never knows until the reveal themselves; for this reason I don't let many people close to me and it takes a long time for me to do so or to rely on others in anything but a cursory manner.
There are two options.
Or has faith in people, then gets disappointed or doesn't trust them in the beginning and gradually trusts them.
If we act in the first way, we turn out to be stupid, and if we act untrustworthy, in the eyes of those around us, we may seem awful, but, personally, we feel much better.
After many situations and many years of life in which I turned out to be stupid, now I choose to be untrustworthy.
I recently found out that the kindness of a person I trusted with my family ultimately caused harm to me and my family. That person trusted someone else... out of kindness, and we were robbed. I think closing the circle of people is a good alternative to avoid such incidents. I do that, but it's true that many times even people close to you disappoint you, and it's very ugly.
Fucker!
These things make one close the circle more and more; there is no other alternative.
We have a few saying here
He who does it by himself, does it for three: if you stuff by yourself you do it better and quicker
Better alone than in bad company: pretty self explicative, as you say you have a small circle to avoid bad companies
I bloody hate having to rely on someone else because I know something will be fucked up and not precise and diligent as I want to, so whenever I can I do that personally... I've been let down by various that were supposed to be friends, sometimes colleagues, in the latter i then stopped search to socialize and such
I try to surround myself with reliable people but it's not always possible and people change I guess, become less diligent and attitudes decline; that's when problems arise. With colleagues, one can't really choose them I guess so it's a bit more of a lottery.
People change, that's true, often when they find something better (an other group more "cool", the partner, etc)... You can't be in people head so it comes unexpected sometimes
Colleagues indeed, it's lotto
Situations where we depend on others, and they don't always meet our expectations or the needs of the task optimally, happen often. The key is to persist in surrounding ourselves with proactive people and to have the ability to face each situation as it arises. Is it difficult sometimes? Yes, but it's possible. Hugs!
I think you're right, I agree.